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Flag Jokes

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

Many people recognize that the Russian flag is an homage to the French flag.

But did you know their military flag is an homage to the old French military flag as well? The old French military flag was three white Fleur-de-lis on a field of white. Now the Russians use the same one, just rotated 90 degrees.

Someone just coloured in my entire Swiss flag red!

That’s a big red flag, and it certainly isn’t a big plus on my end

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My dad told me people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist.

To be honest, there were a lot of red flags

I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist.

I should've known sooner. There were red flags everywhere.

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

My girlfriend's red flags wouldn't have bothered me so much

....if they didn't have swastikas on them.

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

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Hitler had so many red flags around him.

But no one saw it coming.

I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed.

AlgaeBTQ

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

A teen drama movie is kinda like the jewish flag

It’s nothing without a huge star

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
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How does a colourblind person see the LGBTQIA+ flag?

They see it in gayscale.

Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist.

It’s usually the other way around.

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

White flags

The American flags planted on the Moon by the Apollo astronauts have been exposed to high levels of UV rays for decades. This has bleached them pure white.

So now it looks like the French landed there.

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I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

France has the most flags on the moon of any nation.

The intense UV light bleaches all the flags placed there white.

Chinese Flag Rating

I’d give it uhhh 5 stars.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

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Japanese flag

The Japanese flag is just a pie chart of all the countires that have been nuked.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

A driver is swerving on the road, and is flagged down by a police officer.

As he approaches the window, the officer catches a potent whiff of alcohol.

"Sir," the officer asks, "do you know when you started drinking and how much you've had to drink tonight?"

The driver responds in a slurred voice, "Officer, I can't tell you how much I've had, but I do rememb...

The flag on the moon.

The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

Man takes his wife golfing

An old man goes golfing every weekend. His wife always complains about his going and leaving her alone. So one weekend he says “Why don’t you come with me and I’ll teach you how to play.” She agrees and on the first hole, a par 4 with a dog leg, she asks “ok, what do I do?” He says “you see that fla...

Employee on NSFW Sites...

Boss: What have you been working on the last few hours?


Employee: A graphic display of convergent asynchronous load distribution.


Boss: The tracker flagged you on bukkake sites.


Employee: I stand by my previous statement.

Did you hear about the kid who bungie jumped from the school's flag pole?

He was suspended

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A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a ...

I once took a test on waving signal flags.

They told me I passed with flying colors.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

I once dated a Turkish woman.

Her mother was Tunisian, and her father was Canadian. Her grandparents were Albanian and her brother was Danish.


I broke up with her though, too many red flags.

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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven (flagging it NSFW just in case)

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

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What do flags and my penis have in common?

They both stand at half mast when somebody dies.

What's the worst thing about Austria?

I don't know, but the flag is a big minus.

The german Flag stands for:

RED : Sausages
YELLOW : Beer
GREEN : Not causing two world wars

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Damn girl are you an amusement park

Because I see six red flags

No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

Why are flags the most erotic of cloths?

Because when the wind blows, they do pole dances.

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

The soviet union was doomed to fail

The red flags were everywhere.

I broke up with a girl because the red flag she had was just too big for me to ignore

She said she was practicing for Chinese flag bearing but my place is too small for that

A Mexican man walks onto a field in America and places his flag into the ground.

The owner of the field then says "Hey, what are you doing? This is America, what is your Mexican flag doing here?"

The Mexican looks confused at the American before replying "I hear this free country, yes? I buy America."

Did you hear about Six Flags new roller coaster?

They are calling it 2020.

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

NASCAR can't ban the confederate flag

They wave it every race with one lap to go!

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now.

Now the French can claim to have been there.

My girlfriend left me because of my “unhealthy obsession” with USSR memorabilia...

She said there were too many red flags!

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Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian

And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese

Found this in my timeline...

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, th...

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...

... Effectively crippling the French military.

People really should have known what was going to happen with Communism

There were so many red flags

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

During World War II, there’s a brutal battle between the Allied Forces and the Germans.

The Germans are sustaining heavy casualties. The German commander is preparing to sound the retreat, but he receives word that the Allies have cut the Germans off from the rear.

With no choice left and to save his men, he gives the order to surrender. German soldiers begin frantically waving...

I have a Swiss flag. It's pretty big. I think it's a good addition to my home...

A big plus, if you will.

Some people from the south really like the Confederate flag.

Personally I dont get it, to me it's just a big red flag.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

What do you call a guy who likes sitting on flag poles?

A flaggot.

Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle...

But you haven't lost the w- oh right.

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

My tinder match said she identifies as a matador

That's a red flag for me

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

Turkey has the moon on its flag

Meanwhile the United States has its flag on the moon.

There was a woman in the supermarket holding a huge multicoloured flag and making loud pigeon sounds.

I told her to mind her peace and coos.

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

What does it mean when the flag at the local Post Office is at half mast?

They're hiring.

What does the blue in the communist flag stand for?

Food

The Swiss embassy has had it’s flag stolen.

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

Dear confederate flag supporters, you may lose the battle but

You haven’t lost the wa-Oh wait....wow that’s awkward

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

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Three Generals are arguing about which branch of the service has the bravest members...

Army General says "watch this" and calls a dog soldier over and tells him to climb a nearby flag pole and sing the caissons go rolling along. The soldier salutes smartly and promptly complies, and the General is smug while remarking "now THAT'S bravery".


Navy Admiral calls a squid over a...

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

What part of the Canadian flag is the French's?

The white part.

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business...

...when a carload of gun toting, young and very loud tea partiers, shouting anti-Obama, anti-Muslim slogans, with a Gadsden flag duct taped on the trunk and a confederate flag taped to the hood, "All I need to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11" spray painted to the side, pulled up and stopped next...

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line

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Imagine if they made an amusement park called Sex Flags

It would be a fucking roller-coaster

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What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag?

The French flag.

A girl I dated made fun of me for being colorblind

That's a huge grey flag for me!

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

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