what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

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Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

You don't know?

soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

A roast beef walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Hey! Get the hell out of here! We don't serve food here"

Started my first job two months ago: low paying job but with good potential for growth. I’m yet to pay my student loan

During the job interview, my boss said I spend to much time thinking before I answered the questions, so they have doubts with my sincerity. Nevertheless, he said he saw my potential and picked me.

The board was going to meet today to discuss about an impending merger. My boss asked me to co...

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Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the han...

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Arthritis Thumbs

*This is a story a co-worker told me.*

A man walks into a diner, he orders Roast Beef with mashed potatoes and gravy.

*The worker there walks out with his thumb in the mashed potatoes.*



Customer: Why's your thumb in the Gravy?

Worker: Oh, I'm sorry, would you like...

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

Midnight Snack

An old man went downstairs one night to find his wife grabbing a midnight snack from the fridge.

Well one thing led to another and the couple started getting frisky. They closed the door to the fridge which left them in complete darkness.

The old man tells his wife to get on the tabl...

So this British couple adopt a German baby...

... and as it grows from a babe-in-arms, to a toddler, it never makes a sound.

As the child grows into a young boy, he stays silent and it gets to the point where his adopted parents are really worried.

As the boy gets older, he still never says a word.

Then one day, the family ...

This one takes some thinking.

A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club. It’s an unusual setup: People have to wait in separate lines for each type of food.

As his date sits down, the guy volunteers to go get their dinner. First he waits in the line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for potat...

Guy goes into a deli

He looks over the menu:

Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250

He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"

"I do!" She says with a smile!

"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"

Three workers were having lunch on a bridge

They were each discussing what they had for lunch. Sam had a ham and cheese sandwich: “Man if my wife packs ham and cheese one more time this week I am jumping off this bridge. Tony had roast beef: “Me too man, I’m sick of roast beef. If I get this one more time this month I’m jumping off.” Carl had...

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.

I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

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As the limousine stops, twenty beautiful models step out

followed by this very well dressed man carrying a rooster. They enter the restaurant, and sit at the large reserved table. When the waiter arrives, the man orders: "I would like to start with some Beluga caviar for me and the ladies, and triple portion for the rooster. Then we will proceed to have l...

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A woman is talking to her friend on the phone...

“So... I found out my son, Hershel has got the AIDS.”

“Oh my god! What are you going to do about it?”

“Well, this morning for breakfast, I gave him some matzo bread with a slice of cheese on it.”

“Uh huh.”

The for lunch, I gave him some matzo bread with some peanut bu...

A wife came home one day

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed, naked, with a much younger and far more attractive woman. Just as his wife was about to storm out of the house, he stopped her: "honey, before you leave, please let me explain." The wife stopped to listen.
...

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Drunk guy

A drunk walks into a bar and takes a seat. Looking down, he sees three darts laying across the bar top.
"Hey, bartender!" The drunk slurs. "Whas with th- these darts?"
"Oh", the bartender says. "It's a new promotion we're running. Whoever gets three bullseye's in a row, gets a free prize."...

A drunk walks into a pet store

. . . and leans heavily on the counter. "Gimmie a shot of Jim Beam," he slurs to the clerk.

"I, I'm sorry, sir," says the clerk, "you must be mistaken. This is a--"

"Goddamnit, I wanna (hic) drink, you can't tell me what mzmblrf kn izzenuf!" shouts the drunk, slamming his fist on the ...

Guy at a sandwich shop (slightly NSFW)

A man driving down HWY 10 starts feeling hungry, when low & behold he sees a sandwich shop, so he pulls off to the side, and walks in. Upon entering he browses the menu: Steak Sandwich, Chicken Sandwich, Roast Beef Sandwich, and Handjobs. He looks behind the counter and the woman making sandwich...

There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...

Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?

I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from ...

A Guy Walks into a Sandwich Shop

A guy walks into a sandwich shop on his lunch hour. There is no one behind the counter, so he has a bit more time than normal to look at the menu board. Trying to decide what he wants, he reads down the list:

Salami : $5
Roast beef: $4.50
Ham on Rye: $4.50
Hand Jobs: $5

Wait,...

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