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How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

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Loud Snoring At Camp

Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Luigi because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Luigi and comes to breakfast the...

Evidently, I snore loudly

It scares everyone in the car I'm driving

What do a clown and someone who snores have in common?

Honk Shoe.... Honk Shoe..... Honk Shoe....

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow. “What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep. “Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.
“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.
“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.
He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.”

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Why do men snore when they sleep on their back?

Because their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock.

Two women discuss their husband's...

"My Herbert snores so loud I just can't sleep. I don't know what to do.."
Her friend says, "well I don't know if helps but when our dog snores we tie some laurel around his tail"

It's morning, Herbert wakes up, completely hang over, looks down, sees the laurel wreath down there, calls his ...

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

When it rains it pours...

When it snows ted snores.

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A woman couldn't stand her snoring dog...

so one day she went to the vet to ask what she could do to stop the snoring. The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around his balls, and he will stop snoring. He hands her a red ribbon, and she takes the advice. While the dog is sleeping, she ties the ribbon around his balls. Immediately the dog s...

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At some point in life being good in bed means..

You dont snore, you dont steal the covers and you let your partner sleep in.

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Do you know, what does "to be good in bed" means?

Well, it depends.

Before the marriage: You have endurance, you know what to do and you can bring the most desirable pleasure.

After the marriage: You don't snore, you don't fart and you don't steal the whole blanket.

A very excited 5 year old shared this joke with me in class today

"Wha- what do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

a dinoSNORE !!!"


it made my day <3

What do you call a sleeping Dinosaur?

A dino-snore

By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded.

"Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "And he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loud that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "N...

What do you call a sleeping Tyrannosaurus Rex?

A DynaSnore!

A popsicle stick joke that cracked me up today.

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What is the difference between my wife and my vacuum?

The vacuum doesn't snore after sex.



April fools, I don't have a wife.

I'm great in bed

I barely move, and I don't snore either.

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

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My wife and I are really into S&M.

She snores, I masturbate.

My wife rolled a big fatty last night

Later she told me that I snore too loud when I am on my back.

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2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says

yep i heard it snore a couple of times.

Daddy brings his little son to bed

After a while, the mother carefully opens the door and asks quietly, "And has he already fallen asleep?" The little son answers: "Yes, and he snores!"

A guy walks into a doctors office and says

'You've gotta help me doc. I snore so loudly that I keep waking myself up, what can I do?'

'Oh that's easy' replies the doctor, 'just sleep in another room'


... Courtesy of my 6 year old.

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My wife tells all her friends that I'm good in bed....

...because I stay on my own side and I don't snore.

What sound does a T-Rex make when it’s sleeping?

A Dino-snore

My girlfriend said I should be louder in the bedroom.

But apparently she didn't give me permission to snore.

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A married couple enjoys S&M

One friend tells another, "My wife and I are into S&M now and the sex is better than it's ever been."

"Really," his long time friend asked. You're into that?”

"Yeah. She snores and I masturbate.”

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Fart your guts out

There was a husband and a wife. As they grew older, the husband would let out the nastiest farts in the world, and the wife grew sick of it. One Thanksgiving, she couldn't cook or even look at the food, because his farts were so terrible that she'd want to throw up.

She asked him, "How can y...

She can't sleep (really long)

credit: Bill Moen, an 80's San Francisco Bay Area radio personality. Stuck with me for decades, I can still hear his voice telling it:

A couple are in bed and in the middle of the night she wakes up and gets to thinking and now can't sleep. Her husband turns over and she figures he's awake to...

A tired businessman arrives to a hotel in the evening

'I need a room,' he says.

'I'm sorry, all our rooms are occupied,' says the receptionist.

'Dear God, I'm too tired to find another hotel... do you not have a free bed, at least?'

'As a matter of fact, we do. We had to give a double room to a gentleman earlier this week for a few...

A preacher and a NYC taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates...

Saint Peter takes the NY taxi driver first. Giving him a golden cloak, a mahogany staff, and lead him to the nicest part of Heaven. The preacher smirked to himself thinking he was in for an even better afterlife, for after all, the other guy was just a taxi driver. When Saint Peter handed him a silv...

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