Snore Jokes - 37 Hilarious Snore Jokes

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A woman couldn't stand her snoring dog...

so one day she went to the vet to ask what she could do to stop the snoring. The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around his balls, and he will stop snoring. He hands her a red ribbon, and she takes the advice. While the dog is sleeping, she ties the ribbon around his balls. Immediately the dog s...

Apparently I snore so loudly that

I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.

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Snoring like a bear

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess a...

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How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you t...

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

what brand soup makes you snore when you sleep?

Its knorr

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Why do old men snore when they sleep?

Because their testicles block their butthole, which restricts the airflow to the body.

I was told that this was a favorite joke of my great grandma. Figured I'd share

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Why do men snore when they sleep on their back?

Because their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock.

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow. “What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep. “Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.
“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.
“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.
He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.”

Laugh and the world laughs with you,

snore and you sleep alone. [from personal experience.]

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Once upon a time there was a farmers wife with a problem

And that problem was her dog Jingles.

Every night Jingles would snore so loudly that she was unable to get a wink of sleep. In exasperation, she went to the vet who advised her "What you need to do here is go to your sewing kit and get a piece of ribbon. Tie that around his balls and he'll st...

A couple is waiting in line with other guests to register at a busy hotel, and eventually are told that the only available room has twin beds.

The husband looks disappointed and says, "We've been sharing a bed for 44 years. I don't know about that."

The wife says, "Can we at least put the beds close together?"

The other guests in line smile, and one even quips, "How sweet!"

The wife then explains, "It's just that if...

I proved my wife wrong!

So, my wife said yesterday that I have started snoring, and its loud! I didn’t believe it. So, today, I am up all night to see if I actually snore. But nothing so far..
Proved her wrong!

A very excited 5 year old shared this joke with me in class today

"Wha- what do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

a dinoSNORE !!!"

it made my day <3

What would you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore

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At some point in life being good in bed means..

You dont snore, you dont steal the covers and you let your partner sleep in.

Two women discuss their husband's...

"My Herbert snores so loud I just can't sleep. I don't know what to do.."
Her friend says, "well I don't know if helps but when our dog snores we tie some laurel around his tail"

It's morning, Herbert wakes up, completely hang over, looks down, sees the laurel wreath down there, calls his ...

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Do you know, what does "to be good in bed" means?

Well, it depends.

Before the marriage: You have endurance, you know what to do and you can bring the most desirable pleasure.

After the marriage: You don't snore, you don't fart and you don't steal the whole blanket.

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What is the difference between my wife and my vacuum?

The vacuum doesn't snore after sex.

April fools, I don't have a wife.

What do you call a sleeping Tyrannosaurus Rex?

A DynaSnore!

A popsicle stick joke that cracked me up today.

My wife rolled a big fatty last night

Later she told me that I snore too loud when I am on my back.

I'm great in bed

I barely move, and I don't snore either.

A guy walks into a doctors office and says

'You've gotta help me doc. I snore so loudly that I keep waking myself up, what can I do?'

'Oh that's easy' replies the doctor, 'just sleep in another room'

... Courtesy of my 6 year old.

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2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says

yep i heard it snore a couple of times.

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

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My wife tells all her friends that I'm good in bed....

...because I stay on my own side and I don't snore.

What sound does a T-Rex make when it’s sleeping?

A Dino-snore

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My wife and I are really into S&M.

She snores, I masturbate.

Daddy brings his little son to bed

After a while, the mother carefully opens the door and asks quietly, "And has he already fallen asleep?" The little son answers: "Yes, and he snores!"

A tired businessman arrives to a hotel in the evening

'I need a room,' he says.

'I'm sorry, all our rooms are occupied,' says the receptionist.

'Dear God, I'm too tired to find another hotel... do you not have a free bed, at least?'

'As a matter of fact, we do. We had to give a double room to a gentleman earlier this week for a few...

My girlfriend said I should be louder in the bedroom.

But apparently she didn't give me permission to snore.

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A farmer hears a knock on his door one night...

and he is surprised to see a Jew, a Muslim, and a Jehovah's Witness together on his doorstep. The farmer greets them and is wondering why such an unlikely trio of people are walking together at this time of night.

"Our cars got caught in the snow in the highway, and we can't get a signal out ...

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A married couple enjoys S&M

One friend tells another, "My wife and I are into S&M now and the sex is better than it's ever been."

"Really," his long time friend asked. You're into that?”

"Yeah. She snores and I masturbate.”

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Fart your guts out

There was a husband and a wife. As they grew older, the husband would let out the nastiest farts in the world, and the wife grew sick of it. One Thanksgiving, she couldn't cook or even look at the food, because his farts were so terrible that she'd want to throw up.

She asked him, "How can y...

A preacher and a NYC taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates...

Saint Peter takes the NY taxi driver first. Giving him a golden cloak, a mahogany staff, and lead him to the nicest part of Heaven. The preacher smirked to himself thinking he was in for an even better afterlife, for after all, the other guy was just a taxi driver. When Saint Peter handed him a silv...

She can't sleep (really long)

credit: Bill Moen, an 80's San Francisco Bay Area radio personality. Stuck with me for decades, I can still hear his voice telling it:

A couple are in bed and in the middle of the night she wakes up and gets to thinking and now can't sleep. Her husband turns over and she figures he's awake to...

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