A fierce tornado rips through the field

A man runs for his life but gets to the edge of a river. He sees another man standing on the other side.

He shouts to the other man "I need your help to get to the other side, buddy!"

The other man looks around and responds, "You are on the other side, friend!"

The tornado catch...

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Miracles CAN Occur! NSFW

There's a city with a fierce storm and the flood waters threaten to rise.

A devout man goes outside and prays, "Dear Lord, please save me from this flood!"

A bus rolls up to the man and says, "Get in! I'm taking you to safety!"

The man says, "No. God will provide for me." And t...

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There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russ ...

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True story about quick thinking as a dad:

When my kids were little they would visit grandma and her old wood floor gave them splinters if they were barefoot. Every weekend I would end up pulling splinters out of their toes and feet. They would howl something fierce but once the splinter was out they would be so glad.

Cut to a year l...

Bob was a fierce pirate captain...

Bob owned a 1 cannon ship and every day, he went out and fought with this boat. One day, he came across a different 1 cannon ship. He said "Mate, fetch me my red shirt." His mate returned with his red shirt. Bob put the shirt on, started firing, and won. He went sailing the next day and this day, he...

In a fierce argument, the woman says to her husband.

\- "I would be better off had I married the devil!"

\- "Well, you couldn't. Marriage between two close relatives is illegal!"

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

Jhingalala

Two explorers in a jungle were caught by fierce tribe for encroaching their sacred land. The first guy was brought before the high council and given an option jhingalala or death. He chose the first option. All the men of the tribe took turns screwing him till he lay crumpled at the end of the ordea...

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An Englishman and an American are trekking through the jungle when they’re captured by a fierce tribe of cannibals.

The leader of the cannibals tells the duo he and his tribe will eat them unless they go into the jungle and collect 100 pieces of fruit in an hour. The American and the Englishman agree and they each go into the woods. The Englishman is the first to return, carrying a 100 berries in his arms.
...

What kind of cat looks super fierce, but runs off scared to pieces when you blow air in its face?

A dandy lion.

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Three old men, 70, 80, and 90 years young, sat on a park bench for a chat.

During their conversation, the topic of sleep schedules and bodily functions comes up. Of course, being a competitive group, each one feels the need to have the most significant problems.

The 70 year old says, "I wake up at 5 AM every morning and need to pee urgently, but I have to stand th...

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A plane passes through a fierce storm...

In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last mi...

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A snail saves the day

A bear, a moose, a fox, a wolf and a snail were playing cards around a table. Suddenly, the bear let out a faint roar and said:

“Guys, I’m hungry. Could someone go buy some chocolate, or whatever?”

The moose shook his head and nodded towards the fox, who irritatingly slammed his little...

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An American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man are traveling in Africa when they are captured by a fierce tribe of headhunters.

The witch doctor says to them, "We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in knowing that we don't believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of you body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of you hair, we will render your bones for glue and we will tan you...

An old joke about the Gurkhas

During the second world war a company of Germans were in the desert when a voice called out from behind a sand dune: "One Gurkha can kill five Germans!" Irritated by this the German captain sends a couple of soldiers round to sort out this man out, nobody disrespects the German army.

Moments ...

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An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician

To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Irish Viagra?" she asked.
"It's Viagra dissolv...

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A Serbian, a Bosnian and a Montenegrin walked into a bar

They started talking about some random shit when the The bartender interrupted them and said; of each one of you would have to choose to be reincarnated as an animal, what would it be?

The Serbian said- - that's easy, a Bear. They are strong and fierce and respected.

The Bosanac said: ...

i told my friend i thought hurricanes were once named after women cause they are fierce like women

he corrected me and said "no, its because they come wet and wild and end up taking your house"

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barmaid comes to take their order and the Englishman says "w-w-w-what are you, you, y-ou two h-aving?". The Irishman says "B-Bushmills, m-m-mate" and the Scotsman says "M-M-Mackeson's, th-th-thanks," and the Englishman says to the barmaid, "A-a-a B-ushmills, a, a, a, M-Mackeson's and a, and an, ...

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Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

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The adventures of Bob and Frank... (real horrible OC)

Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they run into a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing o...

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One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

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A man sees a pirate sitting a few bar stools down from him...

... the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch like a steroetypical pirate. The man is super curious but he simply nods hello and turns back to his beer. After another pint he summons the courage to turn and ask, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get the wooden leg?"...

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking bette...

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A young adventurer guy is trekking through the deepest, darkest amazon jungle

When out of nowhere, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by 30 of the most fierce-looking tribesmen, all with long spears, bows and arrows, as what looks like the chief walks right up to him.
The guy looks at his situation...and he cries out, "Oh god I'm so fucked!"Just then, the clouds above op...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

The guardsman, the commissar, and the orks.

Preface: In case you are not familiar with the Warhammer universe, if enough orks believe something, reality will warp to make it so. And no... I am not the author of the joke... Do get over it please.



Once upon a time, there was a fierce battle raging in the jungle between the Imperi...

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A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.

The only three survivors are tourists from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for ...

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Simon the prawn is sick of being chased by the other creatures in the lagoon.

He prays to god to make him into a fierce shark and turn the tables on his enemies.


The next day simon has been turned into a Great white shark and has great fun chasing all his enemies round, but soon starts to enjoy bullying all the other creatures too.

After a few days the no...

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Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbledupon a Genie's lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it...

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Choose Your Death

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Irishman are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
...

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I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg, and an eye patch on.

I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg and an eye patch on.

I asked what misfortune caused the loss of his leg. “A shark bit me leg clean off”

Curiosity piqued, I asked about his hand. “This beheaded fish still had the gall to bite down mighty fierce”

Las...

A doctor and a truck driver...

A doctor and a truck driver are both in love with a very beautiful woman named Sara and the competition is fierce. Right as the truck driver is starting to get in good with her, his company sends him on a week long job, but before he leaves he brings Sara 7 apples.
She says "It's perfect! 7 is ...

As chosen by voters, Germany's Berlin Zoo named their two newborn pandas "Hong" and "Kong".

Upon hearing the news, China reacted fiercely and decided to withdraw all pandas from every country back to mainland China. It was a logistical nightmare⁠ to bring all the pandas back—it was pandemonium.

My favourite Math pun

There were once 3 kingdoms that bordered the same lake. In the middle of the lake there was an island, and the 3 kingdoms had been fighting over it for years. No one seemed to be able to keep the upper hand for very long and no one had been victorious. The wars over this little island were very cost...

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A farmer's three virgin daughters are all going on their first date...

Farmer brown loves his daughters dearly, and is fiercely protective of them. So when they all ended up going on their first dates all on the same night, you might say he was a bit angry.

The farmer agreed, but only if he could meet each potential suitor at the door with his shotgun at his sid...

Quasimodo Part I

One Sunday, while on the toilet, Quasimodo heard an unruly crowd outside. He realized he was late to ring the bells of Notre Dame. In a panic, he lept up and ran for the bells, his pants around his ankles. As quickly and fiercely as possible he swung from the ropes to start the bells ringing. ...

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Holmes and Watson are out on a camping trip

Finally away from work, Dr Watson and Sherlock Holmes decide to spend there time off the great outsiders They set up their camp, get a fire roaring, put up their tent and get ready for the evening in the wild. After a nice meal, the two detectives decide it’s time to head on to bed. They both crawl ...

A circus owner was in need of a lion tamer.

A circus owner was in need of a lion tamer.
There was 2 people for the job: an old man, with 60 years old, and an amazing looking blonde, with 25 years old.
The circus owner said to the candidates:
- I'm gonna straight to the issue. My lion is very fierce. Or you're really good, or yo...

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The monkey and the Lion

Deep down in the depths of the jungle, the fierce lion roared at the monkey who had just made it up his tree.

"Oh monkey why won't you come on down !" He roared .

"NO, your going to eat me!"

"I'm not little monkey, I'll ask tiger to tie my front paws up. "

The lions fr...

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Sea captain joke

A young sailor is walking the
docks and spots a sea captain, examining his deck. The sea captain has a peg leg, a hook and an eyepatch. The young sailor, curious, asks the captain "How did you get your peg leg?" The captain replies "Arrr it was a stormy night, and a gust of wind blew me of me bo...

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A lich walks into a tavern

The whole place fell silent. The customers have heard tales of their existence, but most have never seen a lich before. The lich plops himself down at the bar counter, a few seats away from a human warrior and his busty mage companion. They exchanged looks.

"Whoa," the mage whispered. "It's a...

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The lion and the fox

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and everyday there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him: "You call yourself a king? You're nothing but a pussy who's afraid of his own shadow. If you're a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, y...

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The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on quails’ sex drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. They’re fiercely efficient and not really given to jokes.

The Lobe Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert

When they come to a high hill they can see that they are surrounded by wild indians on all sides.
The Lone Ranger says “This doesn’t look good my friend, they look fierce and out for blood. What should we do?”
Tonto reply’s “What do you mean “we” white man?”

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An old hag died.

She was a mother, a wife, and a mother-in-law. Everybody knew that she and her son-in-law hated each other.

But, on the day of the funeral, people arrive at the church and see something unexpected: the son-in-law, over the open casket, holding the hands of the dead woman, forehead pressed to ...

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The Priest and the Nun

A priest and a nun were traveling home from visiting a distant parish when a fierce snow storm forced them to stop. Luckily, they happened to be passing an inn, so they decided to stop for the night to wait out the storm.

Naturally (because this is a joke…) the inn had only one room remaining...

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.


It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

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The great circus trick

One day at the big circus in town, the great circus entertainer decides to do his greatest trick. He comes out on stage along with a big, fierce looking aligator and starts presenting:

'Ladies and gentlemen, today you will be witness to one of the greatest tricks in history. I will place my p...

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A small plane crashes in the jungle...

After a while the pilot awakes, finding the crashed plane surrounded by fierce looking tribal warriors. Upon seening that he's still alive, the warriors seize him, and bring him to their chieftain. The pilot thinks to himself: "Damned, I'm fucked!"

Suddenly, he hears a heavenly voice: "No, yo...

Two guys survive a plane crash in the middle of the desert...

Two guys, John and James, survive a plane crash in the middle of the desert. With nothing better to do, and no food or water, they set out in search of civilisation.

A long while goes by, over which time they develop a fierce hunger. Suddenly, off in the distance, they spot a building. Excit...

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Americans go hiking in the USSR

A group of american tourists came to the USSR and decided to go hiking in a traditional Soviet way. They got the tents, vodka, made a camp in the forest.

Suddenly a huge bear appears from the bushes, starts to roar and ruins the camp in a few seconds. The americans run as fast as they can fo...

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A 2nd Grade Teacher was Fired Today /DryHumor

A superintendent, school principal, vice principal, and New Jersey Department of Education are touring the elementary school for their annual walkthrough.

The hallways buzz about as they pass classroom after classroom, a living collage of Language Arts lessons, Social Studies, sing songs edut...

A guy rescued a genie.

To return the favor, the genie offered him a wish: he could have unlimited money, or unlimited wisdom. The man chose the latter. A few days passed by, his friend came to visit him, finding him crying very fiercely and screaming the sentence: "I should have chosen the money."

Timmy the Turtle...

Timmy the turtle climbed the tree with a glint in his and fierce determination. Finally, standing on the edge of a branch, he jumped and flapped his little legs as fiercely as he could. He hit the ground with a sickening thud and laid there for a few moments before heading back to the tree, blood st...

A captain takes his crew into battle

A captain and his crew were sailing through the waters. A crewman calls from the lookout nest.

"Captain! 5 enemy ships headed our way!"

The captain turns to a sailor and says "Bring me my red shirt." The sailor bring him his red shirt and the captain leads them into battle. The battl...

Little Johnny goes Trick or Treating as a pirate...

... When he gets to the house of a kind old woman, she says "Oh don't you look fierce! But tell me, where are your buccaneers?"

Johnny replies "Under my bucking hat, where else would they be?!?"

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There was an old man in a small African village about to turn 100 years old.

Easily the oldest man around those parts, the local newspaper decides to run an article on him. They sent a reporter over to interview him and he asked all the usual questions, "Have you lived around here all of your life?" "What are some of the most memorable changes you've seen in your lifetime?" ...

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There was once a defected army general named Choo who was hellbent on taking over the world

The army he commanded was the most fierce, most massive and the most successful army in the region. The army was so reputable, that they informally became known as the R's, for Ruthless, because they took no survivors. It was either join them or die. So naturally, many people wanted to work for them...

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A guy wakes up one morning and sees a gorilla in the tree outside his second-story bedroom window.

He panics and calls the first wild animal control company in the phone book, a discount one as it turns out. An old man shows up at his door a few minutes later holding a crate. He steps inside the house and unloads a pair of handcuffs, a shotgun, an collapsible 10-foot pole and a small angry Chih...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

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Young Indian Brave.

Once there was a young Indian Brave who could never do anything right. After years of being teased by the Tribe he had enough and wanted out. He went to the Chief and told him he no longer wanted to be part of the Tribe. Puzzled, the great old Chief said that no one but Death had ever left the tribe...

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The Las Vegas Ice Cream Eating Contest

The Scooper Duper Creamery was a small ice cream shop on the Vegas Strip. They would hold ice cream eating contests on the weekends that, being in Vegas, would be bet on by the tourists.

Anyone could sign up to participate in the challenge if they were daring enough. To win, one would have t...

Baby camel talking to daddy camel

"Dad, why have we got these humps?"

"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"

"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"

"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and tre...

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A college student does a semester abroad, and lands in the Shetland Islands...[this one benefits from a fine Scots brogue!]

He's doing some research into a certain strain of peat that grows up there in the harsh, cold Shetland climate, and he takes a plane to a boat to a small plane to a ferry, and arrives around midnight.

And nobody is there. Nobody at the ferry pier, nobody in the streets. He finds the address o...

Told by my brother, punchline gets me everytime

Three men are adventuring through the Amazon jungle, searching for treasure. One day, as they were hacking through brush they are ambushed and captured by a fierce tribe. One of the warriors acts as the translator, and tells the three men what the leader of the tribe is planning for them. "You have ...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

Captain Bravo

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Hand me my red shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captai...

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A little story of a boy and his dog

Timmy's best friend was his dog. His dog was his only friend when his dad got a new job and they had to relocate. His dog was there to scare away the bullies when he was an awkward kid in school. Timmy's dog was even there as a shoulder to cry on when Timmy had his first broken heart. They grew fro...

Gorilla Problem

A woman woke up one morning to find a ferocious-looking gorilla in a tree on her African plantation. She quickly phoned the local game warden, who arrived minutes later. In one hand he held a shotgun, and in the other the leash of a fierce Doberman pinscher. As they walked to the tree, the warden ex...

Soiled Pirate

There once was a noble Pirate who had a very mighty crew.
One day, they spotted an enemy ship coming towards them when they were sailing.
The Pirate said "YOU! Go get me red shirt!"
So the young and rising Pirate did as the captain had said.
Then a fierce battle took place between the tw...

King of the jungle??

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all...

Missionary friend told me this joke on the pulpit before going to Argentina.

So a pair of righteous Mormon missionaries are out tracting in the heart of Africa having just converted a small village. On their way to the next village they have to trudge through several miles of dangerous Jungle.

One of the missionaries spies out the corner of his eye a fierce lion walk...

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