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A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"

"I did Teacher"

"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"

"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."

"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to ...

A guy turns to his buddy during an archaeological excavation and slides one headphone back off his ear...

"Hey man, I really dig this album!"

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I have a coworker just back off maternity leave who takes extra long breaks to pump her breasts..

She is really milking it.

Back off, doc. I'll close this wound.

Suture self.

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

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A Catholic priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed. “Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins"

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”
“Don’t worry, child,” says the priest, “It’s perfectly normal to have such desires and share them with your partner.Nothing serious, just say two prayer...

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Homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge

A homeless man is walking along a road, and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine...

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A cowboy appears before St. Peter...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman...

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