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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

Lately, I've seen a post about red flags to look out for when looking for a job

All I can say is dont go looking for a job at chinese government buildings because there's always a red flag

What’s the best rated flag?

The US, it has fifty stars!

The Apollo mission crew planted an American flag on the moon, but UV radiation has since turned it completely white,

So now it’s a French flag.

If you turn Indonesia flag upside down you'll get Polish flag. What will you get if you turn upside down Ukrainian flag?

An upside down Ukrainian flag

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

The german Flag stands for:

RED : Sausages
YELLOW : Beer
GREEN : Not causing two world wars

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

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Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

If you go home with someone and they have the banner of the former Soviet Union flag hanging on the wall

That’s a big red flag.

An American hiker walks to the edge of a Himalayan cliff, determined to end it all.

As he stares down at the rocks below, he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to see a Buddhist monk standing between two trees, beckoning him over.

With nothing to lose, the man shuffles over to the monk, who is holding a string of prayer flags. "You trying to talk...

r/AskReddit: Colorblind people of reddit. Do you see a man/woman sleeping with lots of people as a red flag?

Or is it just gray for you?

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I sure don’t know, but their flag is a big plus!

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

The soviet union was doomed to fail

The red flags were everywhere.

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I thought about dating a Nazi once

but the swastika was a huge red flag.

The lines in the LGBT community flag are straight.

Ironic.

3 Drunken southern men are asking for one more round of drinks

The bartender says “no way, look at how drunk you’ve become!”

The 3 drunk southerners keep insisting.

The bartender says “Alright, whoever can name the southern most state in America gets another drink.

The 1st drunk Shouts “TEXAS! it’s where most people in the world think of wh...

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

My love life is like a game of minesweeper

I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.

No wonder China is behind the Coronavirus

We even saw a big red flag 🇨🇳

How did the dad figure out the most popular country in the world?

He took a flag pole.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

Today in class, we were supposed to draw the French flag.

For some reason, the paper my teacher gave me already had the flench flag on it so I just submitted it.


Why did he mark the work as unattempted? It was all white already...

What's the best thing about China?

I don't know, but I give their flag five stars

A man named Jose moved to America...

A man named Jose moved to America and the first thing he does is go to a baseball game because it seemed like a very American thing to do. When he got there he had to sit by the flag and there were many tall people in front of him. Suddenly everyone in the stadium turned toward him and sang, "Jo-ose...

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

A driver flagged me down the other day and said, "I've broken down and could do with a lift"

I told them that their hair looked nice and drove off.

What is the name of the Soviet flag carrier airline?

USSAir

Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.

She’s been raising a lot of red flags.

A rookie officer was in IA after shooting a man that had flagged him down while on fire.

In his defense, the man had been waving a Fire Arm in his direction.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

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Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

Riots and protests erupt across France. The people are taking to the streets flipping cara, waving flags, and chanting “Viva la France!” A little boy asks his father, ” What are they protesting against?”

The father replies , “an eight hour work day.”

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I found out the couch I got on Craigslist had the pride flag drawn on the back

So now I have a homosectional

Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

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A blonde comes home from school munching on a candy bar...

Her mom asks her where she got it.

"I got it from Johnny! All I had to do was climb the flag pole at school!" she says.

"Oh, Jenny! You're such a dumb-ass. He was just trying to look up your skirt and see your panties!"

"Whoops!" Jenny says.

The next day she comes home,...

My Communist girlfriend is a real psycho....

How in the world did I miss all the red flags?

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

My date was going really well until I noticed a large communist symbol on her wall

It was a big red flag

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How does a colorblind person see the LGBTQ flag?

They see it in gayscale.

Wanna know how we knew communism was doomed from the start?

Because of all the red flags.

Donald Trump went to see a Psychic recently

Donald Trump went to a psychic recently to ask what she saw in his future. She closed her eyes and went into a trance before saying the following: "I see a parade in your honor in Washington D.C. There are hundreds of thousands of people lining the streets. They are all smiling, and cheering, and wa...

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A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo...

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Tim is driving to work when a man wearing yellow suddenly flags him down

He slows down, puzzled.

"Just who are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I'm a yellow cunt and I'll be on my way if you just give me some food!"

Tim is confused, but being a generally good-natured man, he gives the sandwich he was going to have for lunch, and the man skips a...

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

We should have known that the coronavirus was more severe sooner.

There were red flags everywhere.

Why is there yellow in the Flag of Belgium?

To slow down the German vehicles a little bit before they reach the white flag.

Switzerland is arguably one of the best countries on the planet

The Alps are pretty cool, and the flag is a big plus.

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

Stalin should've known USSR wouldn't work for long

There were lots of red flags

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

All of the flags on the moon have been bleached white by the radiation from the sun..

.. making it officially French territory.

Troll enter chat

A user enters a chat room for battered women. They immediately type that their husband forces her to lie around on the beach in Tahiti and eat lobster, mahi mahi, crab and shrimp. The new user is flagged by the other battered women with real problems and the mods block this low level troll. The n...

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The Japanese flag is a pie chart...

...showing how many of them are afraid of Godzilla.

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

What does the blue in the communist flag stand for?

Food

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

The Swiss embassy has had it’s flag stolen.

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

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Imagine if they made an amusement park called Sex Flags

It would be a fucking roller-coaster

Dear confederate flag supporters, you may lose the battle but

You haven’t lost the wa-Oh wait....wow that’s awkward

I just found out I've been dating a communist....

I should have seen the red flags sooner

My wife and I went to a restaurant last night...

My wife wanted to know if they had a vegan friendly menu. So I flagged down the waitress and said "I have a question about the menu, please". To which the waitress responded "The men I please is none of your business"

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With the recent cuts to benefits all claims are being investigated, anything suspicious the claiments are invited in to explain.

In Chigwell Essex Tracey had her claim for 13 children flagged as suspicious, she went to the DWP to explain.

Benefits Advisor *“Tracey, I find it hard to believe you have 13 boys all the same name, doesn't it get confusing?”*

Tracey, *“Nah, its well easy, if they're out and I want t...

A curious son notices a change in the U.S flag’s position and decides to ask his mom

Son: Mom, why is the flag at the top of the pole today?

Mom: Because there hasn’t been a mass shooting all week Billy.

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

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What do you get when you take the red circle off the Japanese flag?

The French flag.

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

I knew I shouldn’t have started dating a bull fighter—

There were big red flags!

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

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