Phone Call Jokes - 75 Hilarious Phone Call Jokes

A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife

"We need a 4th for poker"

"I'll be right over" says the doctor.

"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.

"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."

The Pope receives a phone call...

...and on the other side is Jesus. Jesus says that now is the time, the Second Coming is upon humanity, and that he is letting all his followers know about this, and he thought he should give the Pope, a devout follower, a call. Jesus also tells the Pope He has good news and bad news.

"What's...

Got a phone call today from my twin brother who is in jail

He said “Hey do you remember how we always used to finish each others’ sentences?”

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor…

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor asking to speak to my husband.

I told him my husband wasn't home at the moment.

He called several more times, and again, my husband wasn't home.

Getting tired of his phone calls, I finally said to him to hang on a minute. ...

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That’s..

Yeah, we just found him dea...

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Phone calls and blowjobs are the same thing for me.

Im never on the receiving end

Late at night a divorced man has a phone call from the police station.

They tell him that he should show up because his ex-wife was arrested. So the man goes to the police station and finds her ex-wife there with the police.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he says.

The police chief gestures to the ex-wife to explain it.

"Nothing," she says. "You know when we ...

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.....

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad ...

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Phone Call Joke

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the...

I received a phone call.

A bloke rang me up the other night and said "I'm the dandy highwayman who you're too scared to mention, I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention!" I tried to tell him he had the wrong number, but he was adamant...

So I got a phone call from the post office today...

...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

A man gets a phone call from the hospital...

He finds out his wife has been in a bad car accident and is in critical condition. So he immediately stops what he's doing and rushes to the hospital as fast as he can.

When he gets to the waiting room, he frantically asks the doctor, "Where is my wife? Is she okay? What happened?"

The...

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Be careful of strange phone calls.

I just had a random guy phone me asking if I wanted to meet

up with him and compare dick sizes.

Fucking weirdo never showed up.

While on vacation, the warden of a supermax prison gets a phone call from the subordinate he left in charge, who has good news and bad news.

*"The good news is one of the serial killers we had serving multiple life sentences escaped."*

"How is *that* good news??"

*"Well after breaking out he stole a car and led police on a high-speed chase that ended when he wrapped the car around a tree at 120 miles an hour. He was killed ...

Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning ...

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I was having sex when I got a phone call from my friend saying there was an emergency

I told him I was coming as fast as I could

phone call

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.

Watch out for a scam phone call.

The caller says, You have won $1.000.000 dollars

or Tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute Concert.

Just press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

I received a phone call from an aging Australian yesterday.

I guess you could say a boomer rang

Three men were buried under a landslide in China

Three men were buried under a landslide in China.

They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection.

The first man made a phone call to the police:

"I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!"

The police tell him they will ...

What state hates phone calls?

TEXAS (Text Us) #kneeslapper

A guy returns to his house and receives a phone call

“We have your wife kidnapped! She is worth 100K$!”

The guy then responds:
“So when I’m getting the money?”

I was woken up by a phone call telling me I’ve committed tax fraud

They must have had the wrong number cause I don’t pay taxes

Phone call with nurse: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

Nurse: “Is this her first child?”

Me: “No, you idiot!, this is her husband!”

Awkward phone call:

"You put it down!"

"No, *you* put it down!"

"No, really, you put it down!"

"I can't, you put it down!"

"No, you put it down!"

"You put it down."

"No, you!"

"No, you put it down."

"For goodness sake, it's an old dog and you're a trained vet!"

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Phone call with Jeff.

Me: Hey Jeff, wanna here a joke?

Jeff: sure, fire away

Me: what has a tiny penis and hangs down

Jeff: What?

Me: A bat, what has a large penis and hangs up?

Jeff: What?

*click*

It must be brutal trying to make legitimate phone calls from the headquarters of the Hormel Foods Corporation

Your caller ID would always show up as “Potential SPAM”

A phone call to G-d

One cheery day, a Texas billionaire was visiting Moscow on business. Russian president Putin was giving him the grand tour, Ukraine, St. Petersburg and finally the Kremlin.

The tall Texan saw on Putin's desk 3 different color telephones, a red one a blue one and a white one. The Texan quest...

Phone Call

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.
The voice said “So what are you up to?”.
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.
From next door, “Can I come over?”.
Annoyed, I...

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

What do you call a cow who travels with you and can make phone calls?

A moo-bile phone

Why did the cancer specialist keep getting phone calls in the middle of the night?

He was an on-call-ogist

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A priest was in his office one day when he received a phone call

“is this St. Francis Catholic church?”
“yes” the priest replied
“are you the pastor there?”
“I am”
“Good. My name is Rachel, and I’m from the IRS. We were wondering if you would help us with a case. Do you know a Michael McCormick?”
“I do”
“Does he participate in your parish?”
“...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Just got a phone call from a strange number.

I picked up the call and they said "Seven Days". I immediately hung up.

I didnt even wanted to hear about the product or the full price.

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What'd the stool say to the turd upon receiving a phone call?

Excuse me, butt duty calls.

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NSFW phone call

Late in the evening the phone rang, she answered, “hello?”.

A breathless male voice on the other end said, “do you have a fat, hairy cunt?”.

“Yes”, she replied, “he’s fast asleep on the couch”.

Why can't you make phone calls on a banana?

They're apple products!

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A Blonde Phone Call to Mom

Hi Mom, it's me.
"Hi Sally, are you okay?
I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware store, looking for a drill."

"Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you."

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"Oh, I punch...

A butcher answers a phone call.

The caller asks:

- Do you have chicken legs?

- Yes.

- Do you have a pig head?

- Yes.

- Do you have cow ears?

- Yes.

- Do you have turkey wings?

- Yes.

The caller finally says:

- Damn, dude, you must look really crazy!

I keep getting phone calls from a “Private Number.”

These army guys are really persistent.

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A phone call in a business trip...

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the pho...

A woman gets a phone call

A woman gets a phone call saying "The viper is coming shortly". She thinks nothing of it.

She gets another call. "The viper is coming in two hours."

She freaks out and calls the cops.

Two hours later, a short Russian man with a squeegee knocks on her door.

"I am the viper...

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A phone call home...

A Brazilian football (soccer) star is on international commitments, representing Brazil at the World Cup far from home. He takes a few moments to speak to his family.

"So, how's things at home?" he asks.

"Terrible!", his mother replies. "We have no money. Your father is unemployed a...

Queen Elizabeth, Vladimir Putin, and George Bush die in a plane crash...

While waiting in line in hell the Devil asks them if they’d like to make a phone call back to earth, he warns them it will be expensive.

Vladimir goes first, he calls a few of his comrades, and is off the phone in 2 minutes. The devil tells him that’ll be $2 million. He says he doesn’t have ...

A father gets a phone call from his son's teacher

A father is at work when he gets a call from his son's teacher.
"Hello Mr. Johnson, I was in the middle of a lecture today when your son just got up and left the room without a word. I'm very worried about him, is he alright?"

The father just laughed and said "oh you have nothing to worry ...

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a phone call from a gorgeous ex

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in m...

A man receives a phone call late in the evening...

He picks up the phone and there is a strange voice at the other end. The voice says “I am the Vinder Viper, and I am coming in one year” he writes the call off as a prank.

But in six months, he gets another call. It says the same thing, “I am the Vinder Viper, and I am coming in six months”. ...

A redneck makes a phone call

The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"

The redneck, voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."

The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."

Three men want make phone call from Hell

Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Iraqi. So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss. So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the...

My proctogogist won't take my phone calls anymore.

I guess saying "What, no happy ending!" isn't proper exam room etiquette.

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There was three boys called Zip, Dick and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call

Right then Zip jumped on the table,
Dick jumped in the teachers chair,
And Piss was punchin everyone in sight .
3 minutes later the teacher back in and said

Zip down,
Dick out,
and Piss in the corner

A guy walks into a bar, and takes a seat, noticing that he's the only customer.

The only person around is a bartender, who is on his phone, and who waves to indicate he'll be with him as soon as he can.

The guy nods and waits patiently, but suddenly he hears a small voice say: "Nice shirt!" He looks around, but can't see anyone other than the bartender, who is still on ...

Father receives a super high phone bill, but he always makes his phone calls at work...

so he asks his wife about it. She replies: "It's not me, you know I always use the telephone on the grocery store I work at". So he asks his son about it: "It's not me, you know I always use the telephone at university." Then he turns at his daughter: "Not me either, I always use the one at school.....

The best phone call

Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Vladimir Putin all died and go to hell.

On arrival, they see a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished, the Devil informs...

Woman receives a phone call from local hospital...

"Hello Mrs Smith, this is Dr Trimble calling - I have some good news and bad news for you - which would you like first"? "Well the bad news I guess replies Mrs Smith". "Very well", replies Dr Trimble, "your husband has been in a horrible car accident, he has broken both his legs and arms, his pelvis...

Got a phone call waking me up in the middle of my remote learning class today.

My students are such nerds.

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People who take phone calls while dropping a deuce...

...Are real shit-talkers.

Phone calls to God $1,000

Priest takes a trip to the Vatican, as he walks he sees a pedestal with a gold telephone on top with a note "Phone calls to God $1,000". Priest thinks for a few seconds and then moves on. As he moves on he sees another pedestal with a gold telephone with a note "Phone calls to God $1,000", and as he...

A man gets a phone call from an unknown number

"Hello?"

Seductive female voice:

"Happy birthday, darling!"

"Who's on the phone?"

"Your unfulfilled dream..."

Him, with tears in his eyes:

"Is that you, Harley-Davidson?"

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

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An old man is sitting on the couch watching TV until he gets a phone call...

The man says, “Hello sir, This is Bill from the IRS, we need you to come in at 9am tomorrow to discuss some large amounts of money coming into your account.”

“Ok, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

The old man thought to himself, “I probably need a lawyer, huh?”...

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so a man answers a phone call...

man - "I don't know, I live about ten miles from the ocean"
wife - "who was that? what did they want?"
man - "some asshole who wanted to know if the coast was clear"

If Trump succumbs, the first phone call President Pence receives...

...should be from the Mexican government offering to pay for his gravestone.

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

A guy gets a phone call

from a girls he likes. She says "Come over, nobody's home!"

So he goes over, and nobody's home.

I got a phone call from Spokane, WA today

I didn’t answer it, because I’ve never spokane to anyone from there.

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

So this guy goes to this fancy French restaurant and orders a bowl of soup.

The waiter brings it over to his table, and the guy starts eating. But after a minute or so, the guy discovers that there is a fly in the soup. Disgusted, he calls the waiter over and informs him of the problem.

The waiter leans down and studies the soup for awhile, then reaches for his cell...

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There are two people making phone calls, a prostitute looking to modernize her business and a guy with a very large nose looking for a doctor.

The guy picks up the phone and calls a doctor from the phone book. “Hey do you guys do nose jobs?…No?…Okay.”
He hangs up.
The woman gets a call, she picks up the phone and introduces herself. The caller asks if she does foot jobs. “No that’s disgusting!” She replies. “Don’t ever call here aga...

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Mr. Richard Messina, an elementary-school principal, receives a phone call one morning.

The caller says, "Mr. Messina, my son Johnny will not come to school today, because he's sick."

Mr. Messina asks, "Who am I speaking to, please?"

The caller responds, "I am my father."

I made a phone call to a friend to tell them a new joke.

It didn't get very good reception.

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A man gets a phone call at 2 in the morning...

He picks up the phone and listens before he starts screaming "No I don't know if the sea is fucking foggy", and hangs up.
"What was that about?" The mans wife asked.
"This guy was asking me if the coast was clear".

An old man in Brooklyn gets a phone call that his cheese shop blew up.

“Oh, no! I’d better get down there right away!”

The guy on the phone tells him, “Nah, take your time. All that’s left where de shop was is de brie.”

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