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Protecting Jokes

A man with a great dane and a man with a Chihuahua go to a bar, but it says “no pets allowed”

One man says to the other “how will we bring our dogs inside?”
The second man gives the first a pair of very dark sunglasses and says “do what I do.”
He goes inside and the manager says “Sorry, no pets allowed.”
The man says “You don’t understand. This is my guide dog.”
“A great dane? ...

Tampax has been protecting women for 80 years.

That's quite a long period.

why were the Sunchips tasked with protecting the dip

Because they were known for garden salsa

What do you call someone who is crazy about protecting the planet?

Enviro Mental.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

What do you call a vault with a lock and bodyguards protecting it?

Safe.

What tinned food is best for protecting you from the rain?

Can of Peas

Which government organization is involved with protecting Area 51?

The C.I.ayy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't worry, anyone who doesn't take action in protecting net neutrality will get FREE sex when this blows over!

Specifically, you'll get fucked by Comcast and Verizon.

so there's this group of people who are protecting a van

they call themselves the Vanguard

The Secret Service has come up with a new plan for protecting our president-elect.

In the event of an armed attack, they will yell "Donald, duck!"

Do you know how many 3rd party sects the catholic church is protecting?

None, catholics aren't allowed to have protected sects.

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

Chuck Norris’ security guard…

…is grateful to have Chuck protecting him.

A German Shepherd, Doberman, and a cat die and go to heaven.

God greets the three and asks each what they believe in.

First God asks the German Shepherd who replies "I believe in discipline and loyalty to my master". God says " this is good, you can sit here at my right hand."

Next God asks the Doberman what he believes in. The Doberman replies...

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