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Drone Jokes

Getting my drone stuck in a tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

My friend's drone business closed down recently.

I heard it didn't really take off.

Sure, you could teach me how to fly a drone

But I think it would just go over my head

Why are drone pilots considered snobs?

Because they look down on everyone.

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?

They're Ariel photographers

Did you hear about the shop that sells sentient drones?

They're flying off the shelves

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

My dad bought a $1,400 drone the other day.

He said to me, "If this thing crashes, you'll see a *drone* man cry."

Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?

They call them the LuftWaffles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had to contact amazon, my sex toy wasnt delivered by drone.

They said they dont give a flying fuck.

What do you call a drone that looks exactly the same when you turn it around 180°?

A palindrone

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business.

They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.

Amazon say drones will be making deliveries in ‘months’

So much for next day delivery

What do you call it when the police shoot down your cocaine drone?

A crackdown

What's the product name if Apple started making drones?

iSoar

(inspired by ImpulseSV)

It's St Peter's day off and Jesus is manning the Pearly Gates...

When an old man arrives seeking admission. Jesus starts running through the application form.

"Name?" says Jesus in bored tone of voice.

"Joseph." The old man replies.

"Occupation?" Jesus drone on.

"Carpenter." Jesus looks up a little surprised but he continues.

"C...

Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone.

It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.

A joke from my country (Brazil)

In an international police convention, American FBI, English Scotland Yard and Brazilian BOPE are about to take part in a competition.

A rabbit will be set loose in the woods and the team that retrieves it in the shortest time wins.

First goes the Scotland Yard. They use hounds and hel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

putin walks into a meeting with all his top generals and demands "How is my special operation against Ukraine and NATO Nazis going!?"

The generals all look at each other nervously

"Well...." demands putin "tell me now!!"

The top general stands and says "Well we have been fighting for 4 weeks. We have lost over 15,000 brave soldiers, 6 generals, over 500 tanks and fighting vehicles, 3 ships, 100 planes and drones and ...

A man was demonstrating a new type of drone to the military.

He was the project tech and was showing them how you could give it coordinates and an image of the objective and off it would go. Multiple options existed for the target - identify, pick up and bring back small packages, or deliver packages to soldiers in the field.

For some reason his boss n...

Whoever has been flying that drone over Gatwick sure will be...

...Grounded

New Drone

Today I bought a new drone.

What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

The Chinese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drones.

Not only will they be used in Recon and Combat missions but they will have the ability to drop vital equipment onto the battlefield.

They will have the element of supplies.

The drone on Mars ran over a feline organism.

That's right - Curiosity killed the cat

Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

The military described the drone strike as "surgical"

This was accurate. It was bloody, it was invasive, and they washed their hands afterwards.

I was recently the victim of a drone attack.

I forgot to wear my beekeepers veil.

"Mr. President, four Brazilian soldiers were killed during our last drone attack. "

"This is yuge, let's get Sean out there to tell everyone how we are making the world great again... wait how many is a Brazilian?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hotshot

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.

The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
...

What's all this nonsense about nothing flying at Gatwick airport.

My drone's been flying about there all morning no problem.

What's the difference between a Taliban training facility and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone

The moment USA used drones in middle east

They were spawn killing the terrorists

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

Trump was cleaning his gun in Trump Tower...

Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: "Why do you have a gun?"

Trump: "Obama Spy Drones"

Kellyanne: \*laughs\*

Trump: \*laughs\*

Microwave: \*laughs\*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

What's the difference between a war drone and a commercial plane?

I dunno man, I just operate the missiles

Where does an Afghan boy go during a drone strike?

Everywhere.

I showed some Syrian kids my new drone today.

They were all blown away by it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was disappointed when they asked me if I knew how to fly a drone..

They wanted contraband, I thought they wanted nudes.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

that you do not talk, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, prattle, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, converse, discourse, orate or speak about Thesaurus Club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brave and fearsome pirate sailed toward a small island, in search for buried treasure. He and his crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. When they shortly came upon a large forest, they searched desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he stopped suddenly and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead.

The captain gasped.

"...Carol??"

"Hey, loser," she droned, relieving herself between two pines. "I see you're still looking for buried treasure like a c...

A comment following the video of two different camera views of the guy falling off that drone motorcycle thing reminded me of this oldie but goodie: a guy walks into a bar....

....sits down, orders a beer, and is watching the 5 o’clock news: footage of a guy about to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bartender says “I bet you $100 he does it.” Guy takes the bet, and not long after has to pay up...

A few minutes later, bartender comes back. “I’m sorry man, I can’t t...

Little Johnny's school is having a day where they honor the military, and Johnny's class is going through a worksheet.

They go through the answers to the final question,

"What are things that a teacher and a soilder can say?"

The teacher picks Caitlyn first for an answer.

Caitlyn says, "Today, we are going to learn how to fly drones!"

The teacher responds, "Excellent! Drones allow soldie...

Donald Trump says US should let China keep seized underwater drone

oops wrong sub

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out “I am the rabbit! And I surrender”

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.

He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.

After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you ...

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Why did the military name it's new drone system "Caitlyn Jenner"?

Because it's unmanned

Jeff Bezos is just a bad Santa.

He has drones, our addresses and our wishlist, yet he refuses to do his duty.

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".

He is my **pal** n **drone**.

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

What do you call a priest that flies

A predator drone.

Two brother sit under the christmas tree....

One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.

The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.

The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!

The other, calmly playi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America: "It's terrifying so many of us are dying to something we can't even see."

The Middle East: "We fucking know"

The drone pilot: “lol"

All flight have been suspended for a second time this evening,

come one now, this is starting to drone on and on .

What do aerial shots and Palestinian children have in common

They're both shot by drone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking newsreaders obsessed with Gatwick airport, blah blah

Just drone on and on

The US government wants to test how good some of its instituions are at tracking down someone...

So they release a marked rabbit into a forest and task the CIA, the FBI and the police with finding it.

The CIA goes first. They try sattelite imagery, informants, drones, everything they can, but after six months they give up, saying that they can't find the rabbit.

Next goes the FBI....

I hate it when..

I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,

My white friend in snow,

My Chinese friend in sand,

And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.

How can you distinguish between a hospital and a military base?

Frankly I'm not sure - I'm just a drone pilot.

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