My blow up doll is ugly as sin

But she always manages to take my breath away

How do you blow up a dinosaur?

With Dinomite.

What did the English use to blow up their enemies ?

Tea N Tea.

Did you hear about the blonde terrorist hired to blow up a bus?

She came back with burnt lips!

I just tried to blow up the town hall in Helsinki and i was caught

Im Finnished now

I took my blow up doll back to the shop, and said

"I only had this blown up for half an hour and it went down on me!"

The guy was most unsympathetic and said that if he'd known that, he'd have charged me an extra $30.

Why did the terrorist blonde fail to blow up a van?

She burned her mouth on the exhaust pipe.

What happened to the Blonde who tried to blow up a School Bus?

She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Did you hear the one about the Polish terrorist they sent to blow up a car?

He burnt his mouth on the tail pipe

What is the difference between a normal blow up doll and an Arabian blow up doll?

Arabian ones blow themselves up.

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate went to Holland and bought me back a life size blow up dolly that gives blow jobs. I thought that's nice.

Two Lips from Amsterdam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

What do you get if you blow up a monkey?

Rhesus Pieces.

Who would blow up Jurassic Park? Really?

A dino might.

My friend said he wondered what it's like to blow up...

So I handed him explosives and said "Here, go C4 yourself."

Why do blow up dolls cost so damn much?

Inflation.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to He...

How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone?

Put it into airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

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How do you blow up an Indian ?

Press the red button on their forehead.

How come no one tries to blow up the Pope?

I thought he was inflatable.

Why did the Spanish train aficionado blow up his trains?

He had loco motives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

A redditor is defusing a bomb.

EDIT: I didn't expect this to blow up!

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name

>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?

They meet at work in the morning

>Did you heal about the Polish terrorist that tried to blow up the bus?

He burnt his lips on the ...

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

How did Steve got his lungs injured in army?

Sergeant told him to blow up the tank.

Why do terrorists' Reddit accounts have so much karma?

Their posts always blow up.

A magician on a cruise ship

Is doing magic for a particularly rough crowd. There's a man in the audience with a parrot in his shoulder that is giving away all the tricks.

Every time he does a card trick the bird would scream," Its up his sleeve."

Every time he makes something disappear the bird would scream," s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

What did the fence builder say when his fence fell down after driving the last pilon into an old buried hand grenade?

Wow, didn't expect this post to blow up!

I finally realised that my parents favour my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I told a joke about a fat man and a little boy once

Didn’t really expect it to blow up like it did

(Sorry if someone’s made this joke before)

What did the student say to the demolition school teacher?

I didn't expect this to blow up.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Your typical rock band

In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoi...

An old southern farmer is out one day with his dog repairing a fence row when suddenly part of it bursts into flames..

Wow I did not expect this post to blow up.

The mothers of two IS fighters were exchanging kids photos..

One mother said, this is my son as a baby, and this is him growing up, him as a teenager and this is him last year as a man, just before he gave himself up for jihadi.

The other mother says, you know- they blow up so quick.

Here is a miner's life

Edit: OMG thanks for the gold and the silver I didn't expect it to blow up

Yeah thats the joke its lame

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day the...

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

Took my car to a mechanic the other day...

I said "Can you fix my headlights?"

They reply "No!"

I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"

Again, "No!"

I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"

He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"

"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up m...

An English man ,a Scott’s man ,and an Irish man got on a plane.

The English man had a brick the Scott’s man had a knife and the Irish man had a bomb.
Midway through the flight the English man dropped his brick and when he got home he found his mother crying in the garden. He asked what is wrong and she said your dad was sitting in the garden and it hit him ...

Why do we see a lot of puns on Muslims here on r/jokes?

It's more likely to blow up.

Martyrs

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby"...

Andy was sent to prison

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a sign that made me shit myself

It said "Bathroom closed"

I’d make a WWIII joke, but...

I feel like it really wouldn’t blow up.

Why are redditors bad demolitionists?

They never expect things to blow up.

The Hindenburg

Edit: Wow! I didn't know this would blow up!

Please, save your breath.

You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.

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