UPJOKE
portharbourshiphavenbreakwateranchorageseaportvessellandingdockholdnurseshieldentertainboat

Harbor Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Roosevelt say after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor?

I won't stand for this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar...

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, "Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!"

The Chinese guy is like, "WTF?! That wasn't us. That was the Japanese!"

The Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... you're all the same."

After a few minutes and another...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"

Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

Why do the British pronounce it "Bri'ish"?

Because the Americans dumped the T in Boston Harbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy or sitting in the bar when all of a sudden the Jewish guy walks over and punches the Chinese guy in the face.

"What the hell, man?"
"That was for Pearl harbor, asshole."
"That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese!"
"Japanese, Chinese, same thing."
The Jewish guy shrugged his shoulders and sat back down to his beer.

A few minutes ago by, when the Chinese guy walks over and punches the Jewish guy ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Korean man and a Jewish man are in a bar, total strangers to one another.

The Jewish man walks up to the Korean man and, totally unprompted, punches him in the face.

Naturally, the Korean man goes "What was that for?"

The Jewish man responds, "That was for Pearl Harbor."

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese," says the Korean man.

"Ah, Korean,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese Drunk and a Jewish Drunk are sitting together on a park bench...

After finishing his drink the Jew takes his bottle and *smashes* it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" ask the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!...

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships?

So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.

Every day I go down to the Harbor and throw fish to a baby dolphin. My friends say it's a waste of time.

But at least I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

She was walking along a bridge across the harbor, getting the nerve to jump in, when a young man saw her.

"Don't do it!" he called out. He looked at her and realized she was incredibly beautiful. He came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked. The woman told him.

"Okay, here's the thi...

What do you call two harbors?

Paradox!

I heard there's a pretty good Halloween display in the Los Angeles Harbor this year.

Everywhere you look is quite the freight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Japan bomb Pearl Harbor?

Because someone asked for supplies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather never forgave the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.

Until I explained to him that it was the Americans who made that movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."


He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.


They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."


She's there at 6:30 am. sharp ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful lady of the evening owns a penthouse on Lake Shore Drive. She’s entertaining a young man who is deciding what he’d like.

“So, how much would a reach-around set me back?”

The woman replies without hesitation, “Five-hundred dollars.”

The man is taken aback! “$500!”

The woman replies, “See this apartment? Handies paid for it!”

Convinced, the couple repair to the bedroom. A little later, they a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinaman and a Jew were drinking in a bar

when all of a sudden the Jew knocks the Chinaman out of his barstool

Chinaman: “What’s that for?!!”

Jew: “That’s for Pearl Harbor!!”

Chinaman: “That wasn’t us, that was the Japanese!” To which the Jew replies, “Chinese, Japanese, Siamese. they’re all the same!”

They put t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.

"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"

"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"

"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are in an elevator..

..As they ascend floors, the Jewish man turns to the Chinese man and blurts out "You know what.. I don't like Chinese people too much." Taken back, the Chinese man asks him why. "Because you guys were responsible for Pearl Harbor!" Shocked, the Chinese man responds "That was the Japanese.." The Jew ...

The attack on Pearl Harbor will always be the 2nd worst tragedy to happen on American soil on December 7th.

The first being my birth.

A Barge Carrying Vegetables Sinks In a Harbor...

The disaster report claimed the boat had too many leeks.

Two well endowed gentlemen needed to relieve themselves in a great hurry on a dark and rainy night

They were standing dockside so decided to pee into the harbor several feet below. Midstream, one turns to the other and says, waters cold tonight. The other replies, and deep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shipment of Viagra was stolen from new York harbor

The cops are on the lookout for hardened criminals

The greatest harbor on Earth can shelter not a single ship...

It is truly without pier.

On a scale of 1-10 how enthusiastically did Mitsubishi observe Pearl Harbor day?

Zero

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Asian man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Asian man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
...

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinaman and a Jew are in a racist argument...

A Chinaman and a Jew are in a racist argument when the Jew rears back and punches the Chinaman in the nose. The Chinaman says, "What was that for?"

The Jew responds, "That was for Pearl Harbor you son of a bitch."

The Chinaman looks confused and says, "Pearl Harbor was bombed by th...

If you live near the coast, the harbor is often the best place to go shopping.

They often have really good sails on boats.

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Hey England, you know what oday is?

“Where’s the T?”

“We threw it in the harbor, 244 years ago”

HAPPY FOURH OF JULY

Looking for the T?

It's in Boston Harbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

What do you call a scary hardware store?

Harbor Fright!

Irish joke

In recent news president Higgins has fallen into a coma after a ship carrying twinnings exploded in the Dublin harbor. Experts are unsure of the cause but some suggest it’s the Taoiseach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man and a Jew are talking

The Jew says "I still haven't forgiven your people for attacking Pearl Harbor."

To which the Chinese man replies, "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese you idiot!"

The Jew says "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"

Then the Chinese man says "You know, I haven't forgiven your...

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Why do the British consider the Americans as the most informal people on earth?

Because when the Americans hosted a tea party, it all went into harbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian captain and an American captain debate which country builds the best submarines...

They are standing at a harbor and they've been arguing for hours. The American says "Our subs have such efficient air filter systems that they can stay underwater for months at a time".

The Russian replies:"A few months? Laughsble. Our Russian subs have such advanced air filters that they ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American and Japanese engineer meet at an industry conference.

During an industry conference an American Engineer and a Japanese Engineer are assigned the same hotel room. After a few drinks they become competitive and place a bet. Whoever can build the best paper boat would have their tab covered by the other.

They both ask for a piece of paper and make...

The Bri ish are coming! The Bri ish are coming!

“Where’s the T?”
“In the harbor!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man and Spielberg.

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here!"
The astonished...

Some people from Britain call themselves "Bri-ish" because

After the incident in Boston Harbor they need to hide their T

My Son’s Class Did a Play for the Boston Tea Party.

His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he’d like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good Sport...

Bruce is driving over Harbor Bridge one day listening to some music in his car and just having a really great day. Suddenly he notices his girlfriend Sheila standing on the side of the bridge.
Bruce slams on the brakes, bolts out of the car and shouts, "Sheila! What the hell are you doing, babe...

How do Americans make their tea?

By throwing it in the harbor.

One night, a Boston police officer knocked on a woman's door.

"Ma'am", he said, removing his hat, "I'm here about your husband. We have bad and good news".

"Please, give me the bad news first", the woman replies.

The officer replied: "I'm sorry, but somone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor."

The woma...

Happy Fourh of July

"Hey England, Happy Fourh of July."

"Where's the T?"

"We threw it in the harbor."

Merica.

An Australian gets off the boat in 1930's dust bowl USA and wanders around the land a while.

The harbor master meets him at the shore and asked him...why are you here now?
Did you come here to die??
Naw mate... I came here yesterdie.

A student came to me and asked

"Is 200 zeroes a lot ?"


"depends on their position " I said "if they are after a decimal point, no"

"and if they are above pearl Pearl Harbor , then yes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look At These ...

A Chinese man is standing on a street corner waiting to cross.
An elderly Jewish man walks up to him, and to his face, exclaims: "Go to hell! Go to hell, for what you and you people did to the innocent people at Pearl Harbor!"
The Chinese guy, baffled, replies: "The Japanese bombed Pearl Harb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is sitting in a bar

The bartender sees that he’s upset and asks what’s wrong.

The man replies, “you see that wall over there, it took me 4 years to build that wall but no one calls me John the wall builder.

“You see that boat in the harbor? It took me 6 years to build that boat, but no one calls me John t...

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

Did you know that all of the boats in Norway have bar codes on the side?

So when the ships come to harbor they can Scandanavian.

Females in theNavy

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private OFF LIMITS area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man walks into a bar and sits right next to a Jewish man.

The Jewish man starts eyeing the Chinese man suspiciously, a dark expression covering his face. Suddenly, with no warning at all, he stands up, grabs the Chinese man by the neck, smashes his face against the bar and throws him to the floor.

The Chinese man, dazed and angry, stands up and con...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man and a Vietnamese man waiting in the doctor's office.

A Vietnamese man and a Jewish man are waiting in the Doctor’s office for an appointment and as the time goes on they become more and more irritated until finally the Jewish man says, “I hate you Vietnamese people!”.

Shocked, the Vietnamese man says, “What in the world would compel you to say ...

How do you protect yourself from gamma rays and x-rays?

You don't bomb pearl harbor.

An American is moving to Britain...

...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:

"Gououd mourni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese Guy And A Jewish Guy are in a bar (Racist)

After drinking for a while, the Jewish guy gets up and beats the shit out of the chinese guy.

Chinese guy: What dat faw?

Jewish Guy: That's For Pearl Harbor

Chinese Guy: Pearl Harbor? Dat Japanese. I chinese!

Jewish Guy: Chinese, japanese, same shit.

The two contin...

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.


“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”


The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

Have you heard about the woman who was fined $500 for bringing an apple back with her from France?

True story. She says she accidentally put the apple in her bag on the flight from Paris to Minneapolis and completely forgot about it until she was caught by a customs agent.

Apparently she was charged with harboring a Fuji-tive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy walks into a bar. The Chinese bartender asks him his name...

"I'm Max Goldberg", he says, "what's yours?"
"I'm Wei Zhang, it's nice to meet you."

Mr. Goldberg says, "I'll never forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor."
"I'm Chinese. That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, all the same to me."

Mr. Zhang says, "I'll never forgive ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chinese pilot and a jew copilot are flying together for the first time

Since the start of the flight, there was a strange feeling between them, so the chinese guy asks:

Chinese: Do you have a problem with me?

Jew: I sure do, i will never trust you chinese people after what you did to Pearl Harbor.

C: but those were the Japanese, not the chinese....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's in a name?

An American college student visits Ireland while traveling throughout Europe. He finds a quiet town and enters a pub. It's empty save for the bartender and an old man at the far end of the bar. The American student sits down and politely orders a Guinness.

The old man speaks loudly and unprom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World War 2

Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sails to visit a remote part on the coast of Ireland.

As he comes close to the harbor, he sees an enormous, absolutely gorgeous Barque, docked in its own reserved spot. He ogles it for a minute, before docking himself and running through his checklist of things to finish before he can leave his vessel.

He finishes, gets all his things, and goes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are sitting in a bar...

The Jewish guys looks at the Chinese guy, sizes him up, then socks him in the arm.

Chinese guy: "What the hell! What gives?"
Jewish guy: "That was for Peal Harbor"
Chinese guy: "That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese"
Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, same difference"

Offended, but...

True Story. So my grandpa, my father and I were out on a car ride to the beach when I was 11.

I always loved riding with my grandpa because he told all of his war stories from serving in WWII, and as a kid they were always cool to hear.

We stopped at a stop sign, and a car with 3 asian kids pulled up behind us ( maybe 18/19 year olds) and immediately started blaring the horn. My gran...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish Man Walks into a bar...

He sees a Chinese man sitting at the bar, walks up to him, and gives him a whack on the back of the head. The Chinese man stands up and yells, "Hey! What was that for?!" The racist jewish man tells him, "That's for Pearl Harbor!" The Chinese man is surprised and says angrily, "You're an idiot, I'm C...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man walks in to a bar

and sits down to have a drink. After a few drinks a Chinese man came in and sat next to him. The Jewish man immediately turned and punched the other man in the face.

The Chinese man shouted, "You fool! What was that for?" The Jewish man replied, "That's for Pearl Harbor." Chinese man said, "Y...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.