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Incantation Jokes

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Did you know there is a incantation that can turn a man into a animal?

It takes a very long time to say, and by the end you will be a little hoarse.

This book of incantations is useless.

The author failed to run a spell check.

A televangelist at a mega-church down south was on stage, collecting money from the faithful and promising them he could help anyone.

A young man left the audience and came up on the stage and asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing. The televangelist starting chanting and took the young man by his shoulders and shook him. Then he cupped his hands over the young man's ears and said some more incantations and finally shoute...

Professor Snape and Eearmus

There was once a terribly misbehaving student at Hogwarts. His name was Eearmus. He wouldn't finish his homework or practice any of his incantations. The teachers were getting really impatient with Eearmus.

One day, Eearmus was extra mischievous and decided to play a prank on professor Snape...

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that ...

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A newly made fairy godmother is walking through the forest...

when she hears the sound of crying. She follows the sound and discovers a yellow frog. "Why are you crying?" she asks the frog. "Look at me," he responds, "I'm yellow all over. The other frogs laugh at me and I just can't take it anymore."

"Well," says the fairy godmother, "I just happen...

My deity ignored my prayers today.

The sacrifice was a disaster. First, I didn't have the correct incantation, and then the goat knocked over the candles.

I guess two wrongs don't make a rite.

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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