UPJOKE

Stand On Jokes

Why can’t Lebron James stand on his tippy toes?

He gets no support from his Cavs

Confucius says, man who stand on toilet

High on pot

Why cant a bycicle stand on its own?

It was two tired

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

Because it's two-tired.

Two windmills stand on a hill.

The first says, "So what kind of music do you like?"

The other answers, "I'm a big metal fan."

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg

Removed cause Reddit doesn't care about their users. (API Changes)

I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

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A pirate is selling his loot at a stand on the docks

A pirate is selling some loot at a stand he has set up on the docks. A man approaches and is interested in hearing about how he lost his limbs.

Man: "How did you lose your leg?"

Pirate: "I was fighting off a shark in the sea. He got me leg, but I got one of his teeth. Now I use this wo...

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A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.

The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.

The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool....

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

The short answer is technically speaking it can stand on its own but it is very unstable. In order to keep something standing you need the center of gravity of the object to be within its points of contact with the ground. With only 2 points of contact with the ground, that space is a very small pla...

Two potatoes stand on the street corner. How do you tell which one's the hooker?

It's the one with the sticker that says Idaho!

So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks

So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, “They’re deer tracks”, “No They’re Bear Tracks “

Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train

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Two prostitues stand on a corner

The first one says

"tonight is going to be a great night, I can smell the cock in the air!"

The second one turns to her and says

"Sorry I just burped"

Why can’t bicycles stand on their own?

They’re two-tired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple having sex asked their son to stand on the balcony....

A couple having sex in the bedroom asked their son to stand on the balcony to keep him occupied and keep telling them what's going on outside.

Son: John is buying fruits, Tina is playing and Michael is fucking his wife.

Dad: What? Is he doing it openly?

Son: No, I haven't see...

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Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their husbands.

The first woman, smiling smugly, says, "My husband is taking me on a romantic break to the French Riviera for two weeks."

The second boasts, "Well, my husband just bought me a brand new Porsche."

The third shrugs and says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, ladies, we don't have m...

A married couple with kid gets h*rny...

on a Sunday morning and thinks about how they can have some time to "cuddle". So they tell their son to go stand on the balcony and look if he can see something new going on in the neighbourhood.

So their son stands on the balcony and they get going. After a few minutes he yells: "Dad, dad! T...

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A Chinese man, French man, Muslim and an Australian stand on the edge of a cliff

\[long\]



The Chinese man approaches the edge and says "My country is rich with money - so I will give some to the gods, for luck!"

And the throws several rolls of $100 notes off the cliff.



The French man, not wanting to be out done, steps forward. "In my country...

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A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?

because they dont have mosquiTOES.

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The King of France, The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis.

Eventually they decide to let the people judge. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.


The King of France drops his and the French crowd shout "Viva la France!!"


The King of Spain drops his and the Spanish crowd shout "Viva la Es...

Ever wonder how cows are able to stand on such steep hills?

They have strong calves.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

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