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A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

Why can cutlery teleport but not time travel?

It's silverwhere, not silverwhen.

Her: Remember that time in that one restaurant when the server wouldn't let you get new cutlery yourself?

Him: Yes it was un-fork gettable.

I started stealing cutlery from my cooking classes

It was a whisk I was willing to take

What do you call a musical concert that uses cutlery?

A forkestra

My mum just gave me control of the cutlery...

It's a huge respoonsibility.

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I can never go back

A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his
help to revive her man's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy.

"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coff...

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

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Two government officials go on a diplomatic tour.

One night, they are invited to a dinner with several other officials from different countries.
Having arrived at the dinner, the two officials see that the dinner tables are arranged with exquisite cutlery. They all sit down and start having dinner.
During dinner, official X sees official Y...

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A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

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Angela Merkel invites to dinnerparty after G20 summit.

So, true story that has been leaked here in Germany, after the last G20 summit in Hamburg, Merkel invited all the leaders to a dinner party:

Sitting at the table Trump and Putin took a seat next to her, left and right. She notices the federal republic did not spare expenses and served dishes ...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

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So a man is having some bedroom issues

A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor I need your help. When I making love to my wife, I also seem to cum before she does. Hell, I do it before I’m even ready.” The doctor consoles him that this is a perfectly normal issue. When pressed for a fix, he thinks for a few seconds and pul...

The best way to earn money!

A man named John goes abroad to meet his old friend Mark he had not seen in a while.

As he arrives at the airport, goes outside, there, Mark is waiting in his private limousine.

John is a little amazed, but not anything special. As they arrive, John is impressed to see a giant mansion!...

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I went to India recently

I went to India and you have to eat with one hand and wipe your bum with your other, and I always got quite nervous that I'd forget which hand was
which so I just used cutlery. But after a while it started to really hurt my bottom.

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Wife is tired of doing everything, husband says it'll be okay.

**Husband:** "Babe, did you say you were making dinner? or what? I can't remember"

**Wife:** *Sighs* "I just wish you'd take some initiative and cook your own dinner for once...I've been at work too you know. So, what, now I come home and get to cook dinner, pack the dishwasher and then unpac...

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