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Did you hear about the kid who bungie jumped from the school's flag pole?

He was suspended

I was in a relationship and i was too late to see the big red flags

she is a communist

I broke up with a girl because the red flag she had was just too big for me to ignore

She said she was practicing for Chinese flag bearing but my place is too small for that

Have you seen the new Russian battle flag?

It's a white Z on a white background.

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My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his Confederate flag.

I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed.

AlgaeBTQ

My girlfriend's red flags wouldn't have bothered me so much

....if they didn't have swastikas on them.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

Reviews are in for the Chinese flag…

Five stars!

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble

And he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab.

So he walked all the way to the airport ...

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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven (flagging it NSFW just in case)

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

Why should you not wave a red flag in front of a battery?

Because a battery charges

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his da...

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Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian

And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese

Did you hear about the NFL linebacker who was flagged for hitting the opposing quarterback with a salad?

15 yards for Unnecessary Roughage

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Reddit advice on relationships

Reddit advice on relationships no matter the question: “leave them, it’s a red flag!”. The Redditor then feels satisfied, having posted sound advice, and goes to sleep alone in their single-mom’s basement.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know but the flag is a big plus.

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A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a ...

how do we know communism was doomed from the beginning?

All the red flags

The flag on the moon.

The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "

I once took a test on waving signal flags.

They told me I passed with flying colors.

A Mexican man walks onto a field in America and places his flag into the ground.

The owner of the field then says "Hey, what are you doing? This is America, what is your Mexican flag doing here?"

The Mexican looks confused at the American before replying "I hear this free country, yes? I buy America."

Golf

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
...

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

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I was on a train the other day when two Swedish men sat down next to me

The two introduced themselves as Sven and Olf. Olf in particular was wearing a t-shirt with the USSR flag on and boasted a cap with a hammer and sickle on, so I assumed he was an avid communist. I asked them if either of them knew where I could get alcohol on the train, and Olf piped up:

"If ...

How many Russians does it take to drive a tank?

Two.

One to control the steering wheel, and one to go flag down the Ukrainian farmer to give them a lift.

You could say a lot of bad things about Switzerland

But their flag is a big plus.

We should have known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

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I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

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The local hot shot had never lost a drag race.

He had a souped up little dragster he pieced together himself. It was an old Honda, sure, but this guy had tuned it to perfection. Not only that, he'd squeezed every ounce of horsepower out of it possible: straight pipes, turbo, the works.

There's a straightaway on a back road where all the l...

Chinese Flag Rating

I’d give it uhhh 5 stars.

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

I knew the Moskav was Russia's flagship

I didn't know it was a white flag.

The red and white in Poland's flag represents their history and hope for the future.

The blue stripe represents their strong, reliable allies in the 20th century

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

My girlfriend left me because of my “unhealthy obsession” with USSR memorabilia...

She said there were too many red flags!

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

I have a Swiss flag. It's pretty big. I think it's a good addition to my home...

A big plus, if you will.

Looking back I should never have become a communist

all the red flags were there

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

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The new recruit

An Israeli soldier who had just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO said "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tan...

With respect to Russian aggression, we should have seen it coming

Just take a look at their history and you'll see a giant red flag.

I think I was a bull in a previous lifetime

because I’m attracted to red flags

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist.

It’s usually the other way around.

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a classically dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".


The smartly-dressed man says "Th...

There was a woman in the supermarket holding a huge multicoloured flag and making loud pigeon sounds.

I told her to mind her peace and coos.

I went to a party dressed in flags

It was a semiphore-mal

What's a huge red flag, but also a big plus, so overall it's neutral?

The Swiss flag

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

Why are flags the most erotic of cloths?

Because when the wind blows, they do pole dances.

Where was the flag of USA first hoisted?

On the pole.

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

What do you call a bunch of angry flag waving Americans?

A gathering Murricane

What does it mean when the flag at the local Post Office is at half mast?

They're hiring.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags.

It turned out that she was an avid communist.

Trump comes to the fortune teller

Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are ...

TIL people who are color blind have the highest rates of divorce.

They can't see the red flags.

A state trooper pulled over a guy for going too slow on the freeway and having too many flags on His car.... As soon as the officer walked to the car the questioning begun:

Who are You? What is Your name? Do you speak english? You look illegal to Me are You legal? Where did You come from?........

Ok first of all My name is officer Gonzales and I am supposed to be doing the questions.

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As a bisexual individual, I think I have the coolest flag out of all of the others in the LGBTQ+ community.

But I guess I’m biased.

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

Did you hear about Six Flags new roller coaster?

They are calling it 2020.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

If you go home with someone and they have the banner of the former Soviet Union flag hanging on the wall

That’s a big red flag.

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

NASCAR got rid of the confederate flag from race tracks

Another true end to race wars.

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

What do you call the french flag without any color?

Still the french flag

I went on a trip to China and it wasn’t great. 2/5

But the flag was five stars

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I dumped a girl right after she took me to her home and showed me all her Nazi pride memorabilia

There were a lot of red flags

I can't ever try Communism

Too many red flags

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

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How does a colorblind person see the LGBTQ flag?

They see it in gayscale.

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We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

What do you call a guy who likes sitting on flag poles?

A flaggot.

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Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

The german Flag stands for:

RED : Sausages
YELLOW : Beer
GREEN : Not causing two world wars

Fellas, if your girl has some form of Polyethylene terephthalate in the shape of an equiangular quadrilateral with the hex code of ff0000

get out fast, that’s a red flag.


Credit to u/wcollins260

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

The police were called to a NASCAR event when belligerent fans became violent after being asked to remove the Confederate flags they had brought to the event.

Authorities believe it to be race-related.

If you turn Indonesia flag upside down you'll get Polish flag. What will you get if you turn upside down Ukrainian flag?

An upside down Ukrainian flag

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job

All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag

A man who had worked for British Rail in a small village for many years decided it was time to move up in the world... [long]

Walter had been a track-switcher on the railway line that ran past his tiny English village for most of his life. All day long he sat in his little hut and switched the points as trains approached.

One day he got it into his head that it was time to move up in the world, so he wrote to Britis...

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier...

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