This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Give a man a cake

Give a man a cake and he will eat it.
Give a Redditor cake and he will farm the everlasting shit out of it.

And Jesus said unto them, "Come forth and you shall receive everlasting life."

We all know how John came fith and won a toaster, but Joseph didn't even come and he got a baby!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, What seems to be the problem, moth?

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happines...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an attempt to make up for poor sales, the Willy Wonka company is branching out and making a line if chastity belts

They're calling them "Everlasting Knob Stoppers".

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

What do you call it when someone gets their whole face tattooed?

An everlasting job stopper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Forget writing Santa asking for miracle...

...I'm writing Willy Wonka and asking for an Everlasting GOPstopper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bus Carrying Nuns to the Convent....

Goes over a cliff, killing all on board.

Being pious nuns, all are transported directly to the pearly gates where St. Peter, standing beside a font, is awaiting them.

He says to the nuns, "Our heavenly Father awaits you on the other side of the gates to welcome you to the eternal parad...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

Hillary is talking to The Pope, and he says...

"With but one wave of my hand, I can make these people feel joy. Joy that nothing else in the world can bring. And it will be an eternal, everlasting joy."

Hillary says "I'll believe that when I see it."

And so, the Pope raises his hand into the air, and slaps her across the face, and ...

A couple died in a car crash in the way to their wedding...

A couple dies in a severe car crash on the way to their wedding...

Little did they know they would be arriving in heaven to meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Upon seeing Peter they asked if they could be married in heaven since they were in everlasting love with each other.
...

Three nuns die and go to Heaven...

The nuns walk up to the Pearly Gates and are greeted by St. Peter.

"Hello ladies. In order to get into Heaven you have one final task. You all must answer one question each to enter the Holy Gates of Heaven."

The nuns each looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

Nun #1 ste...

What do you call a face, hand, or neck tattoo?

An everlasting jobstopper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Willy Wonka give his employees when they get laid off?

An everlasting jobstopper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A partisan joke for election day

Jacob, Jonah, and John aren't getting along very well in Heaven, and one day God gets tired of it and kicks them out. "I'm sick of you guys bickering. You don't appreciate the gifts I gave you. I want you guys to do something amazing. Work together and do something for the record books! As soon...

Two Jewish brothers are walking down the street.

They pass a Protestant church whose sign read "Convert to Christianity, Receive $2000". One of the brothers said "I'm going in there to check this out" His brother says "You can't possibly be thinking about converting to Christianity! This is your people this is your heritage!" his brother says "No ...

A guy is on the corner of the street waiting to hail a cab and he has a giant peach for a head...

Another man comes up to him and says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help but notice that you have a giant peach for a head; what's up with that?"

The man with a giant peach for a head responds "It's kind of a funny story actually."

He explains that on his last birthday a genie appeared to him ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.