This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop has released a candle that is supposed to smell like an orgasm

I just bought one, it was a bit of an anti-climax if you ask me

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

A lifeguard rescues a drowning man

Grateful, the man offers him an award. He reaches in a flask and pours out some goop.

"Thank you but what is this?"

"Your whale cum."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are invited to a costume party, where the theme is ‘Come as an emotional state’.

They arrive at the party and ring the bell. The host comes out and sees they are completely naked, one with his dick inside a hollowed out pear, and the other with his dick dipped into a bowl of yellow goop.

“Oh my god! What are you supposed to be?” she asks.

The first guy replies “Wel...

What do you call 10 smurfs in a blender?

Blue Man Goop

I was eating my food at a mexican restaurant...

I asked the waiter, "Yo, man what's up with this goop on the side?"

He responded, "Ahhh, you know we uh tried to make some beans, but... uhh, all I can say is at least refried, mang."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bull trick (a bit long)

An old cattle farmer is being helped by the local vet with his herd of cows and bulls. It is breading season and some of his older bulls are having a bit of a hard time performing. These are top of the line studs, but age is finally catching up with the bulls. The farmer laments to the vet "Well, I ...

A penguin is out driving in the desert when he hears a pop and his tire goes flat.

He manages to pull into a gas station to have the mechanic check it out. As he's waiting, he notices the convenience store is selling some ice cream, and he decides he could do with some good cold ice cream.

He goes in and buys his favorite flavor, vanilla, then goes out and sits on the curb ...

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