UPJOKE
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Stay Out Jokes

My dad said 'Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.

So i went in and he was right.





I saw my dad.

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home

They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'

What do you call the YouTube channel of a werewolf who works on submarines to stay out of the way of full moons and copies all the documents for the captain?

Lycan sub scribe

I’d like to stay out of the impending race war,

but I got skin in the game.

Why did the Turkish army stay out of Syria?

There were curds in their whey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in, because he has never seen one before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you, get out, stay out!"

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from rea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a judge…

…I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.

"Milton," I asked, puzzled, "how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for thos...

Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.

1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore...

He asks the Muslim store owner, "Do you have that book, the one that explains Trump's Muslim Ban and illustrates points concerning his immigration policy?" The Muslim owner responds, "Get the fuck out of here you pig! Get the fuck out and stay out! And if you ever try to come back I'll personall...

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