UPJOKE
severeausterebluntbleakcrudesterntoughgrimbaredesolatebarrenutterstaringpureperfect

Stark Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm sorry." The Judge asked Tony Stark. "You want to divorce Mrs. Potts because she's a tad weird?"

"No!" Tony exclaimed. "I want to divorce her because she's fucking Strange."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated, stark naked, woman jumps into the back of a NYC taxi cab...

The old cab driver, opened his eyes wide & began to state at her but made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back & said 'what's wrong, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old cabbie says" let me tell you something lady, I wasn't staring at you ...

Elon Musk thinks he's a real life Tony Stark

But he's actually a real life Justin Hammer

Peter Parker and Tony Stark walk into a bar.

Bartender: what can I get for you today?

Tony: I’ll have a margarita, and the kid’s gonna get a Capri-Sun.

Peter: Mr. Stark I’m 21.

Tony:

Peter: I can order my own Capri-Sun.

Did you know that Tony Stark started cross dressing?

Sometimes he goes out dressed as FE male.

What is Iron Man when he removes his suit?

Stark naked.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

I'M A STARK!

Exclaimed the Italian stuck in traffic.

How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?

One Buck.

So I decided to submit a joke about Ned Stark's head

[Removed]

Tony Stark wasn't crying

There was just some Peter Parker in his eye.

What happened to Tony Stark after he died?

He became Urn Man

What is Rickon Stark's favorite band?

One Direction

Tony Stark catching Nick Fury up on the events of Civil War

Tony: So anyway the Avengers broke up and Steve is a fugitive now.

Fury: Wait, are you serious?

Tony: No cap

Tony Stark gives TED talks for a post-Iron Man living

He has done it many times before, and his 'If you're nothing without it then you shouldn't have it' motto is widely followed by the entire world.

"But I'm nothing without GTA V!" "If you're nothing without GTA V then you shouldn't have it." for example.

One day, the entire world is in ...

What do Link and Tony Stark have in common?

They're both smashing pots

Mr. Stark, I'm not feeling so good...

Rene Descartes get home from work.

Wife: You forgot groceries again!?

Descartes: I'm sorry honey, I wasn't thinking.

*Descartes slowly fades from existence*

Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy..

... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.

What the difference between Tony Stark and a vegan Big Lebowski?

One is Iron Man, and the other is iron deficient, man

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

A Stark, A Lannister and a Bolton walks into a bar.

Bartender: "What's up Lady Sansa?"

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Brandon Stark ask Tyrion to jerk him off?

because he is the hand of the king.

What do Rob Stark and Donald Trump have in common?

Both were betrayed by a Bolton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ned Stark says - Winter is here...

It was autumn, and the Starks asked their Chief Ned Stark if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to b...

I'm the daughter of Ned Stark!

Arya?

Ned Stark's death was foretold in his daughter's name

Because when he died, she was sans a Stark

My girlfriend is the daughter of arya stark and John cena

She has no name and you can't see her

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with...

What did T'Challa ask Tony Stark about his suit?

Wakanda suit do?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scotsman,

A Scotsman, on the way home from a heavy drinking session
with his mates, collapses onto a park bench and falls into a
very deep stupor. Some time later 2 girls walk past and on
seeing him debate whether he has anything under his kilt.
They decide to look and discover he’s stark naked....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is mad at me...

W: "I can't believed you fucked my sister!"

M: "She was just lying on the table when I got to work. Stark naked, looking incredibly hot! What was I supposed to do? I'm just human!"

W: "Performed the fucking autopsy!"

Tony Stark's drag queen name.

Fe Male.

In trying to rid the world of weapons, Tony Stark gave it its best one ever.

Guess you could call him Irony Man

[Mild SPOILERS] Nice to see Arya Stark FINALLY get involved in the war...

She really jumped into the Frey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

superman is flying along....

When he spots wonderwoman through a window in a hotel, she's on the bed stark naked and looks to be having the time of her life...

He thinks to himself.. "I could fly in at the speed of light, give her a quick one and fly out again before she even knew what happened!"

So with a sly gri...

A jewel

Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.

But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.

True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has worked as a magician’s assistant for years now.

I think she has picked up a few tricks.

I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom.

She said, “Abracadabra!” and my mate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.

Poor bastard must have wondered what the fuck was going on.

Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.....

Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you
doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree."

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

"Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against ...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

‘They must have been English,’ declared the Englishman. Only a gentleman would share his first apple with a woman.’

‘They were undoubtedly French,’ said the Frenchman. ‘Who else could seduce a woman so easily?’

‘I think they were Russians,’ said the Russian. ‘After all, who else could ...

A guy comes home and finds his wife on the bed

Stark naked. "What are you doing here, naked?" he asks "Well, how else am I suppose to be? I have nothing to wear!" she yells at him. Guy gets angry and throws open the closet. "Nothing to wear?" he yells. "Look at how many dresses you have! Blue one. Green one, Grey one. Oh, hi Mike. Black one. Ano...

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the drive...

An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “but we were probably sitting here stark naked fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?”

So the two stri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is flying over Metropolis

And is feeling horny af. Suddenly, he sees Wonder Woman stark naked sunbathing on the roof of the Justice League HQ.

He thinks to himself "I'm Superman, right? Faster than a speeding bullet. I can fly down there and have my way with Wonder Woman and be away before she even realises..."
<...

I thought I saw a Direwolf, but it turns out it was just a regular wolf.

I can't believe I got the two confused, the differences are Stark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Jamaican guys were invited to a fancy dress party where people had to dress up as an emotion.

The first one turns up in a dress.

Confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in distress, mon," he replied.

The second Jamaican guy turns up stark naked but with a teddy bear on his knob.

Even more confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover, “into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom di...

There was once a man who got a divorce...

And there was a very good reason for it.

See, he woke up on the morning of his birthday and went downstairs for breakfast. He ate his breakfast, grabbed his packed lunch and coffee, grabbed his car keys, and took off to work. He was absolutely appalled, however, that not his wife or any of hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on Iron-Man having sex.

Spoiler alert: He was stark, fucking naked.

Ran into Robert Downey Jr. randomly at a club the other day

He was in his Iron Man getup but without the helmet and was dancing with glow sticks by himself. Anytime anyone tried to come up to him, he'd push them away, curse at them, then continue dancing.

He was Stark, raving mad.

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

Everyone wants Spider-Man to be the next Iron Man

But I feel like there will always be a Stark difference

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair.

But he fails to gather the adequate proof necessary to blame her.
One day after coming home he sees her wife in bed, stark naked.
"So my suspicion was right! Where is that bastard?" he shouts in anger and swiftly rushes to look for him.
He doesn't find anyone but right when he was about to ...

How would you describe Bran from GoT in three words?

Stark raven mad.

When the nurse does not listen

I went to visit a friend in hospital and was surprised to find him running terror stricken and stark naked down the corridor in the ward, chased by a nurse wielding a pair of scissors. Down the hall was the doctor, shouting " No, nurse, I said slip off his spectacles"

Another taxi joke

A taxi driver, late one night, was startled to see a stark naked woman rush into his cab. She told the driver the address of her destination but the driver just continued to stare at her in disbelief.

Finally the woman shouted, "What's the matter? Never seen a naked woman before!"

"No...

What would be the best way to describe the winter landscape in Westeros?

Stark.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Sorry, buddy. No dogs allowed."
The guy answers, "But this dog is special. He talks."

"Oh really?"

The guy turns to the dog and says, "Butch, what's on top of a house?"
Butch answers, "Roof."

The bartender fold his arms and says,"I'm not in the moo...

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is getting out....

All of a sudden they hear the doorbell ring, so his wife wraps a towel around herself and goes downstairs to answer the door. Standing outside is their next door neighbour, Bob.

Bob gets a cheeky look on his face and tells the woman that he'll give her $800 if she drops the towel. She thinks...

[Game of Thrones] How do you ask a Northerner if they are of noble descent?

Arya Stark?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.
The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”
The bartender replies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

The Circus needed a new act...

there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.

The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark naked, entered the lion´s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.

The ringmaster wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women are in the locker room...

...getting ready to play racquetball, when a masked man runs in, stark naked, dick flopping all over the place.

The first woman looks down and says, "Well, it's certainly not *my* husband!"

The second woman looks too and says, "No, it's not him."

The third woman says "This guy ...

I was driving with my three young children

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Dad, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors...

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky Kevin stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!" he shouted in a fi...

Man visits Afghanistan 2 decades apart.

A man visits Afghanistan and during his visit he got to witness the culture and the differences from his own country. One curious thing that he noticed was that when married couples went for a walk, the men walked in front and the women follows 10 yards behind. His trip ended and he went home.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.