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Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

My blind friend did LSD for the first time...

There was a lot more tripping than usual.

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

What do you get when you give LSD into the public tap water supply?

A hallucy nation.

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My mum got drunk and told me I was conceived while camping and tripping on LSD

She told me it was fucking in tents

It's been scientifically proven that John Lennon did some much LSD in the 60s.....

That he fell in love with Yoko Ono.

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I didn't understand why the doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation....

...until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

What do you get when you mix LSD with Plan B?

A trip without the kids

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I was given MDMA and LSD tonight...

What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble.

Three guys are sitting in a jail cell...

One guy is on PCP, one guy is on LSD, and the third guy is just baked out of his mind on weed.

The guy on PCP says “I have an idea on how to escape! I can bend these bars open with my hands”

“Yeah!” Says the guy in LSD... and when we get to the wall, I can shoot laser beams out of my e...

Got called in for a drug test at work...

They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

Me: Grandma are you on LSD?!

Grandma: Forget the Drugs! Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

A young boy died today from falling off a rooftop after doing LSD...

His parents said he had a bad trip.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

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Years ago, I took some LSD and tried to have sex with my girlfriend, but couldn’t.

I still have flaccid flashbacks.

I took LSD then put my glasses on

It was LHD

Today I met an incontinent hippie on LSD.

He had a bad drip.

What did one Password say to the other password during an LSD trip?

“We are all made of stars!!”

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A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you ...

If you neutralize LSD

Can you still call it acid?

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?

He felt it was a tripping hazard.

Not properly prescripted

- Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "LSD" engraved on 'em.

- F*ck them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

If I were to drop LSD at a dubstep concert....

Would the acid neutralize the bass?

My dealer dropped a box of LSD in the stairwell of my apartment.

I immediately informed my neighbors of the tripping hazard.

Three dealers get arrested and sent to jail ...

One of them sells cocaine, an other one sells acid and the last one sells weed.

Once they're alone, the coke dealer says "Ok, I've got a plan. I managed to keep a little bit of coke with me, so we're gonna snort a little line and then we'll be strong enough to break the wall and run away from...

Why did the man on LSD cross the road?

Because he thought he was a chicken

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.

On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.

I sat with my friend in his house and we had both taken some LSD.

As it started to kick in I said, 'Wow, I never thought you actually saw elephants on this stuff.'

He said, 'Shut up and keep watching my wedding video.'

Just had an email from Trip Advisor.

They recommend LSD.

What happened when the car took LSD?

It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!

A boy has reportedly fallen off a building whilst on LSD

People say he "had a bad trip"

What's the difference between LSD, and the church of LDS?

One to take with a sugar cube, the other you take with a grain of salt.

One time i got really scared because i had been tripping on LSD for 20 days...

Then i looked at my calendar and realized it had only been for 1 hour.

Did you hear about the scientist who got over his LSD addiction?

Unfortunately, he's now totally addicted to base.

I thought I'd lost my LSD at my Grans house.

I went around and asked her if she'd found a small see through bag when tidying up.

She told me she didn't have time to tidy up.

Not while she has to worry about that dragon guarding the fridge.

All these guys who claim they were abducted by aliens and anally probed...

Are we sure they didn’t take a hit of lsd before their colonoscopy?

A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD...

I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them

Researchers found that students of a teacher who regularly took LSD lived extraordinarily long lives.

It seems his pupils die late.

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!"

Ok, LSD it is!

A priest, a traktor tire and a cheese grater walk into a bar.

The bartender gives them the rest of his LSD, tells his boss he ain't feeling right and goes home.

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

Jesus sees that planet earth is going to Hell in a hand basket because too many people are using something called drugs...

He wishes to know about this, so he calls His Apostles and tells them that they all have to go down to Earth to see for themselves what is going on and then come back to Heaven and report back to Him.

The Apostles go to different places on Earth and after some time, they come back to report w...

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
...

I caught my chin shaving in the mirror.

That's when I knew the LSD had kicked in.

11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...

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A man dies and goes to hell

and this demon starts showing him around; you know, the pool, the hotel, whatever. They get to talking, and the demon asks:

Hey, do you like to drink?
The guy answers "Ya, I love drinking"

The demon replies: You're going to love mondays. On monday, we drink from morning to night. We...

A female drifter

I'm a drifter, a woman, and you don't find that much, especially in England. I run a scam pretending to be a nanny. Too recently, I had to eliminate some competition for the job. I got in, and got in real good with the parents. Scared the kids. I gave them LSD and forced them to consort with a schiz...

I caught my friend licking my tv today.

So much for the high def LSD screen.

Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my LSD mixed up with LDS, and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

Psychedelic Playthings...

So I should probably stop covering my child's toys in LSD and leaving them out...

... I've heard they can be a trip hazard.

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