Why do assassins and thieves always wear leather armour in videogames?

Because it's made from hide!

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

What does The Mighty Thor wear beneath his armour?

Thunderwear

Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”?

Because Rick Astley is British.

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My wife has a sexual toy with animal armour on it

It's an armadildo.

Sean Connery told me he got a tattoo of armour on his mouth, and that I mustn't tell anyone.

"OK," I replied, "And I recently cheated on my wife. So you must keep my secret, if you want me to keep yours."

He said, "My lips are shield."

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

Two men in suits of armour enter a hotel...

And ask for a room for two knights.

He call himself Iron man but his armours are actually made out of Titanium

Ironic

What do you call armour made for women?

She-mail.

I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armour....

Actually it's probably more of a Knight Mare

What does an assassin use to make his armour?

Hide

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Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

I really excel at dressing up in armour

It's my strongest suit

The other day I told a joke about an armoured vehicle with a rotating gun turret.

It tanked.

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

What does an Irishman say when you give him two heavily armoured vehicles for Christmas?

Tanks

What's a thief's favorite type of armour?

Steel armour

The other day, Iron Man broke his leg in his unbreakable armour.

So much ironknee

Why is French body armour so cheap?

They only need it for their back

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Three kingdoms border a lake in the shape of an obtuse triangle

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this storytelling and legal battling came to no conclusion,...

No one believes seniors...

No one believes seniors… Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It w...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.

His name was Dolf, but he was more commonly called by another name, whispered by mothers to their children as a warning - "The Red", owing to the spatters of Roman blood that covered his wolfskin armour after battles.

It was a week before Christmas night that Dolf strode into a small inn, own...

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During the Korean War

My grandfather was deployed to South Korea when North Korea attacked. He was, by all accounts, a terrible gunner. He struggled to hit enemy tanks and even if his shell did hit, as if some curse was upon him, the shell would either be a dud or fail to pierce through the enemy's armour. Despite this, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think we all know King Arthurs knights

But, there were also others, who choose to stay in the background, but played a huge part.

First, and formost, the guy who made the round table. Sir Confarence

On second place, there was a knight, who sadly lost his life before he was publicly dubbed, saving king Arthur in a surprise r...

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I don't know why I offended the Asian man wearing a damaged bulletproof vest...

...all I said was "There's a chink in the armour."

A soldier walks into his commanding officers tent

A soldier walks into his commanding officers tent and asks “Sir, I’ve lost my rifle, What do I have to do to get another” The Commanding officer says “Well if that’s the case we will take the 700 pounds out of your pay check to purchase a new one” the officer turns around to fill out the paper work ...

A British man

A British man asks and American,

“Why don’t you spell colour, armour, or flavour the same way as we do?”

The American replied,

“We got rid of u in 1776.”

I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.

She always wanted a night in, shining armour.

BDSM while being dressed as a Knight

BDSM while being dressed as a Knight is my absolute weakness.

You can say that it is a Kink in my Armour.

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