Getting my drone stuck in a tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

Sure, you could teach me how to fly a drone

But I think it would just go over my head

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had to contact amazon, my sex toy wasnt delivered by drone.

They said they dont give a flying fuck.

What did SpaceX's grass smell like after the drones finished mowing it?

It had an E-Lawn Musk

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

that you do not talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.

Why are drone pilots considered snobs?

Because they look down on everyone.

Did you hear about the shop that sells sentient drones?

They're flying off the shelves

The military described the drone strike as "surgical"

This was accurate. It was bloody, it was invasive, and they washed their hands afterwards.

A joke from my country (Brazil)

In an international police convention, American FBI, English Scotland Yard and Brazilian BOPE are about to take part in a competition.

A rabbit will be set loose in the woods and the team that retrieves it in the shortest time wins.

First goes the Scotland Yard. They use hounds and hel...

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.

They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

What do you call a drone that looks exactly the same when you turn it around 180°?

A palindrone

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?

They're Ariel photographers

Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?

They call them the LuftWaffles

What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o’clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says “I bet you $100 he does it.” Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...

A few minutes later, bartender comes back. “I’m sorry man, I can’t t...

Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone.

It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.

My dad bought a $1,400 drone the other day.

He said to me, "If this thing crashes, you'll see a *drone* man cry."

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brave and fearsome pirate captain approached an uncharted island, searching for treasure.

His crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. They came upon a large forest and began searching desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he gasped and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead. The capta...

Amazon say drones will be making deliveries in ‘months’

So much for next day delivery

"Mr. President, four Brazilian soldiers were killed during our last drone attack. "

"This is yuge, let's get Sean out there to tell everyone how we are making the world great again... wait how many is a Brazilian?"

A man was demonstrating a new type of drone to the military.

He was the project tech and was showing them how you could give it coordinates and an image of the objective and off it would go. Multiple options existed for the target - identify, pick up and bring back small packages, or deliver packages to soldiers in the field.

For some reason his boss n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was disappointed when they asked me if I knew how to fly a drone..

They wanted contraband, I thought they wanted nudes.

I wrote a book about criminals who just drone on and on about things.

It's called "prose and cons"

I was recently the victim of a drone attack.

I forgot to wear my beekeepers veil.

A drone with a screen showing random changing numbers was flying toward me.

It struck me as odd.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

Whoever has been flying that drone over Gatwick sure will be...

...Grounded

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

What do aerial shots and Palestinian children have in common

They're both shot by drone

Little Johnny's school is having a day where they honor the military, and Johnny's class is going through a worksheet.

They go through the answers to the final question,

"What are things that a teacher and a soilder can say?"

The teacher picks Caitlyn first for an answer.

Caitlyn says, "Today, we are going to learn how to fly drones!"

The teacher responds, "Excellent! Drones allow soldie...

The drone on Mars ran over a feline organism.

That's right - Curiosity killed the cat

Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone.

What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out “I am the rabbit! And I surrender”

The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

Donald Trump says US should let China keep seized underwater drone

oops wrong sub

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.

He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.

After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you ...

Trump was cleaning his gun in Trump Tower...

Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: "Why do you have a gun?"

Trump: "Obama Spy Drones"

Kellyanne: \*laughs\*

Trump: \*laughs\*

Microwave: \*laughs\*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

What's the difference between a war drone and a commercial plane?

I dunno man, I just operate the missiles

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

The moment USA used drones in middle east

They were spawn killing the terrorists

What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

What's all this nonsense about nothing flying at Gatwick airport.

My drone's been flying about there all morning no problem.

Bob the Sailor & Ollie the Octopus walk into a bar...

Bob the sailor walks into a bar carrying a large octopus. He announces to the bar that this octopus can not only talk, but he has a very unique talent which he will share with the crowd for $50 a turn.

Bartender says "There's no way that octopus can talk."

"Sure he can. Ollie, tell the...

What's the difference between a drone and an aircraft with 283 passengers on board?

You don't start a war when an aircraft with 283 passengers is shot down.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

I showed some Syrian kids my new drone today.

They were all blown away by it.

Where does an Afghan boy go during a drone strike?

Everywhere.

The US government wants to test how good some of its instituions are at tracking down someone...

So they release a marked rabbit into a forest and task the CIA, the FBI and the police with finding it.

The CIA goes first. They try sattelite imagery, informants, drones, everything they can, but after six months they give up, saying that they can't find the rabbit.

Next goes the FBI....

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Why did the military name it's new drone system "Caitlyn Jenner"?

Because it's unmanned

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America: "It's terrifying so many of us are dying to something we can't even see."

The Middle East: "We fucking know"

The drone pilot: “lol"

The Law Enforcement Test

The President wants to know which of the enforcement agencies is the best at convicting criminals so he sets a test for the CIA, FBI and LAPD. He releases a rabbit into the forest and asks them to apprehend it.

The CIA go in first, using drones to scan the trees, paying the other animals for ...

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

Two brother sit under the christmas tree....

One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.

The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.

The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!

The other, calmly playi...

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

What the difference between a government building and a children’s hospital?

Don’t ask me, I just fly the drones.

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

How can you distinguish between a hospital and a military base?

Frankly I'm not sure - I'm just a drone pilot.

What's the difference between a weapons factory and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me buddy. I just fly the drone.

All flight have been suspended for a second time this evening,

come one now, this is starting to drone on and on .

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

I hate it when..

I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,

My white friend in snow,

My Chinese friend in sand,

And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.

Dave walks into a bar and sees President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at a table, deep in discussion.

He doesn’t want to interrupt, but they see him, invite him over and they soon get to talking.

“We’re on track to bomb the Middle East,” excitedly claims the President. “We’re going to reduce those towelheads to a shadow of their former numbers. We’re going to kill 3 million Syrians, 4 millio...

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