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How can you tell if someone is a geneticist or kinky?

Ask them what the opposite of “dominant” is.

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NSFW so my girlfriend and I were having sex and I asked her if she was into anything kinky

" well there is one thing " she said looking kind of uncomfortable

Me: "well what is it?"

Her: "I...... Really like deaf people"

Me: "what???"

And then she came

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

For erotic, you use a feather - for kinky, it's the whole bird.

My spouse wanted to try some kinky fish/fisherman role play last night.

I'm hooked

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Some say the best part of having kinky sex with a German girl is getting Vienna sausages shoved up your ass.

Others say it’s the wurst part.

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Three words

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous sexy young woman entered.

She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him.

Before he ...

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Did you hear about the sex worker who specialised in kinky clients?

He had a big threesome set up. Didn't go very well though...
He got off on the wrong foot.

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A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her.

The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the s...

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Kinky guys visits a prostitute and says surprise me

She removes her left eye and tell him go fuck her in the eye socket. He does and it's the best he ever had.

As he's leaving he tells her that he will certainly see her again.

She responds. OK, I'll keep an eye out for you.

I hope your internet is kinky

Because it's about to get choked

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My wife is really kinky, she likes to talk to me during sex.

The other night she called me from her motel room

So my wife thinks it's kinky to answer the door wearing just my t shirt

But when i did the same wearing her dress, i now need to have a 'talk' with a psychologist.

I don't know how my wife figured out I was into some kinky stuff...

But she had me pegged from the start.

Lately, I've been getting into a kinky combination of sadism, bestiality, and necrophilia.

But, maybe I'm just beating a dead horse.

I built a website for kinky guitarists

It’s called FretLife

What did the kinky chilli dish say to the chef?

Put some cumin me

My wife decided to try something kinky for my birthday. She thought pegging would just my day special she was wrong.

It made my hole weak.

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A couple meet in a bar, and over a few drinks discover a mutual interest in kinky sex, so they adjourn back to her place.

She excuses herself to go change into something a little more...else. Twenty-some minutes later she comes back out wearing an executioner's hood, elbow length opera gloves, under-bust hourglass corset, spiked thong, stockings, and thigh-high, stiletto heel boots. She cracks a bullwhip and says, "On ...

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?

Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

My cheese was too kinky

It wanted to be de-grated.

A kinky woman handcuffed me and said, "I always wanted to do this to you"

Then she took me to prison

My girlfriend got so kinky it caught me completely off guard

On several separate occasions she dressed as a teacher, a doctor, a police officer, and as a prison guard. But it didn't prepare me for what came yesterday.

Because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

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Kinky sex

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. ...

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wifes vist to the Doctors.

The wife has just got back from the doctors after a night on kinky sex,


Asked her how it went.

Apparently She walked in with a bit of a limp and uneasily lowered her trousers to reveal a piece of lettuce hanging from her minge.


The doctor gaspsed in disbelief and said wi...

What is the difference between a mosquito and a kinky girl?

Well the mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

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Compatibility

A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his f...

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What is the difference between erotic and kinky sex?

A sadist, a masochistic, a murderer, a necrophilic, a zoophilic and a pyromaniac sit in the garden of psychiatry and are terribly bored.

Once the zoophile sounds:
- What if we fucked a cat?

For this, the sadist:
-Yes, let's fuck him and then torture him well.

The mur...

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I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross.

I have sex with her because it's kinky.

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

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I was fucking my wife last night ( NSFW )

I was fucking my wife last night when she looked back and said ,"i'm feeling kinky tonight , turn off the light and stick it in my arse".

As soon as i did , she screamed

Maybe next time i should let the bulb cool down first

What do you call a kinky dinosaur?

A Doyouhaveasoreass

What food did the Italian wife make before a night of kinky activities?

Fetish-ini

What do a kinky lawyer and a flat earther have in common?

Pulling evidence out if their ass

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How are kinky, exotic, and perverted sex different?

Kinky is when you tickle your lover's ass with a feather.
Exotic is when you use the whole chicken.
Perverted is when your lover is the chicken

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin,...

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

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4th of July bash

A career Wall Street stockbroker was burnt out and decided to go off the grid completely. He had enough of that dog-eat-dog lifestyle, the stress, the non-stop rat race of NYC, the constantly fluctuating stock market, and his many irate clients.

So, he decided to leave New York and buy a cabi...

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My girlfriend thought it would be kinky to paint our privates, but after I painted my nuts, she changed her mind and left

I've had blue balls ever since

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The kinky jungle king orders fellow animals to an orgy party. (NSFW)

The kinky jungle king addressed his animal kingdom “Tomorrow is our annual sex orgy party. Participation is mandatory and I trust each one of you to make it hot if you want to survive under my rule.”

The kickoff of the much anticipated party finally arrived. The lion started his inspection wa...

What do you call a Kinky drug dealer?

A “Bud” plug...

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

I what’s the similarity’s between a cop and a kinky girlfriend?

They both keep chocking you even after you ask to stop.

"Take of my bra" i say "ok" "take of my panties" i say " getting kinky"

"Now stop wearing my lingerie!"

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A was man drowning his sorrows at the bar. A beautiful woman sat down beside him and asked, “What is wrong?”

He said: “My wife just left me because I am too kinky in bed.”

The lady gasped, “My husband left me for the same reason!”

A few drinks later, they end up at her place and she says: “I’m going to the bathroom to change into something ‘more comfortable.’

Ten minutes later, she ...

Did you hear about the kinky baker?

He was into roll play.

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I used to be into kinky stuff....

When I was younger I admit I used to have a kinky side. At first, like most young people exploring their sexuality, it started off with pretty tame stuff. Handcuffs....a little whipping....you know, BDSM.


But that grew boring eventually and I began to search for something new that coul...

I went on a date last night and I knew the girl was a little kinky but then she showed me the furry outfit she wanted me to wear...

It gave me paws.

TIFU by getting kinky with a variety of citrus fruits...

Ive just tested positive for lemonaids.

Rapunzel was just kinky.

She just wanted her hair pulled. She didn't need to be saved.

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Kinky Sex

A man was sitting at a singles bar when he was approached by a woman.

"Excuse me, but is this seat taken?" She asked him, motioning to the empty seat next to him.

"No, It isn't." He said. The woman sat down.

"Well, now that I'm sitting here, would you mind buying me a drink?"...

My wife said she wanted to do something kinky

So I gave her whiplash

What did the kinky lawnmower say to get turned on?

Choke me daddy

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My wife said she was leaving me because I'm too kinky

I almost choked on her piss when I heard it.

I met this girl at the bar the other day. She was pretty kinky so I asked how she likes being tied up.

She said "mmmphmphmppph"

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The wife was feeling kinky and tried jerking me off with her feet...

...but she was just rubbing me the wrong way.

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I like recording myself drinking tea whilst having kinky sex with a woman...

...I call the video "50 shades of Earl Grey"

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I walled into the bedroom to find that my wife had laid out a kinky outfit for me.

She's shit at ironing.

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The coronavirus is a lot like a kinky sex life. I don't mind having it, but I'm scared...

...my parents have it too...

What do kinky ghosts enjoy?

Boo-kake

The difference between being naughty and being kinky

Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot

What's the difference between a kinky person and a pervert?

A kinky person uses a feather. A Pervert uses the whole chicken.

Bonus:: Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken.

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At a bakery

At a bakery there was two pastries talking to each other and really hitting it off. Eventually, it started getting really kinky. With one thing leading to another, they ended up doing each other. While this was happening, the female pastry says to the male "make sure you pull out in time". He replie...

Couples with Alzheimer’s are so kinky.

They almost always wake up in bed with someone whose name they can’t remember.

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An angry man walked into a Taverna one evening, and yelled "I hate the Greeks!"

He looked around, at the light blue wall paper, with the white Grecian key pattern going around the top. He stared into the eyes of the bar tender, a strapping young lad with an olive complexion, rich black hair, a glorious unibrow, and piercing green eyes.

"Are you a Greek?" he asked, menaci...

What's a kinky Native Americans favorite drink?

Tea pee

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Kinky Sex

A man at a bar sees a stunning brunette and asks if he can buy her a drink.
She replies "Look buddy, i know what you're trying to do here and let me just tell you that I scare a lot of men because i'm so kinky."
He says "I'm pretty kinky myself, perhaps we could see if we're compatible."
Ov...

I'm dating this crazy, kinky Russian lady she's really...

medling with my erections

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Kinky Stuff...

So a guy walks into a bar with a really long face looking very dejected and sits at the bar and orders a drink. A while later a woman walks in also looking very down, sits a couple stools over from him and orders a drink.

Eventually they start chatting and she asks him,"Why the long face?"...

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Why does my kinky friend not care what objects his girlfriend puts in his butt?

Because peggers can't be choosers

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How much lube does the Hamburglar need to fuck his kinky girlfriend?

About a quart to pound her with cheese.

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A woman meets a man at a bar, and they talk, and conversation turns to sex, and she says that she likes kinky sex.[NSFW]

"Oh!, I like kinky sex too", says he. So they decide to go to her flat and have sex. They arrive at her flat and she asks to be excused. She goes to her room and dresses up in black leather, high heels, all the set. She chooses a whip, several accessories, and returns to the living room, where she f...

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Kinky sex.

What do you call kinky sex that involves chocolate?

S & M & M

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A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

'I vish to buy sex wit you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'

'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprin...

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A guy has a prostitute come to his apartment, and he's asking her if she'll do ‘kinky’…

“that depends” she says “..and it’ll cost you extra."

“sure” the guy says “what I want is for you to strip off, except your high-heels, go over to the wall, and then, facing the wall, do a head-stand yeah?, then I want you to slowly spread your legs as wide apart as you can.”

so she ag...

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My girlfriend just left me because I'm too kinky in the bedroom…

I nearly choked on her shit when she told me…

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Kinky old coupld (NSFW)

Grandpa and Grandma have been married for about 40 years.
Their sexual life is not what it used to be and Grandma wants to fix the situation.
While reading a magazine she comes across an advertising for flavored condoms.
She goes to her local pharmacy and buys a whole bunch of different fla...

What do you call a kinky secret society?

Illumi-naughty.

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A man recently separated with his wife is at the local bar drowning his sorrows when a gorgeous young woman walks in.

She makes her way over to the bar.

"What'll it be, miss?" The bartender asks.
"Tequila." Says the woman.

As the bartender pours her drink she notices the guy sitting at the other end of the bar. 'Handsome' she thinks to herself as she turns to the bartender laying out t...

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So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end.. (Nsfw)

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end. . . I slide on down over to her and we start talking.

After a while of chatting and a few rounds I said "Listen honey, I was wondering if after we finish these drinks, you'd like to come bac...

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Kinky

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots of Jack Daniels. He downs them 1, 2, 3 and asks for three more. Stunned at this, a women sitting at the opposite end of the bar comments 'woah, slow down there tiger.' The man looks at her, feels the alcohol taking instant effect and finds her strikingl...

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A kinky guy goes into a brothel...

Walks up to the front desk and explains that he's got particular tastes, but he's prepared to pay extra.

The madame reassures him that all their girls are very well trained, and directs him to a room where she promises he will find everything he needs. If not, let the girl know and she can se...

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A Jew goes into a brothel

— Hello, I’d like to hire the services of a woman called Alice

— What a coincidence, that’s my name. What do you want done?

— I… I want to be pegged

— Oh, how kinky. Why are you looking for this, my sweet mohel?

— Because I’ve always wanted someone named Alice to find out...

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The dress of love

A young woman is about to get married and wants to make her first night with her husband to be as special as possible. While she is wedding planning with her mother, aunt and grandma she decides to ask them what she should do during the wedding night to get her husband really going. Her mom goes fir...

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What is the difference between a Mother and a Mommy?

Calling someone a Mommy Fucker sounds a lot more kinky

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A man and a woman are sitting at the bar ...

A man and a woman are sitting at the bar one night, drinking their problems away.

After a time, the man decides to ask the woman, "What's the matter, you seem really down?" The woman responds, "Well, it's just that my husband left me."

The man looked surprised as the woman was ...

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.

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