UPJOKE
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Helmet Jokes

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Browns jersey and carrying a cat that also has a Browns jersey on with a little Browns helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Browns game here?
My TV at home is broke, and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can ...

I found some dusty old boxes in my closet and in them were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw...

There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

Then, I got to the one that sparked the most memories: My grandfather's most prized collection!!

Every day since January 1st, 1949, he co...

what do you call a cyclist without a helmet?

an organ donor.

War. A battalion is under heavy enemy fire.

The commander gathers his soldiers and explains:

**Commander**: Listen men, we can't hold for long. We must retreat and come back with reinforcements. However, someone must stay behind and cover our backs. And whoever he is... our supply situation is bad. All we can give him is three grenades...

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A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's co...

I tried to wear a pheasant as a helmet

But I just couldn't seem to get my head in the game.

People always tell me to wear a helmet while skateboarding...

I can't even remember the last time I hit my head.

What did one helmet say to the other

I'll stay here, you go on a head

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My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...

Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during sex.

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

A king sits on his throne. Suddenly, one of his knights enters.

The knight looks so tired he can barely stand. His armour is heavily battered and covered with dust, his sword is notched, his helmet is cracked...

**King**: Dear God, John! What happened to you?

**Knight**: Oh, I've been hard at work lately, Your Majesty. A heavy blow I dealt against ...

I loved my job as a crash helmet tester.

But some days it did my head in.

Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.

So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

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I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

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The rabbit and the bear

One day a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods, when suddenly a magic stork flys down from the sky and calls the two of them over.

The stork says he's seen them be aggressive to eachother for weeks now and he'll offer them both 3 wishes each if they stop. The bear being greedy says "I'm...

Stormtrooper helmets

I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.

Do you know what the 'N' on Nebraska's football helmet stands for?

Knowledge.

How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone in his helmet?

He uses a hans free device

What does the N on the Nebraska football team’s helmet stand for?

Nowledge.

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A bear and a rabbit find a magic genie in the woods

He grants them three wishes a piece.

"I wish for a motorcycle."

As the motorcycle appeared, the bear scoffed, "What a waste of a wish. I wish for all the bears in the forest to be female."

The genie granted his wish and the rabbit made his second wish, "I wish for a helmet."...

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A Lion is chasing a Monkey in the Jungle

The lion was chasing the monkey then suddenly a fairy appeared and stopped both of them.
The fairy said that she’ll give both the lion and the monkey 3 wishes each if the lion stops chasing the monkey.
The lion agrees and states his first wish “ I wish all the lions in this jungle become lione...

What does the inside of the Mandalorian’s helmet smell like?

Fetta Cheese

Why don't Harley riders wear helmets?

If you spent $30,000 on a bike and $10,000 on apparel and people still thought you were a dweeb you would be suicidal too!

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar.

Ouch.

Q: why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate?

A: she was on a crash diet

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How is cunnilingus like riding a bike with an open face helmet?

It's a lot of fun as long as you don't end up with bugs in your teeth.

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A blonde guy walks into a bar

A hefty, muscular gun toting blond guy from Austin Texas goes to a bar on his Harley Davidson. He parks the bike outside, goes in and orders a drink.

Now the regulars at this bar have a habit of picking on newcomers. So when the blond goes back his bike is missing from its spot. He walks back...

The first jockstrap in ice hockey was introduced in 1874. The helmet was first obligatory in 1974.

So it took precisely 100 years before men realized that the brain eventually could be useful too.

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Pervert Bear and Genious rabbit

A bear hunts a rabbit in the forest. After several hours of running, they arrive in a clearing with a large rock in the center, and on top of this rock stands a golden frog. Surprised, they approach and the frog starts talking to them:
" For having found me, I grant you 3 wishes each."
The b...

Why doesn’t Senator Mitch McConnell wear a helmet when he rides his motorcycle?

‘Cause he is naturally triple chin strapped.

I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me.

I'll never go to that spinning class again.

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Long. A little white rabbit is being chased through the forest by a bear.

As they are running, they both trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out and looks at the two.

“Since you both touched the lamp, you will both get 3 wishes,” says the genie.

The bear starts jumping up and down waving its paws and says “Oh, oh, oh, me first! I wish all the bears in thi...

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The biker and the dick

A biker is zooming along a country road on a hot Sunday in August.

Suddenly, he feels a hit on his helmet, stops, and realizes he has hit a little bird.

Unsure of what to do, he tucks it under h
is seat to take it home to help it recover.

He places it in the basement in a ...

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A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (a...

A child and his father were going to ride their bikes.

Child: \*wearing a beanie

Father: When you are going to ride your bike, you should always wear a helmet

Child: Don't worry dad, this is better. I already tested it.

Father: How?

Child: I threw them both out of the 3rd floor window. The helmet broke.

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A grizzly bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest, when both come across a magic lamp and rub it at the same time

A genie pops out and says: “I’ll grant you both three wishes. Let’s start with you, bear. What do you want?”

The bear says: “I wished all the grizzly bears, other than me, in this forest, were female”, and the genie grants it.

The rabbit says: “I wish for a Harley Davidson”, and the g...

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A Bear and A Rabbit Walking Through the Woods

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a magic lamp. Rabbit rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "You know the drill," he says. "You both get three wishes. What's it gonna be?"

Bear says, "I wish all the other bears in the entire forest were *lady be...

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[long] A bear and a rabbit...

<Prologue>


A bear is taking a shit in the woods one day when a rabbit comes by.

. The bear asks "hey rabbit, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?


" no" says the rabbit.

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit..


<rabbit wil...

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit were walking in the woods...

They didnt like each other so much and were arguing the entire time until they found a magic frog.

The frog was surprised. \`No one ever found me before\` said the frog. \`As is, I now have to grant you three wishes each\`

Both the bear and the rabbit were delighted, and quickly stoppe...

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forrest The bear is chasing the rabbit trying to kill it. Until they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each

Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.

Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighbouring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.

Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears ...

What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet?

Anything you want. He can't hear a thing.

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Bear and rabbit get wishes

Bear and rabbit were just walking through the forest, as a fairy apearred. it granted both 3 wishes.
bears first wish was, to make every bear girl in this forest like only him. the rabbit on the other hand just wanted a very fast harley.
second wish from bear was that every bear girl on the wh...

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"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

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The tale of the bear and the rabbit

A bear and a rabbit is sitting next to each other in the woods, taking a shit when the bear asks the rabbit. “Do you mind when you get shit stuck in your fur? “No.” says the rabbit. The bear then proceeds to wipe his ass with the rabbit.

A few weeks later, as both walk together they stumble ...

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A bear and a rabbit find a magical fish.

The fish tells them “I will grant you three wishes.”
Bear: “I wish for all the bears in the forest to be female.”
Fish: “Granted. All bears in the forest are now female.”
Rabbit: “I wish for a motorcycle.”
Fish: “Granted.” A motorcycle appears out of thin air ...

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A mounted policeman stops his horse next to a little girl and her tricycle.

He leans over the side of the horse, and says "That's a nice trike, did Santa give it to you for Christmas?". The little girl proudly says yes. "Well, it looks like he forgot to give you a helmet too," the policeman says, "I'm going to have to write you a ticket."
At this point, the little girl ...

The bicyclist

A bicyclist walks into a bar wearing his bike helmet with a headlamp strapped on it for riding at night. "Nice head light," the bartender comments as he gets the biker a beer. "Yeah, it gets dark so early, I had to get it for riding at night," the biker says. "It makes me look like a miner." "No," t...

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A bear and a rabbit are arguing in the forest...

The genie is quite sick of hearing them so he decides to do something about it.

"Gentlemen!" He exclaims, popping up between them in a puff of sparkly blue smoke, "You are clearly not happy. So, to mitigate this, I shall grant each of you three wishes!"

"OH! OH! I shall go first!" The ...

A kid goes to his grandfather

The grandfather shows him his old stuff from ww2 and comes across his helmet. The kid looks at it and says:
-Grandpa, I never knew you were an electrician!

I told the cute girl at the grocery store that I wanted to make her mine. Was all smiles and as happy as anything...

For some reason, she got mad when I gave her a pick axe and a helmet with a light on the front.

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest when they stumble across a magic lamp.

The rabbit picks up the lamp, and rubs it. Out comes a genie, and it grants them both 3 wishes.

The bear, now focused on the wishes, decides to test the genie’s limits. He says, “I wish every other bear in the forest were female!”

The rabbit simply says, “I wish for a motorcycle helmet...

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A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck naked woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.

The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "

The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Ja...

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Firemen

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene " that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick Stop " on the edge of tow...

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A Rabbit and a Bear Are Chilling in the Woods Together

Suddenly a genie appears before them and says "I am a magic genie, and I will grant each of you 3 wishes. But choose carefully, because once I grant a wish it cannot be undone"

Rabbit and Bear ponder this for a moment before Bear speaks up to make his first wish.

Bear, being very lustf...

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."

Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that pe...

army recruitment

If a war breaks out, I think they will take me to communication because I'm an electrical technician. When it was the last war, my grandfather was probably also in communication because he had two lightning bolts on his helmet.

Thuperheroeth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath ...

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Be cautious of what you wish for and be kind

A bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest.

They ran into a clearing and the bear chased the rabbit around a giant redwood tree where, as luck would have it, a genie lived.

The genie got so tired of the noise they were making that finally he came out and told them both that he woul...

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After making love as a married couple for the first time, a young bride asks her husband for $50. As he pays her, he advises, "if you want roleplaying, we should both be in on it... ask for the money up front."

So, every time they have sex, she asks for $50 and he gladly pays. After all, it's THEIR money.

After a year, he stops at the bank to get a crisp new $100 Bill to make their anniversary special. He hands it to her as he walks in the door.

"That's sweet," she says, "but first, come o...

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A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

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Two eggs are about to have sex

And the guy egg puts on a crash helmet...

The girl egg asks "why the helmet?"

He replies "The last time I was this hard, I got hit on the head with a spoon!"

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A bear and a rabbit stumble upon a fairy

"You both get three whishes granted", says the fairy. The bear does not need to think for long and says: "I want to be compelling to all female bears in this entire forest!"

"Ok," says the fairy, "and what is your wish, little rabbit?"

"I'd like a beautiful and strong helmet, which fit...

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An old lion chases a tired rabbit

After being kicked from the pride, the old lion tries to hunt for food. He finds and chases after a rabbit day and night all around the jungle through the old creek and the thick forest finally ending up at the magic temple where a fairy lives. Upon hearing the ruckus she comes out to see both the a...

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.

A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.

The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pr...

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A rabbit and a bear find a genie in the woods

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods when they trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out of the lamp and stops them both. He says, “I don’t know who called me out so I’ll give you each three wishes.”

The bear and rabbit both start thinking about their wishes and the bear looks at the...

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A firefighter, a Native American, and a soldier are in a plane...

...flying over the US. They aren't up very high and so the windows are open (ignore the unscientific logic of this, it's a joke). They've been in there quite some time, and the firefighter starts getting bored. He pulls out his extra hat and drops it out the window just to see what will happen.
...

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The Bear, the Rabbit, & The Magical Golden Frog

A bear & a rabbit were walking through the forest when they happened upon a magical golden frog, sitting alone by a pond. The magical golden frog was such a rare find, that anyone who found him would be granted three wishes.

“Well, since you both managed to find me at the same time, I’ll...

My grandfather was an electrician during WWII.

His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it

My grandad was highly decorated during WW2....

In fact, many people believe it was the tinsel and balloon on his helmet that got him shot.

What’s the most important thing to check before rollerblading naked?

Your helmet is in good condition.

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A magical frog, a bear, and a rabbit

Once there was a magical frog in a forest. He woke up one morning and said to himself, “Today I’m going to be generous. I will grant 3 wishes to the first 2 animals I see.” He goes outside and he sees a bear. Soon after he sees a rabbit.

The frog calls over the bear and the rabbit, and he tel...

And old man visits a priest

An older man was riding his moped in a snowstorm to visit a priest to tell him that his 12th child had been born that day. Since the man was old and had a bit of trouble hearing, he thought ahead to what the priest would say so he could answer him.

”First he’ll say hello and then he’ll proba...

What does Tom Daly have in common with Micheal Schumacher?

They both have skid marks on their helmet.

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A motorcyclist and a sparrow

A motorcyclist was driving along a highway when suddenly a sparrow hit his helmet when trying to fly across. The motorcyclist struggled to control his motorcycle and almost crushed but eventually he managed to stop. Nearby he noticed the sparrow that looked dead but after an examination it turned ou...

NSFW

Not wearing helmet at a construction site

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The Bear, the Rabbit, and the Magic lamp

A bear was casing a rabbit though the woods to eat. During the case the two stumble over a magic lamp.

A Genie appeared to the both of them as said. "I will grant you each three wishes."

The bear went first, "I wish every other bear in the woods was female!" The genie waved his hand an...

What’s the last big mystery from WW2?

Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

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A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest..

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest and they find a genie's magic lamp. Stoked on life, they pick up the lamp and rub it. Out comes the, who bellows "you may have three wishes each."
The bear makes the first wish. "Guys, ive got it. I wish that every bear in this forest was female,...

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A long time ago, a bear and a hare were fighting in the forest...

Suddenly a magic frog appeared and begged them to stop fighting. In return, the magic frog would grant the bear and the hare three wishes each. The bear and the hare agreed to the terms.

The bear started immediately: "I wish, I wish that all the bears in this forest, except me, will become fe...

Conversation with my 5 year old.

He's playing with his little Darth Vader helmet and puts it on my glass of water.

Me: Don't do that.

Him: Why not?

Me: You're going to make it taste like Sith.

Him: Wait! There's Sith on this?

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A bear and a hare suddenly found a genie in the forest

The genie says: "Ok, guys, since there are two of you and I'm feeling a bit generous, I grant each of you three wishes. Ask me anything!"
The bear asks in disbelief: "You really can grant any wish? Like anything I want?"
"Sure", the genie says
"The I want all the male bears in this whole fo...

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Bear , Rabbit & Genie

One afternoon, a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. As the rabbit dove through a bush in an attempt to escape, he collided with an old dusty genie lamp. This tripped him up, which in turn tripped up the bear, and the both of them tumbled down a small hill along with the lamp, which promptl...

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Translated Slovakian joke

A guerilla fighter is caught by the Nazis during the uprising and is being interrogated. In his defence he says: "look my Grandpa was a great fighter, he shot 46 Soviet soldiers, so dont kill me please!" The Nazi guard asks him: "How do you know they were Soviet soldiers?" "Well, they all had SS on ...

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NSFW - Sammy the journeyman NFL player

Sammy was your less than average NFL player. He always managed to land on a roster, but in 13 years had never felt the glory of playing on Sunday. Every game he'd put on his gear, smear his cheeks with eye-black, don his helmet and rush onto the field with his teammates. But play after play, game...

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Our smart devices are spying on us, and I have proof!

I used my smart camera to take a dick pic, and within an hour the algorithm started sending me targeted ads for army helmets and bean bag chairs.

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

Ran into Robert Downey Jr. randomly at a club the other day

He was in his Iron Man getup but without the helmet and was dancing with glow sticks by himself. Anytime anyone tried to come up to him, he'd push them away, curse at them, then continue dancing.

He was Stark, raving mad.

You’re speeding down a road when you see red and blue lights in your rearview mirror...

You tense up and pull over to the side of the road. The cop pulls over behind you on a police motorcycle. You’re perspiring hastily at the thought of getting a ticket. The cop approaches your vehicle and says “Do you know how fast you were growing?”

You say “Yes officer, I was going fifteen ...

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A bear and a rabbit

So a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods one day. Just as the bear was about to get the rabbit, they stumble over a lamp, and a genie pops out.

They genie tells them that since they both found him, they both get three wishes. He asks the bear for his first wish.



"I wan...

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Cool Joke

So there is this bear and this rabbit walking together in the woods. They come across this mysterious lamp. Of course they rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says they get six wishes, three each. Meanwhile the bear is like "Oh yeah! Time to get some wishes!" and the rabbits just like "Oh this ...

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A lion is hunting a rabbit

A lion is trying to hunt a rabbit but the rabbit being too elusive keeps on dodging him until they reach a very ancient part of jungle, where no one has ever been. By doing so they release an ancient spirit trapped in there. The spirit rises up from the dust and thanks the rabbit and lion and promis...

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Two soldiers are walking through a forrest.

They’re both starving and searching for food, when they come to a crossroads. They agree, that each will go down one path and look for food. After about an hour they meet back at the crossroad. One of them is empty-handed, but the other one is holding a helmet full of macaroni with bits of meat. The...

In class room . Russia , after the war .

Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )

Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war!

That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.

A man is out jogging

And man is out jogging and he sees a kid approaching in the distance.

As they get closer, the man can see the kid is in a little red wagon and is getting pulled by a dog.

As they get even closer, the man can see the kid has a fireman's helmet on.

Just as they were about to pass,...

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Mouse and a bear find a genie lamp

A mouse and a bear find a genie lamp in the woods. The bear rubs it and a genie pops out and says,
"Thank you for freeing me, for doing so I grant you both three wishes each."

The bear went first and said, "I wish the entire earth was covered in forests," and the genie makes the whole eart...

I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!

Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!

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Mr. Bear, Mr. Rabbit and the Golden Frog.

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.

They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. H...

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

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A Bear and a Rabbit were walking through the woods...

... when they came across a magic lamp. Rather than argue over who would use it, they rubbed it together and out came a magic genie who offered them both three wishes. After a moment deciding amongst themselves, they both agreed to let the Bear go first.

The Bear approached the Genie.

...

My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like she was special...

...so I got her a helmet and a box of crayons!

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A bear chases a rabbit though the woods.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods,
The bear leaps and catches the rabbit, doing so they both roll into a ditch.

During the roll, both the bear and rabbit accidently rubbed against a lamp.
The lamp begins to shake and let's loose a genie.
"Thank you both my friends, as a r...

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A lion is taking a peaceful drink out of a jungle stream, when a gorilla spots him through the trees

The gorilla sneaks up behind the lion, grabs his hindquarters, and screws him up the butt


The lion roars out and the gorilla takes off through the trees. The gorilla manages to stretch out his lead a bit, when he comes on a camp. The gorilla decides to disguise himself as a human on saf...

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3 boys named Poop, Trouble, and Shutup were riding their bikes down the street...

Poop fell off so Trouble stopped to make sure he was okay. Shutup rode ahead but was stopped by a policeman who noticed he wasn't wearing a helmet. The policeman said, "I'm going to have to write you a citation. What's your name, son?"

"Shutup, officer."

"Excuse me?!" The policeman sai...

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Nsfw a rabbit and a bear cross a field and stumble on a green lamp.

The rabbit spoting the lamp instinctively rubbed it and in his astonishment and with a large puff of smoke a genie appeared coughing and splutering...

"Wow thank you both for releasing me its been ages since my last release. As customary i grant you both three wishes of your hearts desire"...

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The Mouse and The Bear NOTE: It is like a story joke but worth a read... I think.

The mouse and the bear hate each other, but they both have the same goal, which is to find the magical frog genie who would grant three wishes to any who would find and free it. So the mouse and the bear decided to let their hatred aside and work together to find the frog. For days they would strugg...

Mr Carrot was out riding his motorcycle on a beautiful day.

Suddenly a car cuts in front of him and he goes flying off his bike. A few hours later Mrs Carrot gets a call from the hospital. “Mrs. Carrot, this is Dr. Carrot, and I’m calling you to let you know that your husband got into a terrible accident.”

“Oh my gosh, no! Is he ok?” she asks

“...

The star football player was missing his academic requirements

He was the best player they'd seen in years, but unfortunately, shared an IQ with his helmet. Regulations required that the player be benched until he brought his grades back up.

The coach, wanting to win their first season in decades, pled to allow the player to finish the season. It was fin...

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One day a man was riding his bike through the countryside

He was going a little fast and suddenly a bird hit his helmet and fell in-front. He went to check on the bird and found it is still alive but unconscious. He put the bird in a cage and waited. He eventually went to do something. The bird woke up, panicked and screams, “Holy shit, did I killed the bi...

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A bear and a squirrel were walking through the forest....

When they stumbled on a magic frog who said he would grant them both three wishes.

The bear goes first. "I wish all the bears in the forest besides me were female" said the bear. "Then I'd get laid all the time." "It is so." Said the frog, and all the bears in the forest besides him were fema...

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The bear and the rabbit and their fairy tale

In the woods. There is a bear and a rabbit. The bear is an grumpy and always horny guy.
The rabbit has to suffer a lot from him. He gets humiliated all the time. When the bear goes to the toilet and there is no paper around, he takes the rabbit to wipe his butt.
When he gets horny... He also...

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The bear and the rabbit

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods and find a lamp. After rubbing it, a genie appears and agrees to grant them both 3 wishes.

For his first wish, the bear says, "I wish all the female bears in this forrest find me irresistable and sexy" and the genie grants his wish. The rabbit...

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the tea...

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A genie, lion and the rabbit.

Genie saw lion chasing the rabbit.

Stops them and asks them I'll grant you three wishes than you go your separate ways.

Lion says turn all my jungle lions into lionesses.

Rabbit says give me a helmet.

Lion says turn my neighbouring jungles lions into lionesses as well....

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