I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

I knew a man whose work focused specifically on designing draw bridges...

of course, this was before his suspension.

Joe Biden was having his first briefing as president with the joint chiefs of staff. The topic was the an impending alien invasion, and more specifically an invasion by the aliens known as “the greys”

CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”

Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”

DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s...

Figured out my million dollar idea. It’s a shampoo specifically for men’s genitalia. (nsfw)

I’m calling it Head And Boulders!

I'm a very big Oasis fan, specifically Wonderwall. I sing it all the time. My girlfriend hates it though, so she asked me to stop singing it.

I said maybe.

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrol...

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A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

I have to have glasses just to see my family.

Specifically 2 glasses… of Scotch.

I heard that the new Mortal Kombat boasted Scandinavian music...

More specifically they plan to add a Finnish Hymn.

The only vacuum I use is the one made specifically for made for antivax parents...

Dyson

I have a bank account specifically for my marijuana purchases.

I call it my Joint bank account.

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Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

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A man goes to the doctors with a sore bum

He states he doesn't know what's causing the pain.

So the doctor begins to examine his rear and asks specifically where the pain is.

The man replies "At the entrance, that's where it's sore!"

The doctor replies "Well for as long as your refer to that as an 'entrance' there's goi...

I invited my family for dinner

They specifically requested a small portion of bull meat each, but I bought a huge slice of cow meat, and I cooked it medium rare

Guess I made a big miss steak

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

Did you hear about the software update Apple released specifically for pirates?

It was an iPatch.

I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich.

What the Hellman

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

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Farmer can't get his cows to mate.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

Heard of the nun that stole a fortune to fund her gambling habit?

The first clue probably should have been that she spent a fortune on a habit specifically for gambling.

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Apple is releasing a new Virtual-reality headset specifically for VR porn.

They are calling it:The iFap

My Dad told me specifically not to touch the keyboard...I pressed Ctrl-B

It was a bold move

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Ten Lines to Get You Out of Jury Duty

1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.

3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

4. I think laws are for sissies.

5. Would I have to bathe?

6. Can each of my personalities vote in t...

I have a litter of Pomeranian puppies specifically nurtured to look like a French loaf, 500$ per pupper

Please don’t ask me to go lower on the price, they are *pure bread*

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

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A man gets himself a date and decides to surprise the girl with some flowers.

He walks into a flower shop and the florist asks "Hey, what are you looking for, specifically?"

The man says "To have sex"

They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now

Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.

I'm so sorry.

Make a pair of scissors, specifically designed to cut paper, made out of sharpened stone.

Call them "Rock Paper Scissors."

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Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.

But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.

Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.

Playboy is starting a new magazine specifically for married men.

It has the same centerfold every month!

A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm..

...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.

What do you call it if a jackdaw catches Coronavirus?

Crowvid-19

Here's the thing. This joke depends on the idea that a "jackdaw is a crow."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "s...

The Grim Reaper Saves Lives!

Specifically, in his pocket.

My least favorite food?

Sausage, specifically from Germany.

They're the wurst.

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I'm hoping for a peaceful transition of power if Trump looses.

Just like Germany did in April 30, 1945.

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

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What has been in the news specifically because it comes in small boxes?

Jared's penis

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Most of life’s questions can be answered with “Depends”

Specifically for whoever smeared shit inside the capitol

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