UPJOKE
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Elon Musk and Bill Gates combined their enormous wealth and power to develop the most effective penis enlargement pill ever created.

They're calling it Elongates.

I’m thinking of starting a combined escort and midwife service

It will be called “Vaginal Delivery”

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

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The story of an unlucky man

Once upon a time, there lived an unlucky man. He was so unlucky that he was born with 1 testicle. One day, he got into a plane flight and the plane started falling. It was announced that someone needed to jump in order to save the plane and its other passengers. They did some voting and the unlucky ...

I have 1,800 nuclear missiles, 283 battle ships, 9,400 planes.. I spend more on my military than the next 12 nations combined and despite spending more every year I still feel insecure...

I have a military-industrial complex.

How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?

A Washington.

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One day a man with three testicles walks on the street. Then he says to the other man, proudly: "you and I combined have five testicles."

The other man, full of disbelief and shock, says: "you only have one?"

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A Black Man, a Mexican, and a White Man Got Lost Canoeing.

They reached an island ruled by terrorists. The terrorists wanted to kill the entire crew. However, after seeing the white man, the terrorists had a proposal. If the combined length of the mens' penises measured 1 foot, then the men would be set free. The Black man's dick measured 6 inches. The Whit...

I thought up this fibonacci joke ..

But it's worse than my last two combined

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called?

...being poor.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

Prepare three envelopes

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things...

In the NBA, even with the signing of the Greek Freak, Milwaukee’s starting five has the lowest combined value.

What’d you expect for 5 Bucks?

I accidentally combined Fahrenheit and milliliters

FmL

I combined baseball and boxing and made a new sport.

It's called basebrawl.

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

I have a higher IQ than Batman and Donald Trump combined.

By the way, Batman has a higher IQ than me.

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

A smoothie bar serving combined fruit and vegetable drinks has been linked to bouts of depression and suicide...

Their "Melon-Cauli" smoothie has now been withdrawn...

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Some women like flowers, others like something a little more sexy, so I've combined the two...

Hope my wife likes her daffodildo.

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An asian, a Black and a White guy were in prison.

The prison manager gave them a chance to get out, as it was the presidents birthday.

Prison manager: if all the combined length of your penises comes to 10 inches, you will get out.

The black man had 5 inches.
The white man had 4 inches.
The asian man had 1 inch.

As they w...

A man walks up to you and asks, "What happens when you combined a joke with a rhetorical question?"

*the man walks away laughing*

How many idiots does it take to arrest a protestor?

Apparently more than the entire Russian Riot Police combined, because they got the bicycle but the rider still got away.

Scientists today combined a car with two domestic sweeping devices.

It goes broom broom.

My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs!

My wife is down 80 Lbs.

More girls chase after me everyday than Leonardo, Channing Tatum and Ronaldo combined

-Bus driver

My wife and I lost 150lbs combined!

So if you see our twins wandering around please let us know!

I hate the color purple

I hate it more than red and blue combined

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