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Firework Jokes

I can't believe people are celebrating the Fourth of July early and lighting off fireworks already.

One of my neighbor's fireworks landed in my yard and almost lit my Christmas decorations on fire.

My wife complained about the fireworks that went on until midnight on the 3rd, I told her it was just a little fourth-play.

This just happened and she looked over and told me it was the first actually funny thing I had said in a couple of years so I thought I would post it. I'm sure someone somewhere has said this before but damnit let me relish in this moment.


Bonus, before that the last funny thing I said w...

What Do You Call A Firework That Doesnt Work?

a fire-dont-work

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa can't be stand to be near fireworks because of his PTSD from the war...

One day I asked him about what happened and he let out a sigh and sat me down.

"It was 1951 in Korea, memorial day. I was stationed North of the parallel and it felt like today could finally be the one day we could relax and take a break from the war.

"The platoon spent the whole day ...

Firework jokes are just bad.

Most of the time it goes wooosh.

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,...

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery

He charged one and let the other one off

What is a pirate's favorite firework?

M-80.


Happy 4th of July!

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

You can take my fireworks from my cold dead fingers.

One is over there, another is there.

What do you call a firework that's not very impressive?

Ok boomer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

How do you know if you've bought good fireworks?

When the guy running the store gives you a high four.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexlife has become like fireworks!

\- Happens a few times a year
\- If it's too far, I'm not driving
\- Happens in a slightly uncomfortable pose
\- Somehow, it used to be a lot more fun
\- I can't be bothered filming anymore

I told my wife that she’s like a firework

Explosive, distracting, and can put you in hospital if you get to close.

Why are fireworks so cool?

It’s cause they’re lit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fireworks are like sex

Some people watch it

Weirdos video tape it

And some people furiously masturbate to it

A guy from Jersey bought a search engine and some fireworks.

He bought-a-bing and bought-a-boom

I will have to do some research on fireworks

to know which one will give me bang for the buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lighting a firework inside of a porter potty is the most patriotic thing anyone can do.

Because in America, our history is simple: *we blow shit up.*

Fireworks have been really popular in 2020.

Sales have skyrocketed.

Paddy's firework party was a complete disaster.

"I don't understand it!" He said. "They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday,"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A thalidomide victim has been badly injured by a firework...

He followed the instructions precisely - "Light fuse and hold at arms length".

Nearly blew his fucking head off!

Did you hear about the firework that wouldn’t explode?

It refused

A police officer came across a pair of boys eating fireworks and batteries

He decided to charge one and let the other off

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

As much as I love fireworks there is a problem.

I just blow through them

I was unfairly dismissed today from my job as a fireworks coordinator

It was bang out of order.

My grandmother's favorite joke

A priest dies and arrives in heaven. Here, a couple of angels greet him, shake his hand, and welcome him.

A few moments later, a drunken Peruvian bus driver appears. He is welcomed with a celebration, fireworks, and God himself comes to welcome him.

At this point, the priest, somewhat...

Steps to take the best fireworks video!

Step 1:

Reconsider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fireworks remind me of sex..

I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watched a great fireworks show tonight

Through the phone of the asshole in front of me.

Q: What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks?





**A : Firequackers.**

What did the lightning say to the fireworks?

Hey! You stole my thunder.

Credit to my nine year old daughter on the 4th

I can’t believe people are letting fireworks off in October!

It’s scared the dog so badly he’s knocked the Christmas tree over.

Too Early.

Fireworks being let off already, I think it's bloody ridiculous.

Far too early, my cat was so scared he ran up our Christmas tree..

How are women similar to fireworks?

They're fun to watch from a distance, dangerous up close, and can be ignited by the smallest spark.

A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks

He charges the first boy and lets the other off.

Last 4th I remember watching the fireworks on the TV

In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best place to light them

little Johnny's father gives him $50 to buy some fireworks for new year

When he returns, they try a couple but none of them worked

"Johnny, where did you get these fireworks? None of them work"

"Strange, when I was on my way back, I tried them all and they worked just fine"

July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun.

On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ate a bad burrito yesterday and went to bed early, woke up to use the bathroom and heard fireworks. Looked at the time and it was midnight.

What a shitty way to start the New Year. (True story)

What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?

DINO-MITE!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophile, a masochist and an arsonist get together

They're all bored out of their minds in their little apartment when a cat appears on the window.

The zoophile looks at it lustfully and says "I'm gonna hit that cat senseless and fuck it"

The arsonist gets excited and shouts "hell yeah!! And when you're done I can stick a firework up i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife… that if we start having sex by the time they start the New Year’s Eve countdown

We’ll still have time to go see the fireworks

Just a friendly 4th of July reminder

That absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone

TIL that if you plug your amp into a 12" instead of your 8", you get fireworks.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

Gentrification on a holiday...

... is this a firework or a gun shot?

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.

Just like the children of Kabul.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Rabbi who made his own fireworks? He called them

Mazel Tov Cocktails

^(I am **so** sorry)

^^I'll ^^see ^^myself ^^out.

She was a damn fine car.

When I was young we had gotten a new car, and I loved that car. I loved sitting in the back seat, I loved sitting in the front seat. I loved getting to wash it, and go on road trips in it. I even named her, I called her Betsy.
We bought Betsy on the 4th of July, and every year I thought everyone...

What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?

The wrong firework.

Little Peter

Came in to class one day with burns all over his face.
The teacher asked him what happend.
"Well i bought a crate of fireworks and..."

"There you have it kids, fireworks are a real danger" the teacher interupted
"Thats exactly what my father said as he threw it into the firepl...

Two men stand before a court.

One has stolen a set of batteries, the other nicked a firework and exploded it in his backyard.

The first man was charged, the other one was let off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 friends are hanging out

They’re recalling all the mischief they got into in school. The first one says i used smoke in the bathroom. The second one goes, well I lit off fireworks in class. The third one says that’s nothing, I rode my motorcycle through the hallways. The last one says, I’ve got you all beat, the principle c...

To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!

Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.

Is New years but your ....

Not sure if the explosion's out side the window are fireworks or nukes going off

Miss Annie was teaching Sunday school to a group of first graders.

She explained that Easter would come soon, and asked if anyone knew which holiday Easter was.

Little Suzie asked, “Is that the holiday where we get a tree, and everyone gets presents?”

Miss Annie said, “No that is Christmas.”

Little Billy asked, “Is that the holiday where we hav...

My humor is so dry...

I'm legitimately worried about stray fireworks this weekend.

I know many people have been appalled by reopen protestors risking public health for questionable reasoning. But, just remember 2-3% of em’ will be dead in the next few months anyway....

....not from Coronavirus but from fireworks accidents and ATV rollovers

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three married women are having a "girls only" night out

**NOTE: I'm TRYING TO TRANSLATE THIS JOKE FROM MY LANGUAGE TO ENGLISH HOPE IT TRANSLATES WELL AND SORRY FOR BAD GRAMMAR**

They are enjoying a lovely evening talking about their lives as they usually do every week when they meet up, one of them is particularly excited and fails to hide her exc...

A new emerging rock band is having its first concert

To be sure that everything goes perfectly the group's manager decides to invite a well known concert critic: If he decided to come and the concert went well, that would've been their occasion to take off in the world of music

Incredibly the critic accepts their offering and is present in his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

Little Johnny was late into class one morning & the teacher asked "And what have you been doing to be so late Johnny?"

"I've been shoving fireworks in the arse of frogs miss!"

"Johnny, it's rectum"

"To right it wrecked-em!"

What do baseball pitchers and TSA agents have in common?

Fireworks go off in the sky if they do their job incorrectly.

Why do people use fire during new year

Because fireworks

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