Someone said to me that my hair gel looked like snot:

I replied: "No! It's not!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning i sneezed all over my toast while eating it...

I can't believe it snot butter...

What's the difference between snot and broccoli?

Little kids won't eat broccoli.

My wife kissed me after eating a booger...

You might think it is funny, but it's snot.

I thought it was an oyster

But it's snot.

When the day is very sunny, And you’re out with your honey, And your nose is very runny, And you think it’s very funny,

Well, it’s snot.

From my 5 year old...

What is another name for a nose?

A double-barrel snot gun.

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Hamboogers

My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.

Government giving you a headache? Want to take care of that annoying snot?

Sudafed

People are so misunderstood about spider webs..

They think it’s like silk, but it snot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus & Moses in a boat

so jesus and moses were rowing a boat fishing for supper and after no action Jesus was getting bored and he was like 'hey moishe, moishe--check it out, you think i can still walk on water? you think i still have it? how much you wanna bet i can still walk on water?' Moses says 'i'll take any bet you...

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A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

Hey, What do you think about allergy season?

'Snot Cool

TIL the scientific name for mucus in your nose is nasal ejaculent

No it's snot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game

There was blood and snot everywhere, but at least my dad came

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

Drunk buddies

Two Irish buddies, Paddy and Eamon , were getting very drunk at a bar celebrating St. Patrick’s Day when suddenly Paddy throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Eamon says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that some...

Boy, do I hate nose jokes!

Good thing this is *snot* one

My family’s new truck

I remember once when I was a younger kid living with my parents, my dad gave me some money to go down to the grocery store to pay the electricity bill.

Thinking I was a super lucky kid & kind of smart, I decided to buy scratch-off tickets instead. Surprise, surprise - yeah, none of them w...

How do you make your anti-vaxxer enemy leave you alone forever?

Give them a handshake then show them a picture of snot on your hand

A man is reading his book at the bus stop when a teenage girl sits next to him and starts crying.

The man doesn't look up from his book, but he hears the girl. She sounds really upset and, through tears, she says, "37."

The man finds this odd, but he's very interested in his book, so he disregards it. But the girl keeps crying--tears streaming down her face--until she finally yells out un...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long, but worth the read. Wrote it myself.

In the darkest corner of my basement I sat alone. Eyes puffy from hours of crying and yet tears still streamed down my face. A lone snot bubble formed as I wiped my nose on my sleeve. I refused to use my hands. I looked down and in the pale moonlight streaming through the window I could tell the...

I thought I had something in my nose

But when I looked in the mirror there was snot

I sneezed and my kids laughed

I yelled "you think it's funny but it's snot".

How much does the average booger weigh?

Snot much.

My wife says she coughs up a bunch of phlegm every morning.

I told her that's snot, ladylike.

I feel like my nose is bleeding.

It's snot though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre. "What Evers the matter?" I asked him.

The old man wiped his eyes and gave out a whispering sniffle "you know son I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm 91 years old, I've traveled around the world, I'm a multi millionaire and ...

A little boy... Nfw'ish

So a little boy ran past a cop screaming bloody murder so the cop grabs him by the arm and settles him down.

Holding onto his shoulders he look in the boys tear stained eyes and asks

"son what happened?"

The boy snivels up a snot bubble and answers the cop

"Well officer ...

Is it hard to get a degree in hocking loogies?

Well, it's snot rocket science.

People think they're being polite when they sneeze into their sleeves, but really

it' snot

A bogey man who's a pretty good guy is...

Snot Bad.

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