UPJOKE
rodentpolecatratmammalgrassstriped skunkweaselhog-nosed skunksquirrelchipmunkweedpotdoperotterpuke

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?

They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."

So Out went out and immediately brought In in. <...

What would happen if skunks lost their smell?

They'd become ex-stinked.

Two skunks were talking after a hard day in the skunkworks.

The first said to his friend, “I’m thinking of getting my stink gland removed.”

His friend replied, “Hey, quit talking nonsense!”

Once apon a time, there was a family of skunks

(Good as a bedtime story for kids)

Once apon a time in a hole on the bank of a river near some woods, lived a family of skunks.

There was mummy skunk and her two babies. And the baby skunks were called In and Out.

One day Out said to Mummy skunk, "Mummy, can In and I go out int...

How do skunks know who to spray and who not to spray?

Instink

Why can't skunks keep secrets?

Because someone's always catching wind of them.

Why do skunks have a mercaptan-emitting gland at their rear?

That's where it makes sense.

There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.

In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.

One day In went out and Out went in.

Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.

"Go find your brother." she ordered.

Out came back with In in less than five minutes.

"How did you do it so fast?" Mama as...

Lawyers and dead skunks

What's the difference between a lawyer and a skunk lying dead in the road?

There are skidmarks leading up to the skunk.

Skunks

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
If skunks had a college
They'd call it P.U.

Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?

They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"

Three skunks are walking down a road...

And they come to a fork in the road. The first skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go to the left." The second skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go to the right." The third skunk says, "Well my end stinks too, but it doesn't talk to me."

Why do skunks celebrate valentines day?

Because they are very scentimental.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skunks are just mean cats with asshole powers.

Get it?

A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert

When they ran into a family of skunks. They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.

They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk. The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to t...

Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.

As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann.....

One day a mother skunk

Told her two baby skunks, In and Out, to go outside and play. The two baby skunks did so and where having a great time. The played tag, follow the leader, and tried catching bugs down by the river. Then Out had an idea.

"Let's play hide and seek," Out said. "I'll look for you first!"

O...

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

One day a family of squirrels and a family of skunks are crossing the road...

...a car drives by and hits them. The only survivors was a baby squirrel and skunk and from that day on they became the best of friends. Years later, they're walking through the woods together:

Squirrel: Hey, have you ever wondered what we were?

Skunk: Yes, I have.

Squirrel: Ho...

The Skunk and The Duck

A family of skunks and a family of ducks were crossing the street... Because of the traffic a baby skunk and the baby duck had to stay on the other side of the road as they watched their families walk away. The duck and the skunk started to get upset because they didn't know who they were or what th...

On a warm summer morning, a family of ducks and a family of skunks are crossing a country road when...

without warning, a car barrels over a hill and into the path of the animals wiping out both families except for one baby duckling and one baby skunkling. The pair hightail it off the road and find refuge in a hole in a tree. They decide to stick together and support each other in order to survive. T...

A family goes overseas on a camping holiday

The 2 kids become friendly with a wild skunk. Over the course of the holiday they build up the skunks trust and they are able to handle it, pet it, feed it and play with it. They love the skunk and the skunk loves them.

On the last day of the holiday, the family is packing up their camp site ...

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First time deer hunter

Two deer hunters went hunting one morning and it was the first hunt for one of them. The seasoned hunter told the newbie to set here at this tree and don't move no matter what happens or you will scare the deer away. Okay I won't move the newbie said. After several hours the seasoned hunter mad...

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)

Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.

One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and O...

So there's a family of rabbits on the side of the road...

Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Rabbit.
They're hopping across and BAM, a truck runs over Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.

Back on the other side, there's a family of skunks. Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Skunk.
They go waddling across the road and BAM, a truck runs offer Mommy and Daddy, but...

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The corn drenched in Butter

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.
Luckily, they found a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and somet...

Oooo, that smell (LONG)

A load of chickens in their pickup bed, Sven and Tina are enjoying a quiet ride to the market when Sven accidentally runs over a skunk.

"Oh Sven, you've gotta stop," Tina says. "That was a momma skunk, and her babies are crying by the roadside."

Sven mumbles under his breath, but smile...

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Olie & Lena are driving down the road in their Model T...

Suddenly, a mother skunk enters the roadway with her two young babies. Olie can’t stop in time and runs the mother over.

It winter time and Lena jumps out of the car to rescue the two orphans. She gets them back in and they’re shivering:

“Oh, Olie! They’re so cold! What should I do ...

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