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Relevant Jokes

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

Old Scottish joke I remembered that just became relevant again...

The head greenkeeper of St Andrews golf course was out inspecting the greens one morning when he spotted a golfer bending over the stream on the 18th, scooping up water with his hand and drinking it.

'Haw', he shouted, 'Ye shouldnae drink that watter, it's got coo's pish in it!'

The go...

We just discovered that the minister in our church never had any relevant training or experience - he's not even religious! In other words, he's an...

...impastor!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Soviet jokes get more relevant everyday.

A few years into Kruschev's reign an old man was in line at the meat market. He waited, and waited, and after 3 hours just couldn't take it anymore. He started yelling "Goddammit! I fought for Lenin in the civil war, I fought for Stalin in World War II! And we're still stuck in this bullshit!"
...

Soviet joke about russian army. Still relevant.

Give a private two metallic spheres. After a while one will be broken, one - lost.

A relevant anecdote from Brezhnev's time:

Napoleon is at the annual military parade in Moscow, alongside Brezhnev, engrossed in reading a newspaper. At his side, Marshal Ney blurts out to him, "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such guns, we would not lose Waterloo!" Napoleon keeps reading. Ney blurts out again, "Your Majesty, look! If on...

Who was the most relevant member of the Jackson 5?

Germane.

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

Relevant 4/20 joke

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another...

Most people like to make relevant points, but I for one

Is the basis of Roman numerals

Relevant advice.

Remember everyone, if you're attacked by a group of clowns. Go right for the juggler.

Joke making the email rounds - Relevant to the union discussions

A unionized public employee, a teabagger, and a CEO are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies on it. The CEO reaches across and takes 11 cookies, looks at the teabagger and says, 'Watch out for that union guy. He wants a piece of your cookie."

Source u...

recently re-relevant

So Monica Lewinsy rushes into the dry cleaner with a blue dress clutched in her hand. Recognizing the man behind the counter, she says "I need this dress cleaned right away." Realizing that he has been spoken to, but not certain what was said, the dry cleaner responds "Come again?"

No, say...

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I feel like Rudy Giuliani's press conference at a landscaping company between a dildo store and a crematorium is still relevant because...

Trump's effort to overturn the election is somewhere between fucked and dead.

What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions?

Donald Ducks


I'll show myself out

I started watching football (soccer) because I could see it’s very relevant to my life...

Little to no goals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this was relevant considering my username... Pretty funny joke :)

Guy walks in a bar, sits and gets a beer. He sees a jar filled with 5$ behind the bar. The barman explains the client needs to put 5$ in the jar to know what it's about. The client pays up, the bartender explains the client will get all the money if he can do 3 things successfully. 1-Drink a shot of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

For school, I had to write a report about how the human eye works

So I asked my dad if he knew any facts about the human eye. After a moment of thought, he responded:

"The human auditory range is 20 to 20,000 Hz".

Confused, I asked: "What does that have to do with the eye, dad?"

"Nothing," he replied. "It's ear-relevant."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good News/ Bad News

A man walks into his doctor's office. The doc says "Have a seat." The man sits down and the doctor says " Well, I have good news and bad news. Which one would you like first?"
The man thinks for a second and says "I guess ill take the bad news first. Let's just get it over with."
The doctor re...

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."

"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.

"Oh ...

What does a prudent Ukrainean learn?

It depends.

An optimistic Ukrainian learns English.

A pessimistic one learns Russian.

A realistic one learns how to shoot a rifle.

 

It's an old Romanian joke, from the '90s, it suddenly became relevant for our neighbours.

So I was rewatching old seasons of spongebob and found this joke

Spongebob: *changes his shape to look like Texas*

Also Spongebob: “hey Patrick what do I look like”

Patrick: “stupid”

Spongebob: “no I’m Texas”

Patrick: “what’s the difference”

*both laugh*
(I thought this might be relevant considering the mess in Texas right no...

A man walks into a car dealership

A Russian man walks into a car dealership to buy a new car. The salesman says, "I am sorry sir, due to the war and sanctions, all cars are spoken for. I have a waiting list, but it is so long that it will take 10 years to get your new car."

The man says, "Well, I might as well get on the li...

If a tree falls in the forest

but there's not a woman around to hear it, is the event even relevant? Of course not! Nevertheless, a Chihuahua 500 miles away will start barking.

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two things that you can see in the photo op at St John's church?

One is a glorified tool that is no longer relevant, but still widely used by radical christians to persecute homosexuals, degrade women, prohibit freedom, and rationalize war on non-believers.

The other is the bible.

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