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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt...

Don't Choke!

Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing.

One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table, took her face in his big Texan hands and said, "Kin ya swaller?"

She shook her head 'no.' "Kin y...

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What do folks in West Virginia do for Halloween?

Pump Kin

The original name for Jedis was "Force Kin".

I wonder why they rolled it back?

Superglue comes with a warning: "Caution - Instantly bonds skin." But a whole shipment got out with a misprint: "Caution - Instantly bonds kin."

That's how I ended up marrying my first cousin.

‌‌Boy s‌‌cout: S‌‌ir, I‌‌ f‌‌ound a‌‌ s‌‌nake, i‌‌s i‌‌t p‌‌oisonous?

Me: N‌‌o l‌‌ittle o‌‌ne, t‌‌his s‌‌nake i‌‌sn't p‌‌oisonous a‌‌t a‌‌ll.

*Snake b‌‌ites b‌‌oy a‌‌nd b‌‌oy i‌‌mmediately s‌‌tarts t‌‌o s‌‌pasm a‌‌nd f‌‌oam a‌‌t t‌‌he m‌‌outh, l‌‌eaving t‌‌he o‌‌ther k‌‌ids w‌‌atching, h‌‌orrified.*

Me: H‌‌owever, t‌‌his s‌‌nake i‌‌s v‌‌enomous. V‌‌enom ...

What is the state fruit of Arkansas?

Pump-kin

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

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Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, ‟That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I am a gonna go over there and help.” He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head...

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My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.

What did the the dancer say when he found proof:

he found evi-dance

What did the lazy person buy at the store?

A Nap-kin

What is a goldfishes favorite story?

Goldilocks

What did the musician say when he was safe?

I’m safe and SOUND.

What do bu...

What's Alabama's favorite vegetable?

Pumpkin.

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Kin Ah Borry the Pickem-up Truck?

A young redneck girl wanted to go to the barn dance, so she approached her father and asked if she could borrow the truck. The father replied, "Ya sure can, sweety, but first ya gotta suck mah dick."

This wasn't the girl's first experience with this, so she promptly landed on both knees and ...

Say what you want about Alabama...

They know how to put the “kin” in “kinky”

What do you call the connection between a family of Force users?

The Force Kin.

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What's the hypothetical official squash of incest porn?

Probably a pump kin

A man with the 'Rona disease

A man with the 'Rona disease
Threw caution and care to the breeze
No mask with his kin
He did them all in
With a sniffle a cough and a sneeze.

What do you call a family member with bipolar that stays still?

A Manic Kin

Did you know Anakin Skywalker was Jewish?

You can tell because he cut up his force kin.

So I was watching tv last night and saw a trailer for the new fantastic four movie. It looks like its going to focus on their kids and how they team up to fight crime.

Apparently its going to be called "The Fantastic Four's Kin"

What do you call cousins who sleep together?

Nap kins

Why did Luke circumcise his kids?

Because they were his force kin.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

The Irish Priest

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring
day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of
his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jack...

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

What do you call a little person who cannibalizes their own family?

A munch-kin.


That joke was stupid.

Why did the Jack-o-lantern family move to Alabama?

To pump-kin.

What do you call family members you sleep with?

Nap-kins!

What do Jack-o'-lanterns and Alabamians have in common?

They both pump-kin

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

I bought my grandchildren some crayons. I have to say...

... they make my kin scrawl.

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

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A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.

A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.

A cocky sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked

"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next...

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A priest finds a dead hog in a ditch by the wayside...

Figuring the poor animal has been killed by a careless driver, he calls up the police for someone to come pick up the carcass.

The officer on the other end, not without humor, chucklingly mentions that he thought it was the church's own business to take care of the dead.

"Yes indeed, ...

Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?

Because he has no Force-kin.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin.



I'll see myself out...

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Su...

What do you call a relative of Lil Pump?

A Pump-Kin

What's the difference between a Grandmother and a Granary?

One is one's born kin, the other is one's corn bin.

(long) A man with no arms is looking for a job...

... and the only listing he can find is a position ringing the bell every Sunday at a local church. He inquires about the job with the priest in charge of the church, and the priest immediately expresses skepticism that this man can do the job without arms.

"Father, has my absolute word that ...

How do hillbilly gourds reproduce?

They pump kin.

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal t...

Boy gets engaged down south

Down South, a young man falls in love, and he rushes home to tell his Pappy about his new sweetheart.

Pappy sadly shakes his head back and forth and says, "Son, I hate to tell ya, but in mah youth, I sowed mah wild oats, and that girl is yer half-sister."

Brokenhearted, the young man c...

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Two Good Ol' Boys

Two good ol’ boys in a Kentucky trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Ford plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off ...

Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

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Why don't jews have arranged marriage?

They have no 'forced kin'.

I'm so sorry

I'm getting sick of spending time with my Scottish family and their Scottish cows...

Wee kin, wee cow

The best part about Halloween is when my family who love puns visits

It's great seeing my pun-kin

For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern.

She's our little pun-kin.

What do you call a furry that sometimes cosplays as star wars characters?

Ani-Kin

What do Alabama folks and children celebrating Halloween have in common?

They both wanna pump kin

A young Iroquois enters the longhouse of the village matriarch

"Grandmother, I've got a bone to pick with you" he exclaims.


"Yes, my son. What do you seek?" inquires the wise, old woman.


"Where do our names come from?"


"When a child comes into our world, I take him from the midwives and raise him towards the sky. I close my eyes...

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Always drive in reverse when you're drunk (True story)?

This is a true story. Many many years ago, before drink driving laws were as strong as they are today, a friend of my Dads, lets call him Dave, was leaving the pub, keys in hand and a hefty number of pints on board.

"Jesus, am I all right to drive" he wonders as he misses the ignition with th...

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A young lady was working as a carer for an old rich man.

It was her first day on the job in his country mansion and when she walked in to the old mans room, he was looking at a photo album and seemed upset.

“What’s the matter?” She asked

“I’ve got no next of kin, so when I die, these are going to be left to no-one”, said the old man. ...

What's a redneck's favorite thanksgiving treat?

The pump-kin pie!

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Why is Halloween one of the most popular holidays in West Virginia?

It gives them an opportunity to *pump-kin*.

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A Young Man Asks His Father About His Fiance

A young man from West Virginia goes up to his dad and says, "Pa, I am really concerned about my fiance."

His dad asks him to tell him what the problem is, he says, "Well Pa, I just don't know what to do, I just found out she is a virgin."

His dad says, "Dump her, if she ain't good en...

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What did the rednecks do for thanksgiving?

Pump kin pie.


Happy Canadian Turkeyday, you sick bastards!

Y'all heard about the state gourd of Alabama?

The pump-kin...

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The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

Two rednecks are having a beer together...

One redneck asks the other, "If I slept with your wife and we had a child together, would that make us kin?" The other redneck responds, "I ain't sure, but it would at least make us even."

What do you call a fat relative around Halloween?

A plump-kin

What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

Two friends are going to film their own version of Revenge of the Sith.

They both have a really strong bond, so they decide that it'd be best if one played Anakin and one played Obi-Wan, the only problem was that they couldn't figure out who would play whom.

After a long bout of reasoning, bickering, and contemplating neither of them could come up with a reason w...

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