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Barren Jokes

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

There isn't enough recognition for the farmer who used his barren field to host the first Bovine Boxing tournament

He gave up an awful lot to see some bulls hit.

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A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the g...

What would you eat if you were stranded on a completely barren deserted isle?

The sand which is on the ground.

An Ottawa man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”
The man says, “No problem. I’m from Ottawa.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes ...

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

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The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

Time passes. The patrons filter out. Eventually the bartender grows old. His children mourn him at his passing, and meet the grave in their turn. The city crumbles under the intrigues of time and war, and new cities lay their foundations upon the old. These, too, crumble. Humanity itself grows old, ...

A nail company wants to expand their business...

The firm, a long-established family company called Wilson's Nails, has seen their revenue declining in recent years and decides to try an ad campaign to boost sales. They contact a highly regarded Madison Avenue ad agency to produce an ad for them; After a few weeks, the agency sits the owners and s...

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The year is 2100. Earth has been ravaged by a variety of natural and man-made disasters. All the flatlands are now seabeds after the ice caps have melted. Most of the planet's land is barren wasteland. Barely any oxygen is produced, and most animal life has died out.

All you can hear is cockroaches and The Rolling Stones 2100 Tour.

An American, an Italian, and a German are applying for a job.

In the wake of WWII, the newly founded CIA needed the best of the best. An American, an Italian, and a German have made it to the final round of interviews.

The three are sitting together in a barren room, when an agent walks in.

"Congratulation, each of you have made it to the final ...

A Canadian couple takes their pet polar bear to Antarctica

Years ago, a couple in Canada found an abandoned polar bear cub and decided to adopt and raise it themselves. By the time the bear was grown up, it had become very tame, very friendly, and rather jovial.

Life with a pet polar bear turned out to be pretty fun, but one problem was that takin...

A Londoner told his flatmate he's moving out...

"where you going then?" he asked as they shook hands.

"North, I'm going to Scotland!"

"Buy why? It's cold and barren up there."

"Yes, but I read in the news that everyone's gettin' free pads up there!"

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

Pretty sure it's original, very rough edges type joke. Input welcome.

A man decides to open his own Plant Nursery. After a few months his business starts going under so he goes to apply for a loan
The loan officer goes to the place of business and asks a couple questions
"sir do you have a background in the study of plants?"
"No, I just got this company on a ...

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World’s Smartest Native American

I and some buddies of mine were on vacation one year. We were driving on a long, dusty, barren road when we see a sign on the side of the road that says “World’s Smartest Native American”. So being all smug, we decide to go and check it out.

We get inside his dwelling and because we were so...

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Intern Interviews Three Psychiatric Residents

Psych intern is taken to the first of three patient rooms.

Patient is wearing a baseball cap and swinging an imaginary baseball bat.

I: How long do you think you'll be here?

P: Oh, as soon as I hit this home run, I'm outta here!

I: (Makes notes)

Intern is then tak...

A blonde woman is driving down a rural road...

... when she sees a very odd sight. Off in the middle of a barren field is another blonde woman sitting in a rowboat, and she's just rowing away. She angrily brings her car to a screeching halt by the side of the road, gets out, and screams:

"Goddammit! It's dumb women like you that give u...

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

My grandpa has a house on the edge of the woods

He's living on his own and, based on our last couple of conversations I suspect he is getting dementia. Wanting to spend some time with him before it gets worse, I decide to visit him over the summer.

The woods next to his house are barren but he insists there is wildlife. We went for a walk ...

A man goes to the doctor for blood tests [long]

After extended testing and an agonizing wait, he finally gets a call from the doctor to immediately come into the office and to have as little contact with others as possible.
On arrival he is greeted by a nurse in full bio suit and whisked into a barren room.
The doctor comes in, also in fu...

Oddly lacking in colour

Dave and Mal are on a road trip. They stop at a hotel to spend the night, and can only afford one shared room. Dave goes off to explore the hotel while Mal goes to settle in. Dave then returns and enters the room. It is very barren, and the little amount of furniture it has is very strange looking, ...

So there's this blonde...

and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no...

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A rabbit, a buzzard and a turtle.

This was told to me by my grandfather years ago. Not the greatest, but as a kid it made me laugh.

A rabbit, a buzzard and a turtle were walking down a road when they came across a farm. The farmer had his life packed up and was driving away. He told the trio the farm has been barren for yea...

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The Gods decided to create trees...

The land was barren with nothing but muddy ground, rock formations, some small creatures and a pair of humans. So the Gods decided to create 2 trees to live as partners. The female tree was named Eva and the male Lee. As all other forms of life around, the trees were naked.

Eva was not conten...

The Wong Brothers

In ancient China lived the Wong brothers, three wise men who studied the arts of magic. Wong Wan could create beautiful tapestries with the tiniest bit of thread, and Wong Tsu could miraculously make crops grow in barren soil. Wong Lee, however, was much more sinister than his brothers. His magic co...

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

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Like a baby...

A man meets the woman of his dreams! They have all the same interests and just talk for hours. She is very religious and old fashion and askes how he would feel about waiting until they are married to make love for the first time.

He has never met anyone like her, so he says "If that what it ...

A Chinese and a Nigerian official meet each other at a meeting.

They soon became good friends and exchanged their business cards.


"If you ever come to China, call me and we can hang out!" says the Chinese official.


"Really? Cool! Same to you. If you ever come to Nigeria, call me and we can hang out!" says the Nigerian official.

6 mon...

The sad tale of George and Karen.

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en...

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