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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

80% of people masturbate in the shower, the rest sings a very specific song. Do you know what song that is?

No? Then I know what you’re doing in the shower

What bird never sings the lyrics?

A hummingbird

When my wife sings...

Whenever my wife starts singing, i go outside so that my neighbors don't think that I'm hitting her.

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

Which computer sings the best?

A dell

What do you call a laptop that sings?

ADell

What do you call a pachyderm who sings jazz?

Ella Fantzgerald

Did you hear the one about the Irish boomerang ?

It doesn’t come back, it just sings about how much it wants to !

What do you call a bear that sings in choir!

A BEAR-itone!

Chess, the singing parrot

This guy goes into a pet shop looking for a bird. The shopkeeper brings him to a cage and tells him, “You won’t believe what this parrot Chess can do. He’s wonderfully talented, and his songs will blow your mind. Only $10,000.”

“That’s pretty steep,” he replies. “What’s so amazing about these...

What type of tree sings the best?

A karaoaky

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What could possibly wrong with Hitchhiking Nun

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes: "I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel".

And he sings this every five minutes.

At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the highway. Neil ha...

What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.


*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

I go around throwing a stone at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving. What is the name of this stone?

It's my Jingle Bell Rock.

A boy wakes up on his birthday and is excited for presents.

However he finds none anywhere and then his mother arrives. "Yo, yo yo, new bike, a lil video game and one toy soldier boy!" she sings "What? Where are my presents?" he demands. The mother says: "Your father told me I had to rap the presents."

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

What's big, gray, and sings jazz?

Elephantzgerald

What is green, and sings

Elvis Parsley

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