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Snorted Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

How much cocaine has charley sheen snorted?

Enough to kill two and a half men

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a crowded train, travelling somewhere in Europe.

A U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed, and said t...

I was doing drugs with my friends and we ran out of coke, so we snorted some estrogen.

Now my nose bleeds once a month.

Girlfriend broke up with me because I snorted a condom.

She said I rubber the wrong way.

I opened a pack of cereal and snorted it

I got high on Life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.


"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."


"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

Did you hear about the guys who snorted curry powder instead of cocaine?

One of them now has a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.

A woman was accused of snorting a family members ashes.

She snorted half a gran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four women were chatting in the locker room (nsfw)

When one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation: jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so on... there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Stop

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how...

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. The first bull growled, "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows!" The second bull snorted, "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows!"

The third grunted in agreement, "I've only been here a year and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows!"

Just then, an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,70...

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

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