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Shields Jokes

You know I gotta say, I’m a big fan of shields.

They’re really something I can get behind.

A woman walks onto a bus

A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting n...

What to blm protestors and cod players have In common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

The Legend of Saint Andrew

While Jesus was on the cross, several of his disciples were in the crowd nearby. When Jesus spotted Andrew, he called out to him "Andrew! Andrew!" At this, Saint Andrew pushed his way through the crowd, "Yes Lord! What is it?". The Roman guards saw the commotion and roughly bashed Andrew back with t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and bill are looking over the star destroyer blueprints

"Hey bob, do we need any turrets on the bottom half of this Star Destroyer?"

"What d'you mean Bill?"

"The bottom half. It looks like we have about a dozen of these massive building-sized rotating double-barreled turrets on the top half, but pretty much nothing on the bottom half."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris is talking to his friend, upset about his title.

I’ve patched a thousand roofs, but do they call me Boris the Roof Patcher? No.


I’ve made an entire army’s worth of swords and shields, but do they call me Boris the Blacksmith? No.


But you fuck ONE goat...

Mass protests, the tension is mounting.

The cops are poising themselves, wacking their shields with their rubber sticks. The protesters are hurling rocks at the cops.

A cop says to his colleague: See that pudgy, well dressed old lady with the hat? That's my mother-in-law. Do not touch her. SHE'S MINE.

Chicken

BORROWED

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields....

A posh New Yorker...

A posh New Yorker decides to take her two young children on a European vacation. Upon landing in Berlin the trio check into the Ritz Carlton. Even though the Ritz has a fabulous, five star restaurant, the mother thinks they should indulge in the local gastronomy, and they lace their shoes back on an...

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

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