People in COVID-19 Denial

A Referee shouting 'QUIET PLEASE' during a Tennis match without audience

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

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Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Saturday, Sunday.

my wife tried to tell me that I'm in denial...

So I told her to go back to school and learn geography because I'm standing nowhere near a river in Egypt

"Denial isn't just a river in Brazil."

"That's the Amazon."

"No, I refuse to believe that."

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The 7 stages of grief

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
6. Saturday
7. Sunday

I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...

So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.

How to get laid in five easy steps!

1 - Denial

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I hosted a party for people into orgasm denial

No one came.

Why did the Pharaoh drown?

He couldn't swim but he was in denial.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

What do you say when someone is in denial about the laws of refractions?

Snell's like teen spirit

A scientist told me my climate change denial was wrong, citing the horrific brush fires we see wiping out swathes of vegetation all over the world.

I told him they were just plants.

My friend just went to Egypt

He had a break up and now he's in denial

How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?

Jack Denials

I know a guy who takes denial to the next level.

He doesn't believe in stairs.

There’s no E in denial

And no I in Elleterate

My wife left me because she believes I live in constant denial

Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary

How many people in denial does it take to change a lightbulb ?

There is nothing wrong with the lightbulb.

My girlfriend asked me if we could explore her denial kink more.

I said no.

I was in denial until her wake...

But then I saw her face... now I'm a bereaver

People tell me there are lots of rivers in Africa. They're wrong, there's only one.

Denial.

Carl and his friends are at the Nile River in Africa when his friend receives a call

“Carl, your wife’s car flipped on the road while she was driving, she didn’t make it.” His friend said as he put his hand on Carl’s shoulder.

“No, it’s not true, oh God!” Carl said as he jumped in the Nile River, attempting to drown himself.

“What the hell is going on?!” Carl’s other f...

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

I once fell into an African river but refused to accept it

I was in denial

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Welcome to the Mental Health telephone help line.

If you have short-term memory loss, please press 0.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4 and 5.
If you are in denial, please press 6 to con...

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

My mechanic thinks i'm in denial over my brake fluid leak.

But he's wrong; I can stop any time i want.

This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually

Attendees will be told not to come

My friends say im in denial

I dont know what theyre talking about.

Cleopatra fell out of her boat but wouldn’t admit she was wet.

She was in denial.

It's been 5 months since my best friend drowned in a river in Egypt.

....and he's still in denial.

In what part of Egypt do people tell lies?

Denial River

My girlfriend said being with me is like being on a diet.

I was touched at first and told her that I feel like being with her is a continual journey of self-improvement and striving to get to a better place too.

I felt a little worse after she explained that she only meant it in the sense that being with me is a perpetual struggle of self-denial mo...

Teenager: I Think I'm pregnant mom.

Mom: No you're not

Teenager: I believe I'm pregnant!

Mom: I said you're not!

Teenager: I'M PREGNANT! WHY ARE YOU IN DENIAL? I'M PREGNANT! PREGNAAAANT!

MOM: SHUT UP SON! You're not!

So there's only one state with no confirmed coronavirus infections, do you know which one it is?

The state of denial

They need to move China to Egypt ...

... because they are in a deep state of denial.

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The lion is having a party

and invites all animals, but the frog.
The frog, wanting to join the party badly, asks several animals if they could smuggle him to the party. After a dozen denials he goes to the silly bear, who agrees to put the frog in his chest pocket.

The day of the party comes and everybody is havin...

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

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3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography

Teacher: "what state do you live in?"

Student: "denial."

Pharaoh, surrounded by family and advisors, tells everyone that he can jump in the river and not get wet at all

They say that they would love to see his godly powers, and encourage him to do it.

He then jumps into the river and, as you would expect, gets soaked.

Despite this, he stands up and shouts "look everyone! I am completely dry!"

And it was clear to everyone around him that he was...

What do you call Cleopatra when she’s depressed?

The Queen of Denial.

Cynthia Wong is giving birth at her local hospital...

...that her and her husband Vincent helped to build with their generous donations over the past few years. After a brief hello with his new mom, the newborn boy is taken off to the maternity ward.

After a while, the dad takes a stroll over to the ward to see his new son through the glass, but...

There is no “I”

In denial.

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Two guys go to the river Nile

1: "Yo bro, lets cool off in the river"

2: "Hmm nah dude im good"

1: "Awh come on man, you aren't scared of a little water are you?"

2: "Um n-no, im not, alright lets do it"

So they both swim out into the river, but the 2nd man starts to struggle and thrash around
...

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"

What's perfectly round and fits into round holes perfectly well?

A square peg in denial.

The 5 stages of Election Day

The 5 stages of presidential election ending.
1) Denial(while results are being tallied) - this isn't happening. No this can't be.

2) Anger (after the results are in) - the words described are not repeatable and may not be suitable for young children.

3) Bargaining (a few hours a...

When I told my friend how my dad drowned in the longest river on earth, he didn't belive me.

He was in denial.

The Egyptian Boatmaker

Have you heard about the Egyptian boatmaker? For as long as he can remember, he has been wanting to make boats for a living.
But despite practicing his craft his entire life, he was always ridiculed for his work. Because no matter how hard he tried, his boats were not able to float for more than ...

Why was Cleopatra sitting on a boat, sad, going down a river?

Because she was in denial.

An old Egyptian pharaoh drowned himself when he learned the new, younger pharaoh was taking over...

He was in denial.

I can't believe that Fisherman told me there were no rivers in Africa

He was clearly in denial

Why didn't the Egyptian woman think she was pretty?

Because she was in denial.

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Real Rabbi Joke

OK - so many years ago, i was actually a practicing jew, in a yeshiva no less. The rabbi's would sometimes tell us jokes. most were awful. this one i thought was amusing. in a reddit filled with old reposts, i think it'll at least be a bit fresh.

A long time ago there was a small jewish commu...

If President Trump passes away while in office, he will never admit it because...

...he'll continue tweeting denials about it from the grave:

===

---

>>###Yes, it is true - Tupac Shakur, the great Afro-American musician, called me about getting together for a meeting. We met, HE IS A GREAT GUY!

>>— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) Decembe...

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The traveling salesman and the farmer's wife

Now Jim was traveling the back woods of Iowa, looking for someone needing a vacuum. Now late that afternoon, as is want to happen, his car broke down, leaving him stranded. Now, luckily Farmer Jones came along on his old John Deere, and Jim explained what had happened. Of course they both realize...

I asked my brother if he has a fetish for rivers...

He's in denial.

Breaking news! Due to heavy storms, all the rivers in Egypt are flooding.

The citizens of Cairo are still in denial

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A man discovers some weird fuchsia spots on his penis

after returning from a pleasure trip to Xinjiang. So he sees his doctor, who has no clue what it is and sends the guy to his medical school mentor. The old mentor pages through some of his dusty books and finally identifies the disorder as a rare, China-specific venereal disease, the only cure for w...

Fishy tales

Why couldn't the Egyptian fisherman get over the fact that his boat had sunk?

Because he was stuck in denial.

Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer?

In denial.

A little doctor joke

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm in a large African river!

Doctor: Ah, you must be in denial.

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