I took my blow up doll back to the shop, and said

"I only had this blown up for half an hour and it went down on me!"

The guy was most unsympathetic and said that if he'd known that, he'd have charged me an extra $30.

Why did the terrorist blonde fail to blow up a van?

She burned her mouth on the exhaust pipe.

What happened to the Blonde who tried to blow up a School Bus?

She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Did you hear the one about the Polish terrorist they sent to blow up a car?

He burnt his mouth on the tail pipe

What is the difference between a normal blow up doll and an Arabian blow up doll?

Arabian ones blow themselves up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

A terrorist tried to blow up a bus..

He failed, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate went to Holland and bought me back a life size blow up dolly that gives blow jobs. I thought that's nice.

Two Lips from Amsterdam.

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?

Put it into airplane mode.

How many Nascar drivers does it take to blow up a jet dryer?

Just Juan

My girfriends a blow up doll

She takes my breath away

What do you get if you blow up a monkey?

Rhesus Pieces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

Who would blow up Jurassic Park? Really?

A dino might.

What do the English use to blow up their enemies?

Tea N' Tea.

My friend said he wondered what it's like to blow up...

So I handed him explosives and said "Here, go C4 yourself."

Why do blow up dolls cost so damn much?

Inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you blow up an Indian ?

Press the red button on their forehead.

How come no one tries to blow up the Pope?

I thought he was inflatable.

Why did the Spanish train aficionado blow up his trains?

He had loco motives.

I got a blow up doll, that was Made in Baghdad

Problem is... it blew itself up

Here is a miner's life

Edit: OMG thanks for the gold and the silver I didn't expect it to blow up

Yeah thats the joke its lame

An English man ,a Scott’s man ,and an Irish man got on a plane.

The English man had a brick the Scott’s man had a knife and the Irish man had a bomb.
Midway through the flight the English man dropped his brick and when he got home he found his mother crying in the garden. He asked what is wrong and she said your dad was sitting in the garden and it hit him ...

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

Took my car to a mechanic the other day...

I said "Can you fix my headlights?"

They reply "No!"

I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"

Again, "No!"

I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"

He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"

"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up m...

What did the Redditor say when he received a package from the Unabomber?

Wow! I didn’t expect this post to blow up!

Why do we see a lot of puns on Muslims here on r/jokes?

It's more likely to blow up.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Martyrs

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby"...

I’d make a WWIII joke, but...

I feel like it really wouldn’t blow up.

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

There is a ticking time bomb...

what did you expect this to blow up?

Please, save your breath.

You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.

Why are redditors bad demolitionists?

They never expect things to blow up.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

What did the explosives specialist say when he was about to hit the switch on his first bomb?

Please let this blow up

Andy was sent to prison

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of...

The Hindenburg

Edit: Wow! I didn't know this would blow up!

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

My mom just told me this one

Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?

Me: really? Who?

Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...

Me: Witherspoon?

Mom: no, with her knife

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a sign that made me shit myself

It said "Bathroom closed"

Two old men finally retire...

They've had a hard life, both widowed many years ago and their children have all grown up and gone their own way. They decide that it would be INCREDIBLE to have a night on the town like the old days, a proper guys night out. They draw their final paychecks and proceed to get motherlessly drunk in a...

I keep trying to come up with a joke about explosives

But they all blow up in my face

What's something you'll hear from a Redditor that you'd never hear from a suicide bomber?

Damn, I never expected this to blow up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family reunion with Dad and stepmom

Dear Mom,


We are having a great time here at Camp Hazardous Hills. Grandpa is making me write to you in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.


Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on th...

Proud Terrorist discussing his kids

Yep, they blow up so fast!

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

I am an ex-demolitionist fired for accidentally destroying five million dollars worth of property. AMA!

Edit: Wow, I wasn't expecting this to blow up!

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

My grandads old place has this old fence that for some reason seems to be impossible to remove. Tonight I'm going to try explosives

Edit: Wow I didnt expect this post to blow up as much as it did!

What do you call a Jewish pokemon trainer?

Ash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cher should release an album called "Noble"...

That shit would blow up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a German, a Canadian, and a Jew are sent to a deserted island as part of a reality show.

They are told to bring one item each.

1. The American brings a smartphone

2. The German brings a book.
3. The Canadian brings a laptop
4. The Jew brings a blow up doll.

One year later, the Jew has a smartphone, a book, and a laptop.

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

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