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Girlfriend told me my tendency to take everything literally has led to her walking on eggshells around me

I told her that’s terrible for the carpet

I want to repaint my room a shade of white...

...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".

Where do bad eggs go when they die?


Sean Connery's doctor told him...

...that it wasn't healthy to keep eating entire eggs, shells and all. "Just give it up for 40 days in the spring, and I bet you'll feel better."

The actor took his advice, and returned after 40 days.

"How was it?" the doctor asked.

Sean Connery smiled. "Eggshell-Lent!"

I'm really scared to tell my wife to clean up after cooking breakfast...

I've been walking on eggshells all day.

I try so hard not to upset my vegan girlfriend.

I'm constantly treading on eggshells.

Which she also doesn't approve of.

The king's ego really took a hit when he couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

His men were walking on eggshells.

Whenever I confront the messy baker

I'm always walking on eggshells.

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