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Kinky Jokes

I hope your internet is kinky

Because it's about to get choked

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Kinky sex

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. ...

How can you tell if someone is a geneticist or kinky?

Ask them what the opposite of “dominant” is.

My girlfriend got so kinky it caught me completely off guard

On several separate occasions she dressed as a teacher, a doctor, a police officer, and as a prison guard. But it didn't prepare me for what came yesterday.

Because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

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Kinky sisters……..

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven.

In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question....

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

A feather vs the whole chicken.

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Dad? What's the definition of 'kinky'?

Dunno son, now help me lift your granny off this doorknob

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Kinky guys visits a prostitute and says surprise me

She removes her left eye and tell him go fuck her in the eye socket. He does and it's the best he ever had.

As he's leaving he tells her that he will certainly see her again.

She responds. OK, I'll keep an eye out for you.

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A was man drowning his sorrows at the bar. A beautiful woman sat down beside him and asked, “What is wrong?”

He said: “My wife just left me because I am too kinky in bed.”

The lady gasped, “My husband left me for the same reason!”

A few drinks later, they end up at her place and she says: “I’m going to the bathroom to change into something ‘more comfortable.’

Ten minutes later, she ...

My tinder date said she was kinky

Turns out she has scoliosis

What’s a kinky Italians favourite pasta?

Fetischini

My spouse wanted to try some kinky fish/fisherman role play last night.

I'm hooked

Why are percussionists particularly kinky?

They're always hitting the off beats

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

I built a website for kinky guitarists

It’s called FretLife

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NSFW so my girlfriend and I were having sex and I asked her if she was into anything kinky

" well there is one thing " she said looking kind of uncomfortable

Me: "well what is it?"

Her: "I...... Really like deaf people"

Me: "what???"

And then she came

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I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross.

I have sex with her because it's kinky.

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I was fucking my wife last night ( NSFW )

I was fucking my wife last night when she looked back and said ,"i'm feeling kinky tonight , turn off the light and stick it in my arse".

As soon as i did , she screamed

Maybe next time i should let the bulb cool down first

What is the difference between a mosquito and a kinky girl?

Well the mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

My cheese was too kinky

It wanted to be de-grated.

What do you call a kinky dinosaur?

A Doyouhaveasoreass

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There was a couple who explored kinky sex but they finally decided they liked “oral” more than “foot fetish.”

They were “head over heels” in love.

I've Been Getting Into A Kinky Combination Of Sadism, Bestiality, And Necrophilia.

But, maybe I'm just beating a dead horse.

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

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My wife is really kinky, she likes to talk to me during sex.

The other night she called me from her motel room

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Did you hear about the sex worker who specialised in kinky clients?

He had a big threesome set up. Didn't go very well though...
He got off on the wrong foot.

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A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered.

She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to...

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Kinky sex

Hubby says "I fancy kinky sex, can I cum in your ear?"

Wife says "NO I might go deaf"

Hubby says "I've been cumin in your mouth for 20 years and you're still fucking talking!!"

Did you hear about the kinky baker?

He was into roll play.

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How are kinky, exotic, and perverted sex different?

Kinky is when you tickle your lover's ass with a feather.
Exotic is when you use the whole chicken.
Perverted is when your lover is the chicken

I don't know how my wife figured out I was into some kinky stuff...

But she had me pegged from the start.

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What is the difference between erotic and kinky sex?

A sadist, a masochistic, a murderer, a necrophilic, a zoophilic and a pyromaniac sit in the garden of psychiatry and are terribly bored.

Once the zoophile sounds:
- What if we fucked a cat?

For this, the sadist:
-Yes, let's fuck him and then torture him well.

The mur...

Rapunzel was just kinky.

She just wanted her hair pulled. She didn't need to be saved.

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

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My wife said she was leaving me because I'm too kinky

I almost choked on her piss when I heard it.

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I used to be into kinky stuff....

When I was younger I admit I used to have a kinky side. At first, like most young people exploring their sexuality, it started off with pretty tame stuff. Handcuffs....a little whipping....you know, BDSM.


But that grew boring eventually and I began to search for something new that coul...

So my wife thinks it's kinky to answer the door wearing just my t shirt

But when i did the same wearing her dress, i now need to have a 'talk' with a psychologist.

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Some say the best part of having kinky sex with a German girl is getting Vienna sausages shoved up your ass.

Others say it’s the wurst part.

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Kinky sex.

What do you call kinky sex that involves chocolate?

S & M & M

What do you call a Kinky drug dealer?

A “Bud” plug...

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Kinky Sex

A man at a bar sees a stunning brunette and asks if he can buy her a drink.
She replies "Look buddy, i know what you're trying to do here and let me just tell you that I scare a lot of men because i'm so kinky."
He says "I'm pretty kinky myself, perhaps we could see if we're compatible."
Ov...

What do kinky ghosts enjoy?

Boo-kake

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Kinky Stuff...

So a guy walks into a bar with a really long face looking very dejected and sits at the bar and orders a drink. A while later a woman walks in also looking very down, sits a couple stools over from him and orders a drink.

Eventually they start chatting and she asks him,"Why the long face?"...

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin,...

Did you hear about the kinky whelk?

It pulled a mussel.

This doesn't work in American English.

In British slang, if you chat someone up and they like you, you have *pulled*.

Sorry I failed!

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

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The kinky jungle king orders fellow animals to an orgy party. (NSFW)

The kinky jungle king addressed his animal kingdom “Tomorrow is our annual sex orgy party. Participation is mandatory and I trust each one of you to make it hot if you want to survive under my rule.”

The kickoff of the much anticipated party finally arrived. The lion started his inspection wa...

What do a kinky lawyer and a flat earther have in common?

Pulling evidence out if their ass

What food did the Italian wife make before a night of kinky activities?

Fetish-ini

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Kinky

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots of Jack Daniels. He downs them 1, 2, 3 and asks for three more. Stunned at this, a women sitting at the opposite end of the bar comments 'woah, slow down there tiger.' The man looks at her, feels the alcohol taking instant effect and finds her strikingl...

Couples with Alzheimer’s are so kinky.

They almost always wake up in bed with someone whose name they can’t remember.

I what’s the similarity’s between a cop and a kinky girlfriend?

They both keep chocking you even after you ask to stop.

My wife said she wanted to do something kinky

So I gave her whiplash

What did the kinky lawnmower say to get turned on?

Choke me daddy

My wife decided to try something kinky for my birthday. She thought pegging would just my day special she was wrong.

It made my hole weak.

A kinky woman handcuffed me and said, "I always wanted to do this to you"

Then she took me to prison

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Kinky old coupld (NSFW)

Grandpa and Grandma have been married for about 40 years.
Their sexual life is not what it used to be and Grandma wants to fix the situation.
While reading a magazine she comes across an advertising for flavored condoms.
She goes to her local pharmacy and buys a whole bunch of different fla...

What's a kinky Native Americans favorite drink?

Tea pee

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I like recording myself drinking tea whilst having kinky sex with a woman...

...I call the video "50 shades of Earl Grey"

What do kinky vegans say in the bedroom?

“Artichoke me, Daddy”.

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