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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven (flagging it NSFW just in case)

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

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A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a ...

A man flags down a waitress at a diner...

"Hi... could I get a coffee please?"

"Of course... how do you take it?"

"Sugar, no cream"

"I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you like it without milk instead?"

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his da...

Reviews are in for the Chinese flag.

It's got five stars.

I once took a test on waving signal flags.

They told me I passed with flying colors.

The flag on the moon.

The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "

A Mexican man walks onto a field in America and places his flag into the ground.

The owner of the field then says "Hey, what are you doing? This is America, what is your Mexican flag doing here?"

The Mexican looks confused at the American before replying "I hear this free country, yes? I buy America."

My girlfriend left me because of my “unhealthy obsession” with USSR memorabilia...

She said there were too many red flags!

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My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

TIL people who are color blind have the highest rates of divorce.

They can't see the red flags.

Trump comes to the fortune teller

Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are ...

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I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

I have a Swiss flag. It's pretty big. I think it's a good addition to my home...

A big plus, if you will.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

What is the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus...

I was disappointed that my sister started dating a guy who praised Stalin, idolized Karl Marx, and was working to form a union at work

I don't know she missed all the red flags

The red and white in Poland's flag represents their history and hope for the future.

The blue stripe represents their strong, reliable allies in the 20th century

Chinese Flag Rating

I’d give it uhhh 5 stars.

Fellas, if your girl has some form of Polyethylene terephthalate in the shape of an equiangular quadrilateral with the hex code of ff0000

get out fast, that’s a red flag.


Credit to u/wcollins260

I went to a party dressed in flags

It was a semiphore-mal

Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist.

It’s usually the other way around.

I don’t know how the Chinese fell for Mao and the communist party

I mean, there were a freakin ton of red flags.

There was a woman in the supermarket holding a huge multicoloured flag and making loud pigeon sounds.

I told her to mind her peace and coos.

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

A man who had worked for British Rail in a small village for many years decided it was time to move up in the world... [long]

Walter had been a track-switcher on the railway line that ran past his tiny English village for most of his life. All day long he sat in his little hut and switched the points as trains approached.

One day he got it into his head that it was time to move up in the world, so he wrote to Britis...

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I dumped a girl right after she took me to her home and showed me all her Nazi pride memorabilia

There were a lot of red flags

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

What's a huge red flag, but also a big plus, so overall it's neutral?

The Swiss flag

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What’s the hardest thing when working with the severely handicapped?

My dick.

(Celebrating my profile getting flagged NSFW in style)

Generally, when Communist countries get patriotic…

it’s a big red flag

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

Where was the flag of USA first hoisted?

On the pole.

Did you hear about Six Flags new roller coaster?

They are calling it 2020.

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

I once tried dating in China and Turkey

It didn't work out, there were a lot of red flags everywhere

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier...

A state trooper pulled over a guy for going too slow on the freeway and having too many flags on His car.... As soon as the officer walked to the car the questioning begun:

Who are You? What is Your name? Do you speak english? You look illegal to Me are You legal? Where did You come from?........

Ok first of all My name is officer Gonzales and I am supposed to be doing the questions.

What does it mean when the flag at the local Post Office is at half mast?

They're hiring.

Why are flags the most erotic of cloths?

Because when the wind blows, they do pole dances.

My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia.

I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.

I once dated a girl and she threw up a bunch of red flags.

It turned out that she was an avid communist.

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As a bisexual individual, I think I have the coolest flag out of all of the others in the LGBTQ+ community.

But I guess I’m biased.

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

My dad was arrested for persistently stealing the equipment of beach lifeguards...

I blame myself that I didn't see it sooner; after all, the last time I'd gone to see him there were plenty of red flags...

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An old Cuban immigrant is dying

and he asks his nurse "Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die". The nurse replies " We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printe...

If you see your friend hang a Chinese flag on the wall...

... it’s a big red flag.

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

Did you see the Chinese flag on the moon?

There are children all over China bragging they sewed it.

A young woman takes a taxi across town...

When they get to her destination the driver checks the flag fare and says "$35 please."

The woman says "I'm sorry, I haven't got any money"

The annoyed driver looks over the back seat to see the young lady pull up her skirt to reveal she's not wearing any panties.

"Perhaps we ca...

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

A psychiatrist decides to conduct a test after the second World War.

A psychiatrist decides to conduct a test after the second World War. He meets a soldier and waves a handkerchief in front of them and asks them:

"What do you think of when you see this handkerchief?"

"I think of my mother".

"Why is that?"

"When I left to go to war on the...

Never trust someone that enjoys a Soviet Parade

There are a lot of red flags.

If you go home with someone and they have the banner of the former Soviet Union flag hanging on the wall

That’s a big red flag.

I’m a little suspicious of my roommate always offering to sell me old communist memorabilia.

It’s a big red flag for me.

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

The police were called to a NASCAR event when belligerent fans became violent after being asked to remove the Confederate flags they had brought to the event.

Authorities believe it to be race-related.

What do you call the french flag without any color?

Still the french flag

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We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

A middle schooler was told he needed a jockstrap and cup...

...for flag football.

He had some allowance saved so decided to go to the sporting goods store to purchase the necessary items.

He really had no idea what he was supposed to buy so he asked the lady at the counter for assistance.

"She says, "So you need a jockstrap and a ...

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

What does a very convincing communist and a psychopath have in common?

People leave them with big red flags

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support LGBTQ

That's a bit of a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet flag.

I want to give communism a chance

but there's too many red flags

Did you hear that NASCAR is banning the Confederate Flag?

**They should ban the Finish Flag, it has a "Checkered" past.**

Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job

All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

A Woman & a Shepard

(Preface: My father told me this joke when I was little.)

There once was a woman who was sick of all the blonde jokes she had been the victim of. So, she decided to make a change - she dyed her hair, freshened up her wardrobe, even bought herself a new car. Feeling like a bee person, she vent...

What do you call a guy who likes sitting on flag poles?

A flaggot.

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Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

The german Flag stands for:

RED : Sausages
YELLOW : Beer
GREEN : Not causing two world wars

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

An American hiker walks to the edge of a Himalayan cliff, determined to end it all.

As he stares down at the rocks below, he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to see a Buddhist monk standing between two trees, beckoning him over.

With nothing to lose, the man shuffles over to the monk, who is holding a string of prayer flags. "You trying to talk...

If you turn Indonesia flag upside down you'll get Polish flag. What will you get if you turn upside down Ukrainian flag?

An upside down Ukrainian flag

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How does a colorblind person see the LGBTQ flag?

They see it in gayscale.

I move to Switzerland a year ago.

A friend asked me how much I like the country.

I said "Well, the flag is a big plus."

I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.

I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

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Independence Day

I gave my girlfriend a locket with a tiny American flag inside to help commemorate the 4th.

She graciously accepted and said, “Thank you, but I’m independent and don’t need gifts.”

In return, she offered a blowjob. I graciously accepted and came on her neck.

She asked, “Why d...

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wanted me to cosplay as Lenin

I should've known, there were red flags everywhere.

Some people from the south really like the Confederate flag.

Personally I dont get it, to me it's just a big red flag.

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How do you make jerk chicken?

Give him a red hat and an outdated election flag.

A driver flagged me down the other day and said, "I've broken down and could do with a lift"

I told them that their hair looked nice and drove off.

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

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broke up with the girlfriend because she was always up my ass about being colour blind and a dozen other things

too many grey flags

r/AskReddit: Colorblind people of reddit. Do you see a man/woman sleeping with lots of people as a red flag?

Or is it just gray for you?

It should be obvious to everyone that communism won't work.

I mean seriously, there were so many red flags.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

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