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Butchers Jokes

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Woman walks into the Butchers and asks for meat

Woman walked into the butcher and gets some steak and dog scraps. This happens for a while and the butcher asks what sort of dog she has. She replied I don't have a dog. It's for my husband he thinks he's a dog and it's all he eats
The butcher tells her that's terrible and also very unhealthy to ...

A man walks into a butchers...

The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a g...

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The young assistant got fired from the butchers shop, I asked why.....

The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!”

“Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?”

“I fired her as well!” said the Butcher.

Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales

‘Sure’ replied the butcher ‘once upon a time an ox…’

Sorry messed up title should read ‘ox tails’ whoops

I went to the butcher's shop...

I went to the butcher's shop around the block from my house to get some ribeyes for the long weekend. I'm excited because I don't eat steak very often and these are dry aged to perfection, cut an inch and half thick and pretty much the best steaks you can get! I'm all set to leave, when I notice a ...

A guy with a gambling addiction walks into a butchers

He goes to the butcher - "I bet you $500 you can't get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder"

The butcher says "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high"

A widower goes to the butcher

shortly after the death of his wife. As soon as the butcher sees him he breaks down into tears.

"I have a confession to make!" The butcher says between sobs. "8 years ago I made a pass at your wife! I told her she could have all finest cuts of meat she'd like if she'd sleep with me. She turne...

Why do Christians hate butchers?

They don’t condone beating meat

What do butchers and men with Onlyfans accounts have in common?

They both get paid to beat their meat.

What do you call a group of butchers?

A meating.

Two Butchers were yelling at each other inside their store.

They have beef.

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At the Butchers

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asked the manager, "Where's John?"

The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found with his dick stuck in the bacon slicer while at work.

Then the man asked, "What happened with the...

I went in the butchers the other day.

I said: "You've got a sheep's head in the window."

The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

A Jamaican man was recently employed in a butchers...

...one of his jobs that night was to prepare bacon sandwiches for the next morning but he ended up wasted on a 6 pack of beer and when he sampled the bacon he found it to be too delicious and ended up scoffing the whole lot.

In the morning when the owner asked to try a sandwich, the guy panic...

Why aren't there any female butchers?

Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I go to the butchers the other day,

and I say to the butcher, "Hi there, I'm looking for Dan. He told me he works for you."
The butcher says, "Not any more he doesn't. I fired him yesterday."
"You fired him? What for?"
"I caught him round back with his dick in the bacon slicer."
"He had his *dick* inside the bacon slicer?"...

I was at the butchers the other day

And i thought while i'm there i'd have a gamble with the butcher. I bet him £10 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, he said "nah mate, i'm not taking that bet, the steaks are too high."

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

An African American woman named Bethany goes to the butchers to see if they have any beef.

"No, black Betty. Ham or lamb"

I made a butchers club

The only problem is we can't agree to a meating time.

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A Dog and a Butcher

A dog walks into a butchers shop and the butcher asks “What do you want”.

The dog points to some steak in a glass case and the butcher says “How many pounds”, the dog barks twice

“Anything else” asks the butcher.
The dog points at some pork chops and barks four times. The butcher ...

What was the butchers name who was also a knight?

Sir Loin.

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