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Ripper Jokes

What do Dora The Explorer and Jack The Ripper have incommon

Same middle name

Why couldn’t the police catch Jack the Ripper?

Because they were a rock band and not detectives.

Why did Jack the Ripper stop killing people?

He was taking a stabbatical.

Which Historical Figure do you not want a colonoscopy from?

Jack the Ripper

If Jack the Ripper was...

...transported to current times and wanted a fast food meal before carrying on his dasterdly deeds in our time what might an appropriate dining establishment be called?




Chick-fil-A

Jack The Ripper once auditioned for a men's music group.

Apparently, he wasn't the sort of Backstreet Boy they were after.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack the Ripper's reasons for killing hookers was pretty understandable.

They wouldn't accept him into their ranks as Jack the Stripper.

Someone once asked me how I'd feel if I was a victim of Jack the Ripper.

I told them that I'd probably feel quite gutted.

Jack the Ripper goes to the Dr. with a stabbing pain...

Dr says, "Tell me more".

Jack says " My whole shoulder is sore".

Jack the Ripper and a lovely young lady were taking a stroll through the woods together...

as it started getting darker, the lady got closer to Jack the Ripper and said, "Stay close to me, I'm scared of the dark!" Jack replied, "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk home alone!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time

Unfortunately she was dealing with a severely upset stomach. As they were seated around the dinner table she had to try and release some of the crippling pressure, and decided to let out a little gas quietly. Her "little" fart resulted in a squeak audible enough that everyone at the table heard. The...

What is one thing you can ask both Jack the Ripper and a man who is speed dating?

'What do you look for in a woman??

Strangely, my son farts a lot whenever it's Halloween.

That's why he always dresses up as Jack the Ripper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A older husband and wife are laying in bed...

...when the husband lets go a fart, and the wife says what was that?

the husband says that was a touchdown, 7-0.

about 5 minutes later the wife also lets a fart go and says its 7-7.

then a short while passes and the husband lets another ripper go and says its 14-7.

then t...

It is important to remember that we are all the same on the inside

quote from Jack the Ripper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pro-life activists call a chronic masturbator?

Jack-off the Ripper.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

What do you call a sociopathic Englishman with flatulence?

Jack the Ripper

What's Tim Cook's new nickname?

Jack The Ripper

Girl can I get your digits?

Jack the Ripper was a quite a pickup artist.

"Let's go through it bit by bit"

Said Jack the Ripper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple were lying in bed...

...getting ready to go to sleep. All of a sudden the man lets out a huge fart, and says "I'm winning!"

His wife says "what are you talking about?" He tells her, "It's a game. Fart football. I just scored a touchdown. I'm winning!"

Not to be outdone, the lady lets out a cheek-ripper her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Duke!

A guy invites his Gf to meet his parents
During dinner she has gas but a stroke
Of good luck has put the family dog directly at her feet.
So without delay she let's out a loud squeak.
"Duke." The father says in a stern voice.
Feeling relieved, she decides to let the rest out and be ...

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