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Ethnic Jokes

Which ethnic group do you never see holding a housewarming party?

Eskimos.

What ethnicity is Santa?

North Poleish

Thinking about starting a cooking website for chefs of all cuisines and ethnic tastes to show their skills.

Going to call it OnlyPans.

What ethnic group eats the most milk products per capita?

The Kurds

What’s a vampire’s favorite ethnic food?

Maxi Pad Thai.

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The Most Ethnically-Diverse Joke Ever Told

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Apache, an Argentinean, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a ...

Which ethnicity can never win or lose?

Thai

Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.

But Polly wanted a cracker.

An old [insert race/ethnicity] man is laying on his deathbed, surrounded by his family ...

He says, "Gather everybody around, I have some last words!"

"OK papa, everybody's here!"

"Are all my brothers and my sisters here?"

"Yes papa, they're all here!"

"And my children?"

"Yes papa."

"And my grandchildren?"

"Yes papa, **everybody's here!**"<...

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The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

I asked my friend if he could tell me what ethnicity Napoleon was.

He said course I can.

What ethnicity are the Mucinex mascots?

Phlegmish.

Putin goes undercover as a drill sergeant. Talking to a new recruit, he asks

- Where are you from, private?
- Sir, St. Petersburg
- Oh, I'm from there too. Who's your father?
- Sir, my father is President Vladimir Putin.
- That is impossible, how can that be?
- Sir, people always say that President Putin is father of our country.

Surprised but pleased, ...

What do you call an underwater town made up of multi-ethnic scuba instructors?

diversity

Ethnic jokes are funny, but

someone always gets offended. So I'm going to make up an ethnicity, let's call it Cleavens. There no one is a Cleaven so they can't get offended.

Okay, so two black cleavens walk into a bar...

How many members of a particular ethnic minority does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Enough to reinforce my negative stereotype about them.

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

What do you call a frog from mixed ethnicity?

A Tad-polish

(Don't know if repost not trying to be)

What ethnicity is a nervous snake?

Hiss-panic.

The Generic Ethnic Joke

A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes ...

Different ethnic groups in the USSR have a meeting.

Each group has a representative, who must talk about what it is like living in the soviet union (and praise lenin and communism along the way if they don't want to get killed).

The Chukchi people live in Siberia, and haven't had it so great under soviet rule. Their representative begins to sp...

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In the Catholic Church, Priests of any race, color or ethnic origin are disallowed from sexual intercourse

Celibate Diversity

How does every ethnic joke start?

By looking over your shoulder

I offended a girl at Ethnicity Club.

Apparently she didn't like my tone.

What ethnicity are you when you're making your way to the bathroom?

Rushin'

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Three stereotypical ethnically diverse explorers are captured by cannibals..

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are out exploring the rainforest but are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them their fate which is to eventually be killed, eaten and their skins turned into canoes. The cannibals, not wishing to appear uncivilised in all this offer each of their captive...

A new discovery is made pertaining to the ethnicity of Ancient Egyptian Kings

Archaeologists have discovered that the kings of Ancient Egypt were in fact black. Upon unwrapping the gold sarcophagus they found the body of a dark chocolate skinned man. The legendary Pharaoh Rocher.

What do conservatives hate about mixed ethnicity math classes?

There's too much integration

Three people of distinctly different national and/or ethnic origins walk into a bar.

The first one says something normal and expected.

The second one says something equally typical of what a person in their position might say.

The third one insults all of their countrymen and/or other group to which they belong by making a remark or behavior that is both stereotypical ...

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An ethnically diverse group of people are doing something…

An African-American, a Mexican-American, Jewish-American, and a white man are walking along the beach in Florida. One of them stumbles over a lamp and as he picks it up, a genie appears. The genie thanks them from freeing him from the lamp and offers them each a wish. The African-American says, "My ...

Ethnic jokes are unacceptable. They are offensive, and hurtful to those on the receiving end. I see that so much in the Midwest with jokes portraying Norwegians and Swedish people as less than intelligent. It has to stop!

Let’s edit all ethnic jokes to those who are not easily offended, like, for example, the Hittites. The Hittites are extinct, there are no more Hittites in existence, so can we just make all ethnic jokes about them?

For example, there were two Hittites, let’s name them, I don’t know, how...

Someone from an island in the Mediterranean asked me if I could guess their ethnicity...

...I said Corsican

Three village women are walking home from a trip to town...

(Full disclosure: I modified this joke from one in *The Pretty Good Joke Book*)

(Disclaimer: You can assign any nationality or ethnicity you like to these women. To avoid controversy, I'm calling them "Poltroonian")

So these three Poltroonian village women are walking back to their vi...

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A goth, a weeb and a brony walks into a bar

Bartender said well well well! We don't see you people often in here. So how about this, I'ma make you an offer. Each one of you say the most embarrassing thing you have done, and the person with the most cringe-worthy story gets a drink for free.

The Goth said, well I cut my ex's name in my ...

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Since it is ethnic joke day and all here's a Greek one.

Little Jim comes home from Sunday school.

Mom: What did they teach you today, honey?

Jim: Today they taught us about Moses. God sent him on a secret mission to free the Hebrews from Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea Moses had his mechanics build a bridge so everyone could pass but wh...

How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.

Tongue anyone?

A man went to an ethnic restaurant for lunch and asked the waiter if there were any specials that day. The waiter beamed and said, we do have a marvelous tongue salad which our chef is very expert at preparing. The man said “I would never eat anything that came out of a cows mouth. I’d rather die.”<...

My wife and I are allowed to see other people but only if they're from another country

We're Ethnically Non Monogamous

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People often ask me what’s the difference between being a Jew and being Jewish. If you’re a Jew, you’re born into the ethnicity, and you probably practice the religion. If you’re just religious, you’re only kind of a Jew

You’re Jew*ish*.

Two men are playing chess in Australia

One guy asks "What's your ethnicity?"

As he knocks over the king, the other guy responds "Czech, mate"

There’s a peanut on an airplane

And he’s chatting it up with a flight attendant, this peanut’s name is Dillon. They’re having a very intimate conversation about where they’re from and where they are in life right now. Dillon is in the middle of explaining his ethnic background when the flight attendant interrupts him and says ‘No ...

What happens when you hire indigenous women to clean your house?

Ethnic cleansing

What do you call a rwandan putting on deoderant?

Ethnic cleansing

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What's Hitler's favorite spa treatment?

Ethnic cleansing

Why does the U.N. keep close tabs on laundromats?

They’re watching for ethnic cleansing.

What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?

Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.

And then the building exploded.

My favourite joke from my dad

A guy loves telling jokes about Scandinavians.

One day, his friend tells him, "You need to stop making jokes about Scandinavians. You're coming across as racist."

"Well, what kind of jokes should I tell instead?" asks the first guy.

"Tell jokes about generically ethnic people. T...

An old man told me about a brothel

I was sitting at a bar one evening and an old man walked in, sat down beside me and ordered a drink. After a few minutes he tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out the window to a building on top of a hill.  "That's a brothel. You can tell the ethnicity of the men going there based on where they a...

The votes are in, and California has legalized Marijuana.

however, one ethnic group that voted disproportionately against the proposition were Cambodian-Americans. When asked why, most said that they'd had bad prior experiences with Pot.

Ever heard of an Irish bath?

An Irish bath is when you stand at the sink and just wash your armpits. Some people call it a Gypsy bath, or an Italian shower. A French bath is when you just douse yourself in cologne.

Whatever you call it, it’s all just ethnic cleansing.

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The autonomous hungarian

Somewhere in Transylvania, Romania.

Hungarian ethnic Istvan marries a romanian woman. His dad gives him the last advices for the wedding night:

- ''Istvan, my son, when you get back home take her in your arms and carry her over the doorstep, so she'll see hungarians are strong. Then yo...

I Want To Open A Bath House Staffed Entirely By Minorites

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of ...

Why is Ahmed Mohammed not allowed on Reddit?

His inbox would probably blow up.

There was a contest on who had the most children...

Contestant #1 walked out on the stage with 12 children behind him. The audience clapped politely, and one of the judges commented "That's a lot of kids, but you can do better."

Contestant #2 walked out on the stage, bringing with him 24 children, all of different ages. The audience clapped mo...

joke my uncle told me as a kid

so 3 men go into a brothel what are their ethnic backgrounds the guy coming out........ finnish. the guy going in.......... russian. the guy currently in there........ himalayen

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20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

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Fancy dress party

A factory hired two new <insert ethnic minority here> employees.
At lunchtime the HR dept officer tells them about the factory annual fancy-dress party that just happens to be on Saturday night.
"now guys, this'll be a great way to bond with your new co-workers, we are having a costume...

Scientists develop the world's most intelligent supercomputer.

After years of hard work an army of scientists, programers and mathematicians have succeeded in developing the world's most intelligent supercomputer. This computer, with enough time can answer any question. The scientists go about asking it questions which significantly impact the world. Many quest...

I'm pretty much guaranteed to get to heaven.

I was baptized regular, mormons made me baptize again, birth family said baby me was baptized catholic and I am ethnically Jewish.

I got 4 lottery tickets. Whoot! Come on lady luck.

An American couple visits India for the first time

As they are wandering around in the markets the wife notices a sign that she finds extremely aesthetic. She proceeds to draw it out and once they return to the US, She knits a sweater with that design on the front.

The days go by and all her friends find the sweater very pretty and very ethni...

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An art student is visiting the National Gallery in Wales.

About halfway around, they spot a large painting of three black men sitting on a bench, all three buck naked. Even more strangely, the one in the middle has an entirely pink penis.

A curator sees the art student observing the painting and approaches.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” He says. ...

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A man in the desert finds an old oil lamp...

... he rubs the lamp (as is traditional), and surprise! Out pops a genie.

"The contract is made, for freeing me from the lamp I shall grant you THREE WISHES!"

Sweet! Thinks the man I'm gonna make the best of this! And he whispers something in the genie's ear.

"IT SHALL BE DONE!...

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A woman hasnt had sex in a long time (LONG)

A woman, named Ethel and in her 30's, is out with her girlfriends at a bar. Eventually, talk turns to sex and there are some laughs and sly whispers. Except Ethel starts silently crying.

Her girlfriends ask what is wrong.

"I haven't had sex in more than three years!", Ethel sobs.
...

I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa.

I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.

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An Armenian survived a plane crash in Africa

But it seemed that fate held a grudge against him: he was captured by cannibals and was taken to be served as dinner that same night. When fire got ready, the cannibals brought the poor Armenian to the public eating place, feet and hands tied to the big single barbeque rod, ready to be roasted for g...

What's the difference...

between a (nationality, ethnicity, etc you want to make fun of) man and a large pizza?

~A large pizza can feed a family of four.

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The Smiths move to a small town called Kwisition...

They're a white family, and all of their neighbors belong to various ethnic backgrounds. African-Americans (the Jacksons), Arabs (the Husseins), Italians (the Capitanis), Japanese (the Takedas), Spanish (the Garcias), Brazilian (the Silveiras), and many others.

The closest neighbors to the Sm...

One engine on a plane is failing...

So the pilot comes over the speaker and says 'Unfortunately the plane won't be able to handle all of the passengers without crashing. We will have to start removing passengers from the plane giving them parachutes and pushing them out until we reach our ideal flying weight. We will choose people alp...

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An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

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Desert Deployment Story [OC] [Long]

When I was deployed to middle east there were these Asian or Arabic guys who made food and cleaned out the port-a-johns and things like that. (I can’t tell what ethnicity they were because I’m from the Midwest and I don’t meet anyone who isn’t white or Latin-American or Vietnamese.)

Anyway o...

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A business man gets on an airplane...

As luck would have it, he sits down next to this gorgeous blonde bombshell. As the plane is taxiing, he looks over and notices her reading a book.

The plane takes off and gets to cruising altitude, and the business man looks over and says, “My! That must be an interesting book. You haven’t t...

In school the teacher asks Joshua what he did during the break.

Joshua answers "I was playing with Thomas in the sand box". The teacher replies "Then come to the front, write sand on the blackboard and if you write it correctly you can go home."
After that the teacher asks Thomas what he did during the break and Thomas replies "I was in the sand box playing ...

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