A zebra dies and goes to heaven

He meets Saint Peter at the Parley Gates and asks him.

"Saint, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Saint Peter was puzzled and told the Zebra he didn't know but once he was in heaven, the Zebra should ask God.

The next day, the Zebra saw God and asked h...

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

There's usually workers at supermarkets who temperature probe incoming deliveries

It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.

They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono

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NSFW NSFL A dude want to grow a big one

While visiting a nude sauna, man#1 notices another man with probe down to his knees. Amazed and shocked, decided to ask or advice.

How did you get it so long?
Well... you tie a 5lbs weight to it and wait a week.

In a week there is no improvement. Dude decides to tie a 5 gallon buck...

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I have a feeling that quite a few people are getting "probed" over at Area 51 this weekend.

And its not by aliens.

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

The Nasa Parker Solar probe will be 4 million miles away from the sun

Due to the high temperatures it will have to operate at night.

Did you hear that Donald sent Melania to find out about the Mueller probe?

She came back and told him it's at least eight inches.

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The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet...

"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing.

"One in six of them likes it."

Three guys are talking, the first guy says "I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn."

And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." And the third guy says, "I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."

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NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system, but quit after Uranus

They found it to be a shithole.

This week a team at NASA announced a mission to land a probe on the sun

To avoid the extreme heat of the sun, they explained, the probe will land at night.

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How many astronauts have probed Uranus?

Zero... there's too much gas.

THANK YOU ALL AND GOODNIGHT!

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NASA sends probe to Uranus

people everywhere giggle

At the doctor's office.

A man was not feeling well so he went to see his doctor.

The doctor probes him, takes blood samples and sends them to the lab then sends the man to X-ray and for a CAT scan, then uses the MRI equipment and all the high tech medical diagnostic equipment the office has to find out what is wrong...

I got probed by an alien last night

Its true what they say, Mexicans do work good with their hands

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A Proctologist goes to a bank

to make a withdrawal. The teller observes the man whip out a probe and try to write with it . The teller laughs hysterically, "Sir, you can't write with that!".
The Proctologist looks at the probe, and replies "Well shit, I guess some asshole's got my pen!"

Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

A Russian meets his friend. He says, "Dima, my friend, you look so grim, what's the matter?"

"You see, Petya, every night my wife keeps having dreams where she's seeing Putin" says Dima.

"So?" says Petya.

Dima replies, "Yesterday I yelled at her and told her to stop seeing him."

"What happened next?" probes Petya.

And Dima replies, "Last night, I had a dream wher...

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

New Earring

John is at work one day when he notices that his
co-worker, Zach, is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion".

"Hey Zach" he yells out "I didn't know you were into earrings."

...

Erotica and then some

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
<...

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Uranus ( long )

Originally from Buck Buchanan 9 i just had to share) let the Uranus jokes come forth.............anyway....

“It's my understanding that the first six probes were recklessly plunged into Uranus at such excessively high speeds these early attempts only produced massively dense clouds of methane...

Three men go into a bar

They all start bragging about what kind of cars they have. The first man says, “I think I have the coolest car, because I am a horse racer and I have a Mustang.” The second man says “That’s cool, but mine is cooler. I’m an astronaut and I have a Mercury.” They both laugh and turn to the third man, w...

A girl had taken singing lessons from a famous teacher.

He was present at her recital, and after it was over she was anxious to know his reaction.

He didn't come back to congratulate her, and so she asked a friend, "What did he say?"

Her loyal friend answered, "He said that you sang heavenly."

She couldn't quite believe that her tea...

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

Good Kid!

A father had a rather dim-witted son. One day, the son came home from school. His father asked him, "How was school, son?" His son replied, "Great dad! My teacher asked a question, and only I could answer!" His father was overjoyed. He probed, "Good kid! What was the question?"

His son repli...

After drifting through empty space for almost 50 years, what is Pioneer 9's favorite cheese?

*probe-alone*

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What's worse than a satellite around Saturn?

A probe in Uranus.

Reason for Divorce

The other day at work I ran into Tom.

We chatted over lunch and he dropped a bombshell on me.

"Rodney," he said, "Becky and I are going to get a divorce."

I was stunned.

"Why?

What happened, you two seem so happy together."

"Well," he said, "ever since...

94 Days

A group of U-Dinks were celebrating in a bar. "94 days!" they hooted,
"94 days!!!" They continued all through the night, slapping each
other on the back and drinking everything in sight. "94 days!!!"

The bartender was pleased with the increase in sales but puzzled by
the meaning of...

There are two lunatics in a mental asylum...

So, there's two lunatics in a lunatic asylum and they're both due to have assessments to be released. They decide to make a pact that the first person who goes in to see the doctor will tell the other one the answers to the questions.

So the first one goes in to see the doctor and the doctor ...

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(NSFW) A woman goes to her gynecologist for an examination.

The gyn is examining her vagina and thinks to himself this is the most beautiful vagina he's ever seen.

He tells her he has to probe deeper and will need to numb her. She, of course, agrees.

He begins licking her vagina and says, "Num, num, num."

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?

He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

A husband and wife...

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you’ve been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It’s my husband -- he’s driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!" "How doe...

The world unites

A Geordie bloke is stood outside his house and he sees a bloke from the next road over coming down his street "OY! What are you doing in MY street?".

Before the second man can respond another bloke from Middlesbrough appears at the other end of the street "OY!", they both shout, "what are yo...

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