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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American wash up on an island inhabited by cannibals...

They are quickly captured and imprisoned. At dawn on the first day, the chief of the cannibals has the Englishman brought to him and says "We are going to cook you and eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin. But because I am a generous chief, you may choose how to die."

The Englishman say...

Mary had a little skirt, with slits right up the sides and every time she crossed her legs, the boys could see her thighs! Mary had another skirt, with a slit right up the front...

She never wore that one.

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What do you call the slit between Pamela Anderson's tits?

The silicone valley

Why was a physicist unable to do the double slit experiment?

His wife didn't want a threesome.

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The creation of a pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,

Using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,

With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and t...

Did you hear about that new threesome adult film starring a physicist?

It's called, "The Double-slit Experiment".

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

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My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

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Cannibals

There was an Italian, a Brit and an American who all got stuck on an island. When searching this island they ran into a local native population who happened to be cannibals. The cannibals captured them and said "here's how it goes. We're going to kill you, skin you and eat you. Then dry your hides a...

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An Israeli and his Czech friend were wandering through the forest when a bear reared up and ate the Czech guy.The Jewish guy ran to the nearest Ranger office,to report what happened. The ranger went off in his truck and returned shortly with two bears in cages in the back.

‘These are the only two bears in the vicinity can you identify which one ate your friend?’ The ranger asked
‘How could I recognize which bear is which?’ Said the fellow
‘Well,’ countered the Ranger’ One is a male bear and the other a female, maybe when the bear reared up to eat your friend you...

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[long] An Italian, an Englishman, and an American shipwreck on an island..

They wander for a bit until they find a tribe of ritualistic cannibals, who conveniently speak English. These cannibals explain that they are to kill them, eat them, and turn their skin into canoes. However, they're not TOTAL savages, so they will allow the 3 shipwrecked to choose their cause of dea...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Iowan are travelling down the Amazon River in a canoe...

They get abducted by Natives who tell them,

"We will use your skin to make conoes, you may kill yourself in any way you like."

The Frenchman asks for a knife and says, "Viva la France!" And he slits his throat and dies.

Next, they ask the Englishman how he would like to die. He ...

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

  

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

  

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

  

"You see, that ott...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian are hiking in the mountains

They find some hot springs and decide to take a bath. Some native tribals come along and say "you have trespassed our sacred lands. For this, you will be killed and your skin will be made into canoes. But, you each have one wish before you die." The Englishman asks for a knife and slits his throat. ...

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[NSFW] Three sailors are on shore leave...

... and after a night of drinking are pretty wound up.

However before long they get word of a prostitute that gives legendary blow jobs and will also sing.

It doesn’t take long for them to find her and through a slit in the door she tells them,

“Only one man at a time and it mus...

Yo moma is so stupid....

she could observe the particles in the double slit experiment and still get an interference pattern

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chieftain has them bound and brought to the village square, where he announces their fate. "For trespassing on our land," he says, "you will all be sentenced to death! You will be killed, skinned, eaten, and have your hides tann...

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Three guys crash-landed in an isolated part of tahiti

After recovering they start wandering about until they're caught by a few tribesmen and led to a cannibalistic tribe. Soon after, they meet the only person who speaks English, the leader, who says; "welcome, we are all cannibals in this tribe and we need your meat to survive, but we are not savages ...

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A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will ...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in the jungle.

Suddenly they're captured by cannibals, dragged off and tied to a tree. Shortly the Englishman is untied and brought before the chief of the cannibal tribe. The chief says "Okay, here's the deal: we're gonna kill you, we're gonna cook you, we're gonna eat you, and then we're gonna use your skin to m...

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Little Johnny sees Mom in the shower

Little Johnny sees Mom in the shower... he asks, "Mom, what's that slit between your legs?".

Feeling a little flustered, she replies "Oh, oh..uh, that's where your father accidentally hit me with an axe!"

"Good shot", says Johnny. "Right in the cunt".

Morgue Murderer Caught

The infamous Morgue Murderer was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.

It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.

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3 dogs meet at the vet...

There was 3 dogs at the vets and they got talking , one dog says to the other why are you here , he says ah I bark too much for my owner so she is going to put me to sleep and then says tell me why are you here and the second dog says , yeh pretty similar situation I chewed her red shoes so that's w...

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Where’s The Cheese

Paddy goes to the patent office, having invented a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. Below the drop is a piece of cheese.

Patent officer: “How does it work then?”

Paddy: “Quite straightforward. The mouse walks up the ramp. When he...

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A Brit, a Frenchman, and an American are shipwrecked at sea...

They wash up on an island where they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The Chief of the tribe says to the three men,"We are going to sacrifice all of you, eat you, and use your skins for a canoe. We will allow you each to choose how you die." The Brit asks for poison. The Chief hands him a cup a...

What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change?

The double slit experiment.

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Cow

Small poor family of four lived on the edge of forest.
Samll house, small garden, no work and only a cow that really supported the family.
One day father walks out the house and sees yard full of blood, intestines and a head on the porch.
- Oh my god, I can't support my family any more, ...

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The Miracle Machine

A guy is talking to a work buddy in the bar. The guy says, "man my wrist is killing me! I want to go to a doctor but im scared that the bill will be too high." The buddy says, "well you are in luck man! i heard from my wife that a new pharmacy just opened up and they have a machine that with just a ...

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An American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man are traveling in Africa when they are captured by a fierce tribe of headhunters.

The witch doctor says to them, "We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in knowing that we don't believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of you body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of you hair, we will render your bones for glue and we will tan you...

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3 explorers are ambushed by cannibals...

Fighting valiantly the explorers held their ground longer than expected. Unfortunately they were outnumbered by the cannibalistic tribesman 5 to 1. They were eventually forced to surrender.
Defeated, the explorers were bound together and gagged by the tribesman, who carried off the three men to ...

The family of a farmer and their cow

There once was a man who lived with his wife and three sons on a farm. They were poor and their whole wealth was a single prized cow. On one morning, the farmer went into to the barn and shockingly found his beloved cow dead on the ground. He couldn't bare telling his family about the loss so he gra...

One time Lenin's widow, Nadezhda Krupskaya, visits an elementary school.

The schoolchildren asked her to tell them a story Vladimir Lenin.

"Children, you should know about Lenin's great kindness." she says with eyes misty.
"I remember once he was shaving his beard outside of home, and a little child was passing by & asked him (What are you doing, Mr Lenin...

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You might have heard this one before, but an Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American....

Are captured by cannibals. They are brought before the leader who says,

"In honor of our Gods and the Great Festival of Watchachoochoo, we will witness your suicide tomorrow at noon. We will then make a canoe from your skin to float down the holy river towards the sun."

The next day ...

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A Joke about Cannibalism

Three men are stranded in the jungle: a French man, A Japanese man, and an American.
In the jungle, they are found and captured by a tribe of Cannibals.
They are taken to a tent in the village and left for many day, until they are skinny and weak. Finally, the chief of the cannibals comes to ...

I had a scary moment when.....

I had a scary moment when I was opening my new expensive furniture with a stanley knife. I damn near slit my shelf

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Camping with your friend

Two friends are camping and they're sitting around the fire when one gets up to take a leak. He starts screaming "A snake bit my dick! A snake bit my dick!" His friend calms him down and ensures that he'll call a doctor. Once he calls the doctor, he starts to relay the doctors instructions to his fr...

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A teacher takes her kindergarten class on a field trip the the ocean...

...while they're there she realizes that she forgot her swimsuit. She thinks so what, they're little kids they don't know about these kinds of things and she decides to swim naked. Suddenly little Johnny comes over and points between her legs and asks "teacher what is that slit you have there".
"...

What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

"Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"

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A Japanese man, a Frenchman and an American so on a vacation in Africa

Out of nowhere during a safari the 3 men are kidnapped by a tribe. The tribe explains to each man that although they must die they might take some comfort in knowing none of their body will be wasted. Hair will be made into baskets, bones used as weapons, and their skin will be stretched out to make...

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