Sauced Jokes

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ... read more

After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss.

At the urinal next to him, there's a really short guy, wearing all green, with a top hat and a pipe. He takes a quick peek and sees the short guy has a huge dick.

Irish guy is drunk and decides to say, "I'd do anythi... read more

Curiosity peaked, he enters the bar and asks the bartender what's required to win the million.



"Ah, that?" The bartender casually replied, offering a challenging smirk. "It requires the completion of 3 tasks I believe to be impossible. It brought in a lot of business when I first put ... read more

Three men die on Christmas Day. They get to the pearly gates and St. Peter just feels awful. He says "Alright guys I hate you died on Christmas Day, so to make up for it, I'll let you right in if you have anything on you that has any Christmas symbolism." So the first man checks his pockets and pull... read more

A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. "Mr. Owner I am the greatest piano player in the world and you should give me a job." The Owner says "Well we need a pianist, tell you what play me a song and I'll see if you're any good." So the piano player starts to play the most fantastic song in t... read more