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Squirting Jokes

Me: "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?"

Interviewer: "I meant any questions about the job"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) My wife keeps making jokes about squirting orgasms

At first I didn't get it, but then it hit me.

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

A man squirts his girlfriend with a squirting gun

A man squirts water on his girlfriend’s skirt with a squirting gun.

His girlfriend starts laughing hysterically, and the man asks why.

“Well you see, you finally got me wet!”

I walked into my sister squirting herself with a carrot...

I said "Damn, I was going to eat that but now it tastes like carrot."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a stripper who also works as a hooker who is known for squirting?

Krystal Geyser.

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Four men are stranded on a deserted island

After wandering for days, they finally come upon a small shack in the distance. Unsure of its safety, one friend volunteers to investigate while the other three stay behind.

Taking a deep breath, the bravest of the friends walks through the front door and finds a witch waiting for him.
...

A sensitive man...

Some construction workers are working on a high building early in the morning.

Sadly, Steve slips off a ledge, spirals down to the ground and is critically injured.

They attempt to save him with CPR, but there is a large hole in his skull that the blood keeps squirting out of, and he...

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

The grandkids stayed over.....

The grandkids stayed over one weekend, so I (grandad) make breakfast for them ,
sausage, bacon, eggs & toast, the two girls want ketchup on theirs, the boy wants bbq sauce, I say, " kids have ketchup on breakfast but us men have brown sauce, that's a mans sauce"
Later that day I get a call...

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Holy Shit!

The neighbors had been complaining that my dogs had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.

This evening I was getting the c...

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A woman finds out about her cheating husband......

....from her friends on a night out, so,
full of wine, bitterness and anger, her friends send her home in a taxi, she arrives home wanting revenge on this cheating shit,
grabbing a sharp knife from the kitchen, she heads for the bedroom,
there he is, fast asleep, she slowly pulls the cover...

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

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