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Interviewer Jokes

A Farmer and the Interviewer

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?

Farmer: Which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 2 liters per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 2 liters per day.



Interviewer: Where do they sleep?
...

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.

Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me: I went to Yale during this time period.

Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!

Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

My interviewer asked me to describe myself in one word.

I replied “vague”

He asked, “can you elaborate?”

I said, “yes.”

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes I could

"What's your biggest weakness?" asked the job interviewer.

"I don't know my own strengths," I replied.

"What's your biggest strength?"

"I contradict myself."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is sitting for a job interview when the question is asked by the interviewer,

“What is your biggest weakness?”


The job candidate thinks for a moment and answers “honesty. Honesty is my biggest weakeness.”


The potential employer replies “I don’t think honesty is a weakness!”


The man replies “I really don’t give a fuck what you think!”

I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”

I said, “No. Is that still required?”

*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?'

Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'

Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full?

Applicant: It's completely full.

Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.

I went for the job interview and the interviewer said they are looking for somebody who is responsible....

I said 'I'm your guy!'

They asked why...

'Well at my old job if something went wrong, something went missing or somebody got hurt, they always said I was responsible'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.

Me: I'd rather not... I kinda want this job.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer: “What is your greatest weakness?”

Interviewee: “Honesty.”

Interviewer: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”

Interviewee: “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

The interviewer said

"Your resume says you take things too literally."

I said, "When the hell did my resume learn to talk?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Interview

INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength?

ME: Shapeshifting

INTERVIEWER: Is that so?

INTERVIEWER: Yes

INTERVIEWER: Holy shit

EDIT:
Source: @AndyAsAdjective on Twitter

The interviewer asked me what I’d been doing for the last 3 years

“Yale” I replied

He thought this was wonderful and he offered me the position

I replied “That’s fantastic. I really need this yob”.

I went on a job interview, Interviewer asks, Do you have any experience?

Me: Yes, of course, "This is my 20th interview"

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

Job interview at NASA, in 2123.

Interviewer : Can you explain this ten year gap in your resume?

Applicant : Oh, that was when we went to Proxima Centauri, with my previous job.

Interviewer : Impressive! But why didn't you write it in?

Applicant : Oh you know, it was just a two-days trip...

Interviewer: can I get your references?

Me: probably not. nobody else does

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The job interviewer asked, "whats your full name?"

"It's Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith."

The interviewer asked me, "do you suffer from tourettes Peter?"

"No" I replied, "but the priest at my baptism did."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “and what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! ...

Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things?

Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good.

During my interview today…

I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.

“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.

I simply replied “No, I just always give 110%”

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says...

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

Me: "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?"

Interviewer: "I meant any questions about the job"

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

Two Brothers Move to the City

There were two brothers who lived in the country.

One day they decided they wanted to move to the big city and get jobs there. When they got there they went to the employment office to ask for jobs.

The first brother went in for an interview and less than 10 minutes later he comes out ...

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The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, “I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?”

The applicant responds, “I went to Yale.”

Excited, the interviewer says, “Yale?!? You’re hired!”

The applicant replies, “Yay! I got a yob!”

Interviewer: What are three words that describe you?

Applicant: Hardworking, intelligent and dishonest.

The Olympian gold medalist in cross-country-skiing was being interviewed on TV...

And it came up in the interview that, what with training and all, he hadn't seen his wife for more than a year.

The interviewer asked, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "So, what's the first thing you plan to do when you get home, then?"

The gold medalist blushed furiously and sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interviewer: In the event of a fire, which steps would you take?

Interviewee: Fucking big ones

The job interviewer asked me, what my weakness is.

So I told him that I am brutally honest.

He acted surprised and said he sees this as a strenght, not as a weakness.

But after that I was thrown out of the building only because I replied that I am not interested in the opinion of an incapable fat bald man.

Interviewer: Where were you born?

Me: in India


Interviewer: oh, which part?



Me: What ‘which part’ ..? Whole body was born in India.

When the interviewer asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

apparently "In the mirror" wasnt the right answer.

Interviewer : Which batch?

Candidate : Corona batch.
Interviewer : Ok, stay home, stay safe.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Me: I can type 150 words per minute.

Interviewer: Wow! And what are your weaknesses?

Me: Every word is 'a'.

A man is being interviewed 'Where were you born?' Asks the interviewer. 'Belfast' says the man 'Oh yes' says the interviewer 'Which part?'

'All of me' replies the man

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A job interview

Interviewer: Describe yourself in one word. Applicant: Hired. Interviewer’s assistant: Fuck, can he do that?

An interviewer said to the candidate

An interviewer said to the candidate ,"Here we need responsible people whom we can count on"

Candidate: "Oh then I'm perfect for the job; in my last job i was responsible when anything went wrong"

Interviewer: any experience operating heavy machinery?

Candidate: does your mom count?

An interviewer asks an applicant for his greatest weakness and the applicant replied,

"I have an awkward sense of humor which causes me to laugh out of nowhere sometimes and some people take it to mean that I'm laughing at them or thinking something terrible"

The interviewer asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," the applicant laughed as he said, "I've played this conversat...

interviewer: it says here you went to Harvard University.

Me: yeah, I was visiting my sister.

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents -- two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer.

"Inside this room you will find your wife sit...

Interviewer: Why did you become a pilot?

Pilot: To overcome my biggest fear.

Interviewer: Heights?

Pilot: Dying Alone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer asked me if I ever lied about my penis.

Interviewer: Have you ever lied regarding your penis.

Me: Yes, once while rubbing the tip through my pant leg someone asked me what I was doing… I lied and told them I was scratching my knee.

Interviewer: "Why do you think you are qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Me: "Well, why do *you* think I'm qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Interviewer: "You're hired."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks the man, "What is your worst trait?"

The man thinks for a second and then answers, "I'm too honest."

The interviewer says, "I don't think being too honest is a negative trait."

To which the man retorts, "I really don't give a ...

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman apply to join MI6

The Englishman comes in for his interview and it goes really well, he has a glowing record in the Army and is a perfect fit for the job.

At the end the interviewer asks him "Who do you love more, your country or your wife?"

The Englishman replies "My country of course!"

"OK" say...

If a job interviewer asks about a time you worked as part of a team...

Don't tell them about the orgy.

Interviewer : What's your biggest strength?

Me : I'm good at Machine Learning

Interviewer : Okay, what's 21+17

Me : It's 5

Interviewer : Not even close. It's 38

Me : It's 20

Interviewer : I said it's 38

Me : It's 35

Interviewer : It's still 38....

Me : It's 38

Interviewer : Hired!

I was at a job interview and the interviewer asked me about punctuality

I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

Interviewer: "Can you explain this gaping hole on your resume?"

Me: "Ah yes, Gaping Hole was my first job after graduating from the school of gynecology."

Interviewer: Why should we hire you?

Me: I have many hidden talents

Interviewer: Like??

Me: I don’t know, they’re all hidden.

Interviewer: What's your strength?

Candidate: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: What's your weakness?
Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.

Interviewer: Can you perform Under pressure?

No, but Bohemian Rhapsody I can.

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Putin is asked by an interviewer, "Vladimir Vladimirovich, how did you get in the KGB?"

Putin replies, "You see, when I was a young man, I would listen to my friends tell political jokes and would write them down."

"Jokes?" asks the interviewer

"Not only jokes, but also the names of the joke tellers."

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

Interviewer:”Describe yourself in three words.”

Me: “ Well, I would say “good at following directions”.

Interviewer: What drives you?

Candidate: The bus mostly.
Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning?
Candidate: Missing the bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer: Very impressive. Now, this is just a formality...

But how are your MS office skills.

Me: Well, you can take my Word for it, I Excel in MS office.

Interviewer: Son of a bitch, I was this close to hiring you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer: Your resume says that you are extremely literal.

Me: Holy shit. My resume is talking now?

“One last question,” said the job interviewer.

“What would you say your biggest weakness is?”

The interviewee thinks for a moment, smiles confidently, and says “I never know when to quit, sir.”

The interviewer chuckles. “Well, I must say, I’m very impressed with your resume and skillset. I’m happy to welcome you aboard!”

...

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll ha...

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