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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver ...

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What do the colors in the German flag stand for?

Black: cars

Red: sausages

Yellow: beer

Blue: jews

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

What is the name of the Soviet flag carrier airline?

USSAir

A rookie officer was in IA after shooting a man that had flagged him down while on fire.

In his defense, the man had been waving a Fire Arm in his direction.

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I found out the couch I got on Craigslist had the pride flag drawn on the back

So now I have a homosectional

A driver flagged me down the other day and said, "I've broken down and could do with a lift"

I told them that their hair looked nice and drove off.

My Communist girlfriend is a real psycho....

How in the world did I miss all the red flags?

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

Today in class, we were supposed to draw the French flag.

For some reason, the paper my teacher gave me already had the flench flag on it so I just submitted it.


Why did he mark the work as unattempted? It was all white already...

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

What do the colors on the Polish flag stand for?

Red: Courage

White: Resilience

Blue: Reliable allies

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

What's the best part about living in Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

Riots and protests erupt across France. The people are taking to the streets flipping cara, waving flags, and chanting “Viva la France!” A little boy asks his father, ” What are they protesting against?”

The father replies , “an eight hour work day.”

Chinese people all have the same answer when I ask what red flags to look out for when I go to China.

They all say the national flag

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Speeding

A state trooper running a speed trap flags a sedan for traveling 75MPH in a 50MPH zone. The trooper immediately flips on his lights and stops the car.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?", the trooper asks the driver as a matter of routine.

"It might be the six kilos of cocaine in the...

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

People should have known that Soviet Union would collapse.

There were a lot of red flags.

I just found out I've been dating a communist....

I should have seen the red flags sooner

How do we know that something is wrong in China?

There's so many red flags!

Bulls need to realize that when a matador waves his cape, he’s scamming them.

It’s a huge red flag.

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

Penguin Joke

A man was driving to work one morning when he saw a penguin at the side of the road. He didn't know what to do with it so he put it into the back seat of his car and drove to work to explain the situation to his boss.

His boss said "You should take him to the zoo", so the man left and drove o...

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Why do Nazis not like checkered flags?

Cause it reminds them of Hitlers failure to finish a race

Joseph Stalin should have known Communism wouldn't work.



I mean seriously,there were red flags everywhere.

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

My spirit animal is a bull

Because, I too, charge head first into red flags

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How does a colorblind person see the LGBTQ flag?

They see it in gayscale.

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A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo...

I once dated a Chinese vexillologist, but I had to break it off.

Too many red flags.

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The Japanese flag is a pie chart...

...showing how many of them are afraid of Godzilla.

I want to move to Switzerland

The people are pleasant, the economy is great, and the flag is a big plus.

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line

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Imagine if they made an amusement park called Sex Flags

It would be a fucking roller-coaster

The bar on the cliff

A man is on a walk by the coast in terrible weather, and ducks into a bar that is situated at the top of a cliff overlooking the sea to escape the rain and the wind.

He sits at the bar and orders a whiskey, and strikes up a conversation with an old man at the bar. The men talk for a couple o...

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A priest is taking confessions

When he gets a sudden urge to use the bathroom. Not wanting to interrupt the lineup, he flags over the janitor and says " can you sit in for me for a 10 minutes, just flip through this sins book and dish out whatever penance is required. Easy peasy."
So the first confessioner comes in, a young...

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An Englishman is delivering four monkeys to Dublin zoo when his van breaks down

Stopped at the side of the road he sees Paddy in an empty van behind him so he flags him down.

“Alright mate, I’m in a spot of bother here, If I give you fifty quid will you bring these monkeys down to the zoo for me?” says the Englishman

“No bother at all, load them up” says Paddy a...

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A man walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest,

"forgive me father, for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed"

The priest asks, "Would you like to tell me about it?"

"Well," the guy says. "I was on the seventeenth hole, and I had just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, perfect ...

I should have known my relationship was doomed when my girlfriend made me watch the Vietnamese Independence Day parade.

There were so many red flags.

Why did East Germany have a drafting compass on their flag?

So that you could draw the direction the country was going.

Hong Kongers should have been more cautious about the handover.

There were red flags everywhere.

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I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

Highway 66

Along Highway 66 there drove an old man in a busted up car, after driving for 2 hrs, his car broke down so he pulled over. After looking at the car he decided to flag down another car for a tow to the nearest town.

After waiting for several hours along came a man driving a ferrari, who saw th...

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

Dear confederate flag supporters, you may lose the battle but

You haven’t lost the wa-Oh wait....wow that’s awkward

I stopped seeing this girl after I found out she was a communist.

I could see all the red flags

What does the blue in the communist flag stand for?

Food

A curious son notices a change in the U.S flag’s position and decides to ask his mom

Son: Mom, why is the flag at the top of the pole today?

Mom: Because there hasn’t been a mass shooting all week Billy.

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

I just disconnected my home alarm and left the neighborhood watch program.

I raised 2 Pakistani flags at each corner of the house and a black ISIS flag in the middle of the yard.
I have the FBI, NSA, MI6, MI5, RCMP, CSIS and a few other agencies watching the house 24/7.
I’ve never felt safer.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

There’s nothing much I can say about the Swiss

But their flag is a big plus

I started dating a communist girl a while ago, but I don't think it'll work out

I can't help but notice the red flags.

(Hope this ain't a repost, I thought about it during shower)

The Swiss embassy has had it’s flag stolen.

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

I don’t understand why the young people today fail to see the dangers of communism.

I mean come on, there are so many red flags!

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

Why do the French wear such big underwear?

It's easier to make white flags.

A little boy was walking past a D-Day memorial along the beach

As he passed by, he could see an old man shaking his head and letting out a long sigh. Curious as to what his story was, the little boy walked up to the man and said "Hey mister, why do you look so sad?"

The man looked at the child and said "More than 70 years ago, my friends fought on this b...

What did the South Korean flag holder say to the North Korean holder after the ceremony?

Hey, let's grab some lunch! I bet you're starving!

Only two countries have square flags

One is Vatican City, the other is Switzerland.


No wonder Swiss cheese is holy.

From what I've learnt during my education about European countries, Switzerland seems like a great place

The best part about it is its flag. It's a big plus

What part of the Canadian flag is the French's?

The white part.

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

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What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag?

The French flag.

A date told me she'd love to have visited the Soviet Union at it's greatest. I got out of there real quick.

It was clearly a big red flag.

I wouldn't date anyone from China

That's a HUGE red flag

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

I dumped my girlfriend when she said she had the banner of the USSR on her wall.

It's a huge red flag.

In his CV, a Job applicant mentioned country of origin as China

That's a red flag.

God and Tom Brady

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a nice little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity Tom”, said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, inde...

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