Tanks Jokes - 35 Hilarious Tanks Jokes

Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors?

So the drivers could see the battlefield.

Why doesn't America parade its new military hardware and tanks down main street like other countries?

Because they prefer to parade it down main street IN other countries.

Russian Tanks

"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "

"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."

Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.

Why do Russian tanks have rear view mirrors?

So they can watch the Ukrainian tractors gaining on them!

What should Ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks?

Ctrl-

Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks.

It was easier Z than done.

Why do Russians paint Z's on their tanks?

So they can say Ukrainians are not-Z's.

It’s great that Turkey is providing heavy armoured vehicles to Ukraine.

Everyone loves tanks giving turkey.

When Bitcoin tanks, do not sell in panic.

Let me be first.

Syrian tanks

So, my dad tells me that Syria is getting military tanks from Turkey. I asked if that was bad and he said no, everyone loves a tanks giving Turkey.

"Do you want to hear a joke about the Russian Victory Day parade?"

"No tanks."

Why does Russian tanks have Z sign?

Because most of the dead crews are below 20

Analysis of the tanks is as follows:

American tanks are more effective, however can be spotted easily due to the usage of Fortunate Son whenever a hatch opens.

However, Russian tanks are silent. This is not intentional, as they ran out of fuel.

French tanks have a speed faster in reverse than in forwards.

Similarly...

I finally figured what those Zs on the Russian tanks stand for.

It means "Zelensky's"

How do you get all those Russian tanks out from the mud?

Ukraine them out.

After 19 days of stealing Putin's tanks.

Ukrainian farmers are now the fifth largest military in Europe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old jews are talking in Odessa.

-What's the news?

-Have you not heard? There is a war!

-who is fighting?

-Russia says it is at war with NATO.

-How's is it going?

-70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing.

...

My son asked me, "Dad, what does the Z stand for on Russian tanks?"

"Well son", I said, "You've heard of Plan A and when that fails, you go to a Plan B?"

"They're on Plan Z already."

Meet Alexei, the hero who has destroyed over a dozen Russian tanks!

Alexei is the worst mechanic in the Russian army

Why don’t the lobsters in those tanks at restaurants and grocery stores ever greet us or ask us how we’re doing?

Because they’re shellfish.

How are French tanks unique?

They go faster in reverse than forward.

How do you remove all the Russian tanks stuck in the fields outside Kyiv?

Ukraine them out.

Fun fact: French tanks in WWII had rear-veiw mirrors.

This allows them to see the frontline too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

putin walks into a meeting with all his top generals and demands "How is my special operation against Ukraine and NATO Nazis going!?"

The generals all look at each other nervously

"Well...." demands putin "tell me now!!"

The top general stands and says "Well we have been fighting for 4 weeks. We have lost over 15,000 brave soldiers, 6 generals, over 500 tanks and fighting vehicles, 3 ships, 100 planes and drones and ...

Why were German tanks so feared in battle?

They didn’t always look reicht.

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill -

"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.

There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't trust septic tanks

They're full of shit

The new French tanks have 14 gears...

13 to go in reverse and 1 to go in forward in-case the enemy attacks from behind.

Orcas don’t belong in tanks

You need to teach them how to drive one responsibly first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Septic Tanks

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest th...

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989?

No tanks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two septic tanks are having a chat.

One says to the other, "You know, there's a whole world up there we can't see, with trees, clouds and sky, people and animals..."

The other one looks at him from the corner of his eye and replies, "Shut up! You're full of shit!"

[Modernized] Why do U.N. tanks have rear view mirrors?

To see the village they were supposed to protect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You decide to get some new water storage tanks for your house out in the countryside.

The plumber doing the installation, some guy called Terry, arrives hours late, completes the job way over schedule and overcharges you, so you give him the finger and pay him in one-cent coins (which you've saved for occasions like this). Terry says nothing and leaves, but unbeknownst to you, he fir...

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