Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That’s when I went to Yale...

Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this yob.

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The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

Interviewer: Do you have any question about the job that you are applying for?

Applicant: How much is the salary?

Interviewer: Initially $40,000. Later it could go up to $80,000

Applicant: I will start later then.

Interviewer : What's your biggest strength?

Me : I'm good at Machine Learning

Interviewer : Okay, what's 21+17

Me : It's 5

Interviewer : Not even close. It's 38

Me : It's 20

Interviewer : I said it's 38

Me : It's 35

Interviewer : It's still 38....

Me : It's 38

Interviewer : Hired!

Interviewer: Why should we hire you?

Me: I have many hidden talents

Interviewer: Like??

Me: I don’t know, they’re all hidden.

Interviewer: So what are your strengths and weaknesses. Me: I have a decent sense of humor but my General Knowledge is not so good.

Interviewer: Ok, then tell us a joke.

Me: Knock Knock.

Interviewer: Who?

Me: 2nd US President.

Interviewer: 2nd US President who?

Me: Like I said, my General knowledge isn't good.

I was applying for citizenship in Australia, and the interviewer asked, "Do you have a criminal background".

I replied, "No, is that still a requirement".

Interviewer: Can you perform Under pressure?

No, but Bohemian Rhapsody I can.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman go for a interview to join the Royal marines. As a test, the interviewer says to the Englishman "Here's a gun, your wife is in the next room, I want you to go in and shoot her."

The Englishman is obviously disgusted at the thought, so he gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Next up is the Scotsman. He's told the same and he reacts the same, gets up, gets his wife and leaves.

Finally its the irishmans turn. He's offered the gun, to shoot his wife to prove he's ...

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Interviewer: Very impressive. Now, this is just a formality...

But how are your MS office skills.

Me: Well, you can take my Word for it, I Excel in MS office.

Interviewer: Son of a bitch, I was this close to hiring you.

Interviewer: Why did you become a pilot?

Pilot: To overcome my biggest fear.

Interviewer: Heights?

Pilot: Dying Alone.

Interviewer: What’s the difference between the Taliban and British troops?

Candidate: I don’t know

Interviewer: Congratulations! Welcome to the United States Air Force!

Interviewer: It says here you never went to jail.

Me: Correct, I was taken.

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

In 2015 I was in a job interview. The interviewer asks, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

I don't recall my answer, but it wasn't this...

Interviewer:So what are some of your good qualities?

Man:Well , I can asure I am hardworking, good with teamwork, diligent, and of course trustable.

Interviewer:Amazing, what about your bad qualities do you have one?

Man:I do have ,I like to lie.

An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..

Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....

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Interviewer: are you smart? Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever. Interviewer: How so? Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.



Interviewer: how's that possible? Bob: by process of elimination. None of our answers could be correct.

Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness?

**Me:** I use bad words

**Interviewer: *[laughing]*:** that’s okay, we’re pretty tolerant around here

**Me:** well that’s extrusively harbilary to hear

I was at a job interview and the interviewer asked me about punctuality

I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.

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Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness? Me: I speak my mind Interviewer: I don’t see that as a weakness

Me: I don’t give a fuck what you think

Interview Gone Wild

A man was interviewing for a job.

Interviewer: “What’s your biggest weakness?”

Man: “Honesty”

Interviewer: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness”

Man: “I really don’t care what you think”

Interviewer: give me an example of when you’ve been a team player?

**Me:** once my friend wanted to sleep with this girl but she was married.

**Interviewer:** and you?

**Me:** distracted her husband with an interview

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Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

Two friends went for a job interview.......

The first friend goes in and the person interviewing him looks at his resume. Then he asks him a few questions and then asks "imagine you are traveling on a train and it is hot inside, what will you do?" The guy replies "I will open the window"

"Great!" says the interviewer and then asks " ...

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3 people are being interviewed for a job

The manager says to the three interviewees “We need people who can work fast. What’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

1st int: “A thought.”

2nd int: “A light,” thinking surely nothing’s faster than light.

After hearing the first two answers and seeing how confident they wer...

Job interviewer: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

Me: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.

Interviewer: Could you give an example?

Me: Yes, I could.

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

Interviewer: Why you want to work on Customer Service?

Me: Well, I am very good at apologising for things that are not my fault.

Interviewer: Did you acquire that experience on your previous job?

Me: No, my relationship.

Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly.

Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?

Candidate: Missing the bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was asked to name a weakness of his during a job interview

Guy: Well, I tend to be a little bit too honest

Interviewer: Well, that is a good thind, I don't think that is a weakness

Guy: I really don't give a fuck what you think

A man goes for an interview

The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"

Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.

Interviewer - Okay tell me joke

Man - Knock Knock

Interviewer - Who's there?

Man - The first president of The United States...

At the end of a job interview, the interviewer asks a young engineer from MIT, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

Engineer: Around $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package

Interviewer: Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Cor...

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

So I had an interview last year

The interviewer: You answers should be quick
Me: Ok
Interviewer: what is 1490/52?
Me:quick

“How would you describe yourself?” Asked the interviewer.

“Usually with words” I said, “but I’ve also been working on my mime skills if you’d prefer.”

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?

Job seeker: Because the company moved.

Interviewer: Where did it move to?

Job seeker: They didn't tell me.

Interviewer: "What is your spirit animal?"

"My spirit animal is not having one because I'm not Native American and I haven't been on a spirit journey.
What you mean is 'what is your fursona?'."

A guy is in a job interview...

And the interviewer says to him "your work history looks good on your resume, but notice there's a four year gap between FedEx and your secretarial job. Can you explain that?" The guy says "oh yeah, thats when I went to Yale."

The interviewer is impressed and says "wow, very cool! You're hir...

interviewer: what was your last job

me: health angel

interviewer: oh so you worked at like a spa

me: no thilly, I drove a motorthycle

A reporter is interviewing the President of the United States…

WALLACE (Interviewer) But I've got to tell you, if I may, sir, respectfully, in the Fox poll, they asked people, who is more competent? Who's got -- whose mind is sounder? Biden beats you in that.
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down, Jo...

So the interviewer asked the applicant if he had any experience as a conductor.

He responded, "Yeah, I've done a bit of training"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is interviewing for a job.

“What’s your biggest weakness?” the interviewer asks.

“Well, I have to tell the truth about everything,” the man responds.

“That doesn’t sound like a weakness at all,” the interviewer says.

“I don’t give a fuck what you think,” the man immediately responds.

Interviewer:”Describe yourself in three words.”

Me: “ Well, I would say “good at following directions”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer: "In your CV, you wrote that you can perform under pressure. Can you give an example?"

Interviewee: "Sure. Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh, pressure pushing down on me..."

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: Sorry, but that’s the most insulting question someone ever asked me since I’ve gone blind five years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The job interviewer asked, "whats your full name?"

"It's Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith."

The interviewer asked me, "do you suffer from tourettes Peter?"

"No" I replied, "but the priest at my baptism did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?

Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?

Fa...

interviewer: yeah, you're not getting this job.

me: what? why?

interviewer: your resume just says "caught all 151 original pokemon"

me: ...and?

interviewer: that's ridiculous... -_- ...there's no way you caught Mew.

Interviewer- why do you think we should hire you as a reverse psychologist?

Me: you shouldn't.

Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?”

Interviewer: “I meant any questions about the job.”

"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.

I said, "Spiders."

He said, "Professional ones?"

I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."

Interviewer: It says on your resume that you went to Harvard University.

Applicant: Yes, I was visiting my friend!

Interviewer: Do you travel to Louisiana often?

Me: Only on a Cajun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interviewer: In the event of a fire, which steps would you take?

Interviewee: Fucking big ones

A Lumberjack went for a job, interviewer said tell me your previous employment, he said I cut down all the trees in the Sahara, interviewer, but the Sahara is a dessert.

Lumberjack says yeah it is now.

Job interviewer: It said in your cv your quick at mathematics

Me: yeah





Job interviewer: so whats 17×36



Me : 96




Job interviewer: thats not even close





Me : yeah.....but it was quick

*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?'

Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'

“One last question,” said the job interviewer.

“What would you say your biggest weakness is?”

The interviewee thinks for a moment, smiles confidently, and says “I never know when to quit, sir.”

The interviewer chuckles. “Well, I must say, I’m very impressed with your resume and skillset. I’m happy to welcome you aboard!”

...

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An interview

Interviewer: "So you must be here for the telephonic interview. What's your name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Interviewer: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Interviewer: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Interv...

I went for a job interview today.

The interviewer said to me, “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”

I said, “I think I’d have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength.”

Interviewer: "Do you like rock 'n' roll"

Sisyphus: "Not even a bit."

Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.

Me: I'd rather not... I kinda want this job.

Interviewer asked me to name my most positive quality

Turns out HIV won’t get you a job

An interviewer’s taxi stops in front of a prison...

The interviewer asks: “could you wait for me here?” Then the taxi driver says: “no, forget it! The last time someone asked me that he came out 21 years later!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interviewer was interviewing a farmer about his livestock when he noticed two cows.

Interviewer: how much milk do those cows produce?

Farmer: oh the brown one can produce about 6 gallons a day.

Interviewer: and the other one?

Farmer: oh the black one produces the same.

Interviewer: okay and what do you feed them?

Farmer: I feed the brown one grass...

A man who just won £100m on the lottery is being interviewed on TV news.

Interviewer : What are you planning to do with your winnings?

Winner : I’m going to spend half of it on expensive sports cars, women of dubious morals, strong drink, drugs and gambling.

Interviewer : And what will you do with the other half?

Winner : I’ll probably just waste it.

Interviewer: "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

Me: "A lot of things went wrong at my last job and everyone said I was responsible. "

A job interview

Interviewer: Tell me one of your weaknesses




Me: I can be very stubborn




Interviewer: Will you please elaborate?




Me: I will not

During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was...

"Lazy."

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?” The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.”

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”

The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.”

Interviewer: what inspired your theory on gravity?

Newton: well, I fell off the toil—...............
Agent [leans into the mic]: an apple fell on his head...

Interviewer : Why Should We Hire you ?

Me : Because you are Hiring ......

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