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Sadly Jokes

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

Sigh

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.

Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bru...

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so...

...the subreddit.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

A life-long atheist dies and is surprised to find himself before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter sadly shakes his head and tells him that because of his non-belief, he must be sent to Hell. The Devil greets him there and shows him where he will now spend eternity,

a lovely cozy cottage set on a beautiful hillside where the sweet smell of flowers fills the air. The Devil tells him he will want for nothing and to feel free to walk the grounds. One day, while he is out strolling through the idyllic gardens, he comes across a tall wall. Curious, he climbs one of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's my cake day! I present you with one of my favorite jokes. Sadly, it's not about cake

On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse s...

Sadly that shop didn’t have any small shiny discs either.

“Sorry”, said the cashier, “we don’t have any in stock.”

A lady went into an embroidery shop to buy some fancy beads for her dress.

So she tried another shop down the road.

Like this joke, the shops were all out of sequins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.

Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

Sadly, Maradonna has passed away

The plus side is God finally gets his hand back

I used to play violin in a string quartet. Sadly one of our musicians was on drugs.

So we've had to ban Jo.

My little brother won a goldfish at the local fair. Sadly, the next morning he was floating dead in his little pond.

So now I have to look after the fish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented the dildo sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected.

Only women came.

My Friend who was obsessed with the Monkees sadly passed away this week

So I sent his family Micky Dolenzes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too

Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head. Farmer yells , "You deserve it, you horny bastard!"

The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky and whispers , " Shhhhhh, They're about to land!!!"

My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.

Judge: I order you to pay $10,000

Mario: why?

Judge: it's a fine

Mario: [sadly] no itsa not

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

(Came up on my own :,))





Edit no. Unknown- Thank you for redditors who pointed out the mistakes in my post. Sadly, I can’t change the title. It is “Are” instead of “Is”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father gathers his three sons and tells them sadly

— Kids, in the night some asshole stole our cow.

Oldest son (OS): An asshole? He must be short.

Middle son (MS): Short guy? He must be from the next village.

Youngest son (YS): From the next village? Who else but Jimmy?

So the sons go to the next village and beat the shit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away

His wife is taking it really hard

I sadly just broke up with my girlfriend in Alabama

Despite how heartbreaking it was, she put her hand on mine and assured me that we can still be cousins.

UK comedian Bobby Ball has sadly passed away

David Beckham has been invited to read the eulogy. The family wanted a dead ball specialist

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come wi...

Have you heard about the Redditor who tried to become a fencer? Sadly he wasn't very good because he only knew one move:

The riposte.

A sad story of duty, conviction and love

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applican...

Sadly..

..some frogs have been known to Kermit suicide

The shoe factory burned down today. Sadly, there were no survivors.

Rest In Peace all those poor soles.

A sad day

A man walks sadly into a bar, and orders a stiff drink. "Bad day?" asks the bartender. "Horrible," the man says. "My best friend drowned this morning in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in."

So Sir Roger Moore has sadly died.

You could say he is in Double 0 Heaven now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
...

Sadly the inventor of the USB port died recently. . .

They are still trying to figure out which way to put his casket into the ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee. Sadly my buddy won her heart

But I got her leg

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

sadly none of them work.

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