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Go Back Jokes

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I can never go back

A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his
help to revive her man's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy.

"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coff...

Once you go black, you never go back

I can't believe I used to add milk to coffee

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You'll never be able to go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.

You'd be way too short and weak.

I can't go back to the mid-west and gamble anymore.

Iowa lotta people out there.

Why didn't the sun go back to school?

Because it already has a million degrees

When Simba refused to go back to his Pride, you could say he was just

*A whim away*

Go Back To Africa

is what I say whenever I see a White Rhino.

Someone told me to go back to my own country

So Iran

A bank teller decides to leave his job to go back to college for an education in chemistry.

Turns out he had a compound interest.

A man hiking in the Himalayas comes across a sadhu meditating. He says the sadhu, "there is a blizzard coming aren't you going to go back to town?" The sadhu responds

Nah I'ma stay

The first thing that I am going to do when I go back to work, is Hide.

Because a good worker is hard to find.

A English man, an Irish man and an American are stranded on an island, until they find a genie.

The genie explains to them that usually he'd give them 3 wishes, but because there's three people and they all found him equally, that everyone gets one wish.

First, the English man makes his wish.

"Well, I've been stranded on this island for 2 years now, so I wish to go back home to m...

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"I can't go back to that school"

I put down my book, \*The Art of the Unseen\*, to examine the fiery young lad before me. "What happened, son?"

"They took one look at me, and started calling me 'Ginger'!"

I sighed, admitting, "I'd hoped they wouldn't notice. What did you do?"

"Well, Dad, you've taught me to al...

Why did Drake go back to High School?

To pick up his girlfriend

Why did the rapper go back in time to 1009?

to drop his MIX tape.

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If time travellers exist they must be Nazis cuz they didn't go back and stop Hitler.

A man gets a worried look on his face. What are you, a time traveller? No I'm a preacher.

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Answer: reversion to the mean

Around 50 million years ago, whales lived on land. Until some of them decided to go back to the sea.

The rest of them stayed on land and became yo mumma

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A man and a woman go out for dinner. They have a great time and decide to go back to her apartment.

Since this is his first time in the apartment, the woman decides to give him a tour. They go throughout the apartment and the tour ends in the bedroom. When in the bedroom the man notices that there are 3 shelves filled with stuffed animals on the wall. The top shelf has itty bitty animals. The midd...

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Once you go black you never go back.

This is a very concerning statement for me because my poop has been black for about a week and it burns really bad and google says black stool means blood early in my digestive tract and I don't know what to do please help

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"We'll have to go back, I've forgotten my tablets"

"For fuck's sake, Moses."

I'm working on a video game where you go back in time and kill Adam and Eve

it's going to be the first ever First Person Shooter.

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My wife complains to me about constantly being sexually harassed at work​

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office

Why do Vegans always go back to eating meat?

Because they finally see their missed-steak.

I had to go back to see my doctor today. I said, 'I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction.' 'Where exactly did you apply it?' he asked.

'On the bus' I replied

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I wish to go back to the time I had sex with a Rectangle...

...it was the best shape I'd ever been in.

Why did the pacific islander go back to mcDonalds?

To get Samoa chips.

A guy meets a girl in a bar and they go back to her apartment.

They go into her bedroom and from left to right, floor to ceiling, there’s a whole wall full of fluffy toys. Floor to ceiling, side to side, fluffy toys everywhere. They get it on.

When they’re done, the guy says, “How was I?”

She says, “Take anything from the bottom shelf.”

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! ...

I’ve suffered from so much racist abuse today, with people yelling at me to “go home” and “go back where you came from.”

It really spoiled my giant get-together with all my friends in the park.

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money.

He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times ro...

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

After a date a man convinces a women to go back to his place...

While they're driving back to his place she says:

- You know, I judge a man by how he unlocks the door of his home. If he does it roughly, I'm afraid of him, if he drops the keys, that means he is insecure. How do you do it?

- First, I lick the lock...

Why did Jesus go back to the sperm bank?

It was the second coming.

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A man and his wife go back to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the  husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wi...

Why can the Devil never go back to Georgia?

He fiddled up a little kid.

The best way to go back in time is to walk around a campground.

Before long your sure to be past tents.

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I don’t think I’m going to go back to my massage therapist.

He just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

Why did the corn maze go back to school?

It was tired of working in a dead end field.

Yesterday, I tried to relive the 80s and play some Super Mario Bros. When they say you can never go back, turns out it's true.

Mario just stops at the edge of the screen.

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A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans

and he says "look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."

The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go ...

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A group of mates leave a bar to go back to one of their houses for a few more drinks

When they get there one of them asks the host, "what's that massive brass gong on the table there?"

The host replies "it's my talking clock"

The mate says, "how does that work?"

The host grabs a claw hammer and smacks it and a voice from next door says, "for fuck sake its tw...

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A man in a bar starts talking to a prostitute.

He says, “How much for a hand job?” She says it’s $250. He says, “$250 for a lousy hand job? That’s crazy!“

She says, “Honey, follow me," and takes him outside. “See that Ferrari? I bought that Ferrari just with money from hand jobs. I give the best in the world.”

So he figures he’ll t...

A man was travelling the countryside with his 8-year-old daughter. One particularly stormy night they were forced to take shelter in a local mansion owned by a lonely widow. The widow was happy to receive guests and was very hospitable for the two weary travellers.

The next morning the father said to his daughter:

"I have to take care of some business in the nearby town. Mrs. Sterling has kindly agreed to look after you while I'm gone. I will be back tomorrow morning. Promise to be good while I'm gone."

"Yes father, I promise", the little girl sa...

I wish i could go back to how it was in the mid 90s

Back when my president didn't mind people getting on their knees

Once you've had black, you might never go back but..

Everything taste better on a cracker.

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So a guy has two buckets and goes to a farmer...

The guy says, "Hey there, sir! I heard you had some honeysuckle in your pasture. Was wondering if you'd let me go back there and grab a few buckets of honey for myself?"

Farmer says, "well that ain't how that works, but you can try." Few hours later, the man comes back through carrying 2 buck...

Why do hipsters always have to go back home to change into more suitable clothes

Because they went outside before it was cool

When I was a little boy, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

Now at last I've managed to invent a time machine of my own, so I'm going to go back to when *he* was a little boy so I can punch him and see how he likes it!

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calcula...

Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.

He's an ex-terminator now.

For all the people queuing for McDonalds

I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her w...

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

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We were finally able to go back to the office this week. But when we got there, we found that someone had switched around the elevator buttons!

It was wrong on so many levels.

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I met a girl in a club last night and after a few drinks, she asked if I would like to go back to her place for sex. I didn't want to disappoint her, so...

...I said "No."

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

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The womanizer, the drunk, and the pot head

There was a womanizer, a drunk and a pot head that got into a car accident and died. When they arrived in hell the devil told them "welcome to hell, as a punishment you will have to spend 1000 years in your own personal rooms with punishments specific to your sins and if you learn your lesson you ge...

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

If the bullying and violence in the school is really getting to you and you don’t want to go back...

...after the summer break, have a word with your parents and try finding another job away from teaching.

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It's 2am and the doorbell rings.

I run down stairs and open the door. There's a bloke there looking a bit desperate and says, "I know it's really late, but can you give me a push". I tell him to piss off and I go back to bed.

Wife asks who it was - I tell her. She says I'm a right cunt for not helping and I should give him a...

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A son catches his dad fucking his mom one night. He gets told by his dad to go back to bed with a nervous laugh. Dad goes to check up on his son after sometime only to find him fucking his grandmother.

Son says: Not so funny when it's your mother innit?

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