A young Italian couple got married but the man had to go to war before they could consummate their marriage.

He returned a year later battle wounded missing part of his foot and burns on his back. The young lady was living with her mother. When he walks in the door he gives her a big hug and goes up stairs to take a shower.

The mom told the daughter “go upstairs and take care of your wifely duties”...

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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,

when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the...

A Newly-Wed couple is in their hotel room, ready to consummate the marriage...

... the groom sits on the edge of the bed and takes off his socks. His new bride looks at his feet and says, "Woah! What in the world happened to your feet!?"

"Oh that.. when I was young I contracted toelio!" he replies.

"Toelio!?" she exclaims, "you mean POLio right?"

"Nope, ...

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A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage.

A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage. Both are nervous and start getting undressed. The man takes his shoes and socks off and the woman shrieks "OMG! What's wrong with your feet?" The husband, having grossly misshapen toes replies "When I was a kid I contracted toelio." The b...

Two Inuits marry and consummate that night.

The next morning, the bride discovers that she is six months pregnant.

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Stroke of Genius

A deaf newlywed couple are on their honeymoon about to consummate their marriage. They get in bed and turn the lights out. Seconds later the wife turns her bedside lamp on.
Wife: Honey, we need a way of communicating in the dark.
Husband: You're right. Suggestions?
Wife:Ok. If you want sex...

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A Jewish couple is about to consummate their marriage...

But before they get to business, they both have to use the restroom. The groom goes in and goes pee, and after he is done, he forgets to put the seat down. The bride, not realizing the seat was still up, sits down and gets stuck in the toilet.

She yells for help, and her new husband comes in ...

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How do you consummate a royal wedding?

By getting royally fucked.

A newlywed couple has just retired to their honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage

As they undress, the groom hands his pants to the bride and says, "here, put these on."

The bride pulls them on and says, "honey, I can't wear these pants, they're too big."

The groom replies, "that's right. I wear the pants in this relationship."

The bride then picks up her lac...

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A guy and his new wife were about to consummate their marriage

The man starts pawing all over her. She pushes him away and says "if we're going to make this work, I want manners and respect!" The man smooths his hair down, folds his hands and says "my dearest, I'm so sorry, I'll be a perfect gentleman from now on." "Good" she says "that's better." To which the ...

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Two newlyweds check into a hotel...

The groom is at the check-in counter and is clearly nervous. The bellhop asks him if he's ok and in an attempt to build his confidence he reassures him that when it comes time to consummate the marriage he will be in the next room. If there is any trouble just yell out...

The couple gets sett...

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A celebate man was about to get married...

He had been "saving himself" for marriage, and had never watched pornography or had any remotely sexual encounters. He was incredibly nervous about being able to perform on his wedding night, and went to his best man to talk about it.

His best man tried to give him a pep talk, but ultimately...

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You're welcome!

Once upon a time, there was a particularly intelligent sperm cell living inside a particularly large blue whale. From the time it was created, the sperm cell studied diligently and learned a great many things. It read the full text of Wikipedia. It learned languages, history, science. It learned the...

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A Couple Meet Online

They were both members of a senior chat site, and eventually started PMing each other, and then decided to meet in person.

That's when she discovered her mistake: she thought it was for seniors in college, where she was a cheerleader, but it was actually senior citizens. Her date was 73 year...

A man and a woman had just gotten married, and were spending their first night at her mother's house.

The mother tells her daughter "OK, you go upstairs and enjoy your husband, and I'll cook dinner". The newlyweds then head upstairs to the bedroom and the husband begins to undress, eager to consummate their union. He starts by removing his shirt, which earns him a startled look from his bride before...

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Two men are fishing.

One asks the other how his recent marriage is going.

"Not so well. We haven't been able to consummate the marriage. The wife has gonorrhea."

"Wow, that's bad. I suppose there's always oral sex?"

"Nope. She has a serious gum infection - pyorrhea."

"Is she up for, ahem, an...

A mans life

So a lonely gentleman finds himself a attractive lady of the night to help satisfy his physical desires. After some negotiations they retire to a nearby hotel to consummate their business. While disrobing the young lady sees that the gentleman is rather unendowed, pointing and laughing she asks, “Wh...

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An elderly couple is dating and decide to get married.

The wedding comes along and everything goes well. For their wedding night the rent a really posh hotel room to celebrate and consummate the marriage.

The man is in the bed naked waiting for his new wife to come out of the washroom. She comes out in a nightie.

As things begin to heat u...

A couple decided to get married after only dating for a few weeks

As they came to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, the husband looked into his wife’s eyes:

 

“Honey, I haven’t been completely honest. I am a golf addict. I think about golf all the time, I dream of golf and every chance I get I’m going to go and have a round.”

&a...

A wealthy elderly man is on his honeymoon with his much younger bride

As they're about to consummate the marriage, he starts putting on a condom.

"Oh don't be silly" she remarks, "We shouldn't need to use one of those at your age."



"Oh no, it's not for protection" he says, "I just like the smell of burning rubber."

A young man is sitting in a bar looking sad.

Bartender: What’s the matter son?

Man: My marriage is over.

Bartender: What happened?

Man: Tracy, my high school sweetheart and I just got married last month. We waited till the wedding night to consummate our love. But it didn’t go so well.

Bartender: That‘s pretty co...

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I recently traveled through time to hook-up with Queen Victoria, the famous nympho-queen of England in the late 1800's.

I was stunned to find out that she wanted me adorned in the latest fashions before we consummated our tri-millenium tryst. She made me wait until I grew large mutton-chop side-burns and a moustache. It took like three weeks. Meanwhile, she had a high fastening and tight fitting frock coat cut to ...

The Italian bride

A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride's mother's country cottage. It's the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don't have much money so this is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a m...

I knew a guy who married a tree...

My neighbor fell in love with this oak tree on his property. He ended up having a wedding ceremony and everything (don't ask how he consummated it...). All things considered it was one of the most stable marriages I had ever seen, lasting nearly 20 years. Then a lightning strike split the tree in ha...

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel.

The madam said, "You'll have to wait."

"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."

"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."

"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."

So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff...

An elderly man reunites with his lost love

One day, an elderly man is out for a walk when he discovers his lost teenage love, a woman who's about his age. The two get together, and in an instant can tell the old Fire is there. Together they rent out a small motel room when, just as they throw off their clothes, the Reaper appears at the foot...

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride,...

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A chef if having trouble killing a turtle...

It's a high class establishment along the campaign trail, and the Trump posse has just entered the restaurant, with Trump demanding turtle soup.

The chef, a consummate professional, starts working on the food. But this time, the turtle is not cooperating. Every time he goes to grab its head, ...

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A redneck couple from West Virginia get married..

That night, they stay in a cheap motel. Just as they're about to consummate the marriage, the woman says- "Be gentle- it's my first time."

The new husband gets dressed and storms home to tell his parents the devastating news:

"You did the right thing, son", says his father. "If she a...

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Newlyweds

One night, a newly married couple take to their bed after the party and after some smooching they decide they're ready to consummate the marriage. So the groom drops his pants and gets a shriek out of the Bride.

"What's wrong with you!" he shouts at her.
"Ohh! OOH! What's THAT?!" she repli...

The old Priest

In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama a...

An 87 year old man marries a 27 year old girl...

They decide to go to exotic India for their honeymoon. But once they arrive the man is exhausted by jet lag and isn't able to consummate the marriage. He begs her forgiveness and says "I just need a little nap and then we can go."

3 hours later he's still asleep and his young chick is bored a...

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I respect my wife

One day, a man interviews a 90 year old couple who have been married for 70 years. During the entire interview, the man is always constantly respectful of his wife. He does whatever she says without a hint of complaint. The reporter asks, "How is it possible you are still happily married after so lo...

An avid golfer meets a woman on the golf course...

...and they decide to spend the rest of the day golfing with each other. Enjoying each other's company, the two spend many more weekends golfing and eventually fall in love.

The two get married. That evening as they are about to consummate their love, the woman admits she has a confession. Sh...

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A Chinese couple on their wedding night...

...were getting ready to consummate the marriage. As virgins, the man and the woman start talking about what they want to do.

"Honey, what would you like to try... I'll do anything that you might enjoy", says the husband.

"I'm not really sure", says the wife shyly, "but my friends...

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"The Virgin"

This is a Hungarian joke. Man marries the woman, and after the wedding the get ready in the honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage. The man wants to be really tactful and graduate so as not to freak out the young bride. He pulls down his pants and points at his organ: "And this, my dear, is ca...

A Bride and Groom just married are on their honeymoon...

the first night getting ready to consummate the marriage the bride starts to undo her new husbands clothes.

She starts by taking of his shoes and socks. To her surprise, she sees that his toes all mangled and gnarly, and asks 'Good heavens what is wrong with your toes?!'

The Groom exp...

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A married couple return to the same hotel 25 years after their first night together.

They enter the very same room where they consummated their marriage, close the door and put their luggage down. They gaze around the room and the wife says, "Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday." Her husband asks, "You remember our first night here?" with a twinkle in his eye. She nods her head ...

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