Lsd Jokes - 60 Hilarious Lsd Jokes

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Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.

I think it’s because the bass neutralizes the acid

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Doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation

Thought it was a strange until on the way home i saw a dragon and shit myself

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I was given MDMA and LSD tonight...

What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without the kids

I watched a documentary on LSD the other day.

I think all documentaries should be watched that way.

Why is it a bad idea to dip your shoes in LSD?

You might trip

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.

On an unrelated note, my mum needs a new garden hose.

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

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A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you ...

What happened when the car took LSD?

It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!

My blind friend just tried LSD for the first time...

There was more tripping than usual.

I just picked up MDMA and LSD

Worst round of scrabble ever.

A man gets a call from his doctor after a drug test.

"You've tested positive for opiates." The doctor said.

The man quickly replied: "Oh I had a bagel with poppy seeds earlier."

"Yes well you also tested positive for cannabis, LSD, and cocaine."

"...It was an everything bagel."

Disappointed that the purchased LSD has no effect,

Ivan sat on his dragon and flew away.

In 1970, Doc Ellis pitched a no hitter on LSD

Which isnt that impressive when you realize the fact that in 1970, all the batters were on LSD as well

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

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I asked my grandma if she’s seen my pill bottle with the text “LSD” on it..

She replied: “Fuck the bottle, look at this dragon here in our kitchen!”

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Elton John did so much LSD at a party one night, he tried to have sex with a woman...

Dude was straight trippin'

Why did the man on LSD cross the road?

Because he thought he was a chicken

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

So I went to do my driving test high on lsd

I passed with flying colors!

What do you call a 10-strip of LSD with an attitude problem?

A mean-o acid.

I took LSD then put my glasses on

It was LHD

It's been scientifically proven that John Lennon did some much LSD in the 60s.....

That he fell in love with Yoko Ono.

What do you call LSD covered in curry powder?

Tandoori trippin'

What’s the name of that guy I get my LSD from again?

I swear, it was on the tip on my tongue!

I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday?

She said, she wanted unicorns,fairies and rainbows.

LSD it is then.

A new study has shown banana skins contain traces of LSD...

I guess that explains why people are always tripping on them

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

What's the difference between LSD, and the church of LDS?

One to take with a sugar cube, the other you take with a grain of salt.

What did one Password say to the other password during an LSD trip?

“We are all made of stars!!”

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Years ago, I took some LSD and tried to have sex with my girlfriend, but couldn’t.

I still have flaccid flashbacks.

A young boy died today from falling off a rooftop after doing LSD...

His parents said he had a bad trip.

A boy has reportedly fallen off a building whilst on LSD

People say he "had a bad trip"

I thought I'd lost my LSD at my Grans house.

I went around and asked her if she'd found a small see through bag when tidying up.

She told me she didn't have time to tidy up.

Not while she has to worry about that dragon guarding the fridge.

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?

He felt it was a tripping hazard.

One time i got really scared because i had been tripping on LSD for 20 days...

Then i looked at my calendar and realized it had only been for 1 hour.

Researchers found that students of a teacher who regularly took LSD lived extraordinarily long lives.

It seems his pupils die late.

I love my pet unicorn

He comes to support me whenever I regret taking my LSD.

Just had an email from Trip Advisor.

They recommend LSD.

I caught my chin shaving in the mirror.

That's when I knew the LSD had kicked in.

Three dealers get arrested and sent to jail ...

One of them sells cocaine, an other one sells acid and the last one sells weed.

Once they're alone, the coke dealer says "Ok, I've got a plan. I managed to keep a little bit of coke with me, so we're gonna snort a little line and then we'll be strong enough to break the wall and run away from...

the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?
...

I sat with my friend in his house and we had both taken some LSD.

As it started to kick in I said, 'Wow, I never thought you actually saw elephants on this stuff.'

He said, 'Shut up and keep watching my wedding video.'

A horse walked into a bar.

The bartender looked at the horse and said: "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

Later, a bear walked into the bar and said: "I'll have a ... beer." The bartender looked at the bear and asked: "Why the big pause?"

Soon, three anteaters came in and requested a bowl of ants to share. The bart...

Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my LSD mixed up with LDS, and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

A man is losing his mind and his hair…

When he looks at himself in the mirror, the man is upset to see his once flowing locks are now but a thinning patch. His adoring wife is slowly losing interest as her once Fabio-looking groom is aging quickly.

Determined to regain his confidence and looks, the man tries everything. First he r...

Not properly prescripted

- Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "LSD" engraved on 'em.

- F*ck them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!

I caught my friend licking my tv today.

So much for the high def LSD screen.

Jesus sees that planet earth is going to Hell in a hand basket because too many people are using something called drugs...

He wishes to know about this, so he calls His Apostles and tells them that they all have to go down to Earth to see for themselves what is going on and then come back to Heaven and report back to Him.

The Apostles go to different places on Earth and after some time, they come back to report w...

Psychedelic Playthings...

So I should probably stop covering my child's toys in LSD and leaving them out...

... I've heard they can be a trip hazard.

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A man dies and goes to hell

and this demon starts showing him around; you know, the pool, the hotel, whatever. They get to talking, and the demon asks:

Hey, do you like to drink?
The guy answers "Ya, I love drinking"

The demon replies: You're going to love mondays. On monday, we drink from morning to night. We...

A female drifter

I'm a drifter, a woman, and you don't find that much, especially in England. I run a scam pretending to be a nanny. Too recently, I had to eliminate some competition for the job. I got in, and got in real good with the parents. Scared the kids. I gave them LSD and forced them to consort with a schiz...

11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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