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Get Back Jokes

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.

MAN, I sure am LUCKY!

I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was 6, Santa gave me coal for Christmas, so the next year I decided to get back at him and poison his cookies.

Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad.

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

Me: it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up.

Cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work..?

i tried to get back together with my ex-wife

She broke it off when she realized I was just after my money.

Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet

Because I lost my car in poker last night.

Husband get back home from work asks wife

**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"

What's the best way to get back on your feet?

Miss two car payments.

Why did Rihanna get back with Chris Brown?

Because she didn't want to be a one hit wonder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John is tired of the city life and wants to get back to basics.

So he sells his downtown flat, quits his office job and buys a small, modest farmhouse in the country. He's settled in to his new place, has found local employment working from home but feels something is missing and decides to buy some farm animals to further round out his new found autonomy.
...

If quarantine is knocking you down here are some things you can try to get back up again:

Drink a whiskey drink

Drink a vodka drink

Drink a lager drink

Drink a cider drink

Sing the songs that remind you of the good times

Sing the songs that remind you of the better times

I strongly believe in karma. What you do to others you'll get back eventually.

So the other week i was pouring ravioli down my neighbours letterbox. And I kept thinking - I wonder what thev've done to deserve this.

So I said, "It's not about how many times you fall down. It's about how many times you get back up."

And the cop said, "Sir, now I'm going to ask you to take a breathalyzer test."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard, when the boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole…

He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole!"

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray.

He sprays t...

People have told me to get back to using reddit.

The first post I saw though had incorrect spelling making me misreddit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Japanese ex-girlfriend kept trying to get back with me

I had to drop the bomb twice before she finally gave up.

What did you have, but can never get back?

The time it took you to read this post...

What should protesters ride to get back home from the BLM protests?

A cab

If you'd get back all the money that you have ever spent on weed,...

...imagine how much weeeeeed you could buy!

Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...

**!!No Lives Matter!!**

I found myself wide awake early this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I checked the time.

4:04
Sleep not found

It took me only 5 minutes to walk to the pub, but 45 minutes to get back home.

The difference is staggering.

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?

He was Snowden.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men start their lives coming out a vagina and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in

If you’re a C-section baby, you’re even further behind the curve

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Something I'll sadly never get back as a Jew

My foreskin.

What happens when Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Ukraine and Latvia get back together?

A Soviet reunion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"


"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right...

I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far...

Just working out the Kinks.

I have only two new years resolutions: To get back into the shape I was before the accident...

....and to stop referring to the fact that I eat too much junkfood, 'the accident'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three kids needed to cross over a deep valley to get back home, but the bridge they had used was now completely broken.

Taking notice to the kids' troubling situation, a magical being appeared with an offer:

"You will be transformed into the next word you speak."

Very confused, the first kid said, "Bird?". To his astonishment, he transformed into a beautiful bird and flew across the river.

"Butt...

You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?

You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.

A woman is waiting for her husband to get back from his business trip when she flips on the news and sees that a man is driving the wrong way on the airport highway.

She quickly calls her husband to tell him to “Be careful driving home, there’s an idiot driving the wrong way”

He says “One idiot? They’re all driving the wrong way!”

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