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Unconditional Jokes

First post: unconditional love test

Lock your wife/husband in the trunk of your car for an hour, then your dog. Guess who's still happy to see you...

Unconditional love

Repost due to incomplete joke, if anyone wants to trim it or change it for the better feel free:
I was watching Jimmy Kimmel and discussing where to go for lunch with my girlfriend when the topic of “unconditional love” was brought up. I nodded and told her “…of course I love you and you love...

”I love you unconditionally*.” -God

*Terms and conditions apply.
See Bible for more details.

I treat my family like dogs.

With financial support and unconditional love.

French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...

France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.

Smash your head into a computer keyboard and see what comes up.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

My Father used to say that there are four rules for getting married:

You need a woman who loves you unconditionally, a woman who will always challenge you, a woman who you always want to make love to and most importantly, you have to make sure that none of those women ever meet!

A child asked his father: "Dad, What is a man?"

A child asked his father: "Dad, What is a man?"

Dad: "A man is someone who loves you unconditionally , cares about you and protects you!"

Child: "Oh okay! When i grow up, I want to be a man just like mom!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...

1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have sex with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.

My granddad was a wise man...

...he told me that you can't find happiness all by yourself. To live a truly happy life you need to be in a fulfilling relationship. You need to find a wife that loves you unconditionally, a wife that challenges you on a daily basis, a wife that you always want to make love to and most importantly y...

The starship Enterprise is about to face annihilation from a superior ship, but Picard comes up with a cunning plan.

"We'll beam Lieutenant Worf on to their ship to offer our unconditional surrender", says Picard

"But Captain", interrupts Riker, "they might not take us seriously if you send Worf. It might be wise to send Commander Troi".

"Nonsense! Put him in a wooly sweater, a wooly hat and gloves,...

A man walked into a bar, and saw a guy at the end of the bar with a giant orange head...

He asked the bar tender “what’s the deal with the guy with the giant orange head?” The bar tender said “you should probably just ask him about his giant orange head.”

So the guy bought two beers, brought one over and slammed it in front of the other guy. He said “I bought you a beer, but firs...

A bar owner and his dog

There was a bar owner that recently adopted a pet Labrador. The dog instantly became a good friend to the pub regulars and was not long officially made the pub mascot. The mutt became a part of the pub, and everyone who went there was greeted by the licks and unconditional love of the creature.
...

Giant Orange Head

A guy walks into a bar and notices a man with a giant orange head sitting at the end. The guy sits next to orange-head, and orders a drink. After a few minutes of stealing glances, the guy can't take it anymore and breaks the silence.
"I'm sorry sir, but I have to ask: what's with your head?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's like a baby down there...

A young virginal couple are in their honeymoon suite, nervous about their first encounter. The husband the more nervous of the two says: "Honey, um I need to tell you, well it's like a baby down there." The new blushing bride consoles her new husband with assurances that everything will be fine, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Magic Lamp

A man whose wife had just divorced him was walking down along the beach trying to figure out what he was going to do next with his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something hard in the sand and he was immediately surrounded by smoke. A Booming voice said :

"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP"
...

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