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Snot Jokes

I knew a nun who used to wipe off snot with her sleeves

She had a nasty habit

What do you call a ghost's snot?

a BOOger.

What's the difference between snot and broccoli?

Little kids won't eat broccoli.

Did you hear about the man who blows his nose and interprets the snot as prophecies?

His name is Nostrildamus

Someone said to me that my hair gel looked like snot:

I replied: "No! It's not!"

I've been accused of lying about how much snot comes out of my nose when I sneeze.

They always say I'm blowing it out of proportion

My wife kissed me after eating a booger...

You might think it is funny, but it's snot.

People are so misunderstood about spider webs..

They think it’s like silk, but it snot

4 guys meet in hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.

Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:


-Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!


The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,


-Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game

There was blood and snot everywhere, but at least my dad came

Did you hear about that fight at the laundromat?

I recon a washing machine beat the snot out of a handkerchief.

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.

One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers:
“l don’t want to catch a cold like the red nosed guy who pops in here all the time and drips snot!”

Is it hard to get a degree in hocking loogies?

Well, it's snot rocket science.

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Hamboogers

My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.

Never kiss your hunny when her nose is runny

you may think it's funny but it's snot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning i sneezed all over my toast while eating it...

I can't believe it snot butter...

I thought it was an oyster

But it's snot.

My family’s new truck

I remember once when I was a younger kid living with my parents, my dad gave me some money to go down to the grocery store to pay the electricity bill.

Thinking I was a super lucky kid & kind of smart, I decided to buy scratch-off tickets instead. Surprise, surprise - yeah, none of them w...

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

A man is reading his book at the bus stop when a teenage girl sits next to him and starts crying.

The man doesn't look up from his book, but he hears the girl. She sounds really upset and, through tears, she says, "37."

The man finds this odd, but he's very interested in his book, so he disregards it. But the girl keeps crying--tears streaming down her face--until she finally yells out un...

Drunk buddies

Two Irish buddies, Paddy and Eamon , were getting very drunk at a bar celebrating St. Patrick’s Day when suddenly Paddy throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Eamon says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that some...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre. "What Evers the matter?" I asked him.

The old man wiped his eyes and gave out a whispering sniffle "you know son I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm 91 years old, I've traveled around the world, I'm a multi millionaire and ...

A little boy... Nfw'ish

So a little boy ran past a cop screaming bloody murder so the cop grabs him by the arm and settles him down.

Holding onto his shoulders he look in the boys tear stained eyes and asks

"son what happened?"

The boy snivels up a snot bubble and answers the cop

"Well officer ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus & Moses in a boat

so jesus and moses were rowing a boat fishing for supper and after no action Jesus was getting bored and he was like 'hey moishe, moishe--check it out, you think i can still walk on water? you think i still have it? how much you wanna bet i can still walk on water?' Moses says 'i'll take any bet you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Long, but worth the read. Wrote it myself.

In the darkest corner of my basement I sat alone. Eyes puffy from hours of crying and yet tears still streamed down my face. A lone snot bubble formed as I wiped my nose on my sleeve. I refused to use my hands. I looked down and in the pale moonlight streaming through the window I could tell the...

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