The three orders of classical columns are Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian. Sometimes Ionic is called Ionian.

I guess it's a less charged word.

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine shut off and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I g...

Why was the null column condemned by the church?

Because it didn't have any values.

A friend just called me to tell me he has changed his name to 'Spinal Column'.

I asked if I could call him Back.

The reason men aren't allowed to run advice in "Love Columns" in magazines and newspapers..

Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about two miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another ca...

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A man writes to an advice column

I really need some advice, i just don't know what to do.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are there, the phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with “the girls” a lot recently, although when I ask t...

Ladder to Success

A man falls asleep one night with depressing thoughts of his failures in life; never has he been able to provide for his family what he wants them to have. He wakes up the next morning on the floor of a room with only a white painted ceiling and floor. No walls. Just clouds as far as he can see. In ...

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Soviet Joke about Jews.

Little Jewish boy Moishe comes home, walks up to his mother, and says:

“Mom, mom, I wrote at school today in the column “Nationality" that I’m Russian! “Son, what do you eat for lunch every day?” - "Chicken!" - "And now you will eat potatoes, like all Russian children."

Moishe becomes ...

What’s black and slides down Nelson’s column?

Winnie Mandela.

A man is in Iraq and sees a fancy antique lamp for sale in shop.

The shop owner assured the man that if he rubbed the lamp a genie would appear and he would get 3 wishes.

The man spent many days planning for his three wishes and finally rubbed the lamp.

When the genie appeared the man exclaimed in wonder. It was true! "For my first wish....."
<...

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Jesus and Satan are having a competition...

... to see who is the better Excel user. God is the judge.

Satan is killing it. He has pivot tables, graphs, macros. Jesus is doing ok - he has a few columns of data, some basic graphs and some formulae.

The time is nearing the 2hour time limit and suddenly the power goes off. Satan is...

Leaving for the Crusades...

*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my ...

Dad and his son are sitting on the front porch.

Meanwhile a column of cars are passing by and honking their horns.
"Dad why are they honking their horns?" asked the son.
"They are going to a wedding" responds the father
"But in school we learned that horns should be used only as a warning"
"Exactly..."

Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:

Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...

What's the best way to get a Roman architect started on building your house?

Column

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One question

The Mayor of London, England was very much worried about a plague of pigeons in the city centre. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of London was full of pigeon poop, the people of London could not walk on the pavements or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the stre...

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Mr Smith's back pain.

A man (let's call him Mr Smith) goes to the doctor with terrible back pain. It's keeping him up every night and leaving him in tears during the day. The doc runs some tests and breaks the bad news,
"Well Mr Smith, we've found the source of your problem. You see, your testicles are pressing agains...

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The new suit

There is a man who is afflicted with the most terrible excruciating headaches, every minute of every day for the last 15 years of his life. he goes from doctor to doctor but none can diagnose his condition or provide any lasting treatment. but he doesnt give up hope and one day finally comes across ...

A priest and a math teacher...

die and go to heaven at the same time. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates, and then shows them to their accommodations. He brings the math teacher to a luxurious mansion, with a hedge maze, marble columns, and a fountain. The priest thinks to himself, "If the math teacher gets this, imagine w...

What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?

I'll column later.

The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore throat, an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.

"This is quite soothing,” the woman said, "but please don’t tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."

"I understand," replied the good man.

...

Why was Noah the best businessman?

He floated his stock while the rest of the world was in liquidation.

The greatest journalist? Samson. He took two columns and made an impression on everyone.

i talked to your wife...

a guy goes to his rabbi, and says, "I think my wife is trying to poison me. What do I do?"

The rabbi says, "Let me talk to her. Don't worry."

A week later, the rabbi contacts the man. "I spoke to your wife for more than 3 hours...take the poison."

[credit to dinner party down...