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Full Time Jokes

What's the difference between two full time employees in America and a lasagne?

A Lasagne can feed a family of four.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Full time car thieves are the absolute laziest people

What do they do all day? Jack shit.

Just heard that Harry is thinking of taking up painting full time after stepping down from the Royal family.

He'll be the artist formerly known as Prince.

Why was the cow broke, despite being a full time waitress?

Nobody tipped her.

The full time football result is in: Real Madrid - 4...

Surreal Madrid - fish

Mothers on Facebook. Full time mummy is not a job.

Only Tutankhamun can claim that...

if 9-5 is a full time job, and 11/4 is a part time job, what's 9-11?

An inside job.

People say maintaining a long term relationship with a girl is the same as having a full time job. I for one think there complete opposites.

After 10 years, my job still sucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

While on vacation in Spain with my wife..

I I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.

It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart atta...

A husband and wife who travel with the circus go to an adoption agency, but are met with skepticism.

"Do you really feel that a traveling circus is suitable evironment to raise a child?" the lady from the adoption agecy asks.

"Certainly," he couple reply. "We have a beautiful, fully equipped, state of the art nursery that we will be traveling with.

Still showing reservations, the woma...

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A girl brings her boyfriend to meet her dad...

Dad: Of all people, you choose to be with this stupid and lazy arse?

Boyfriend: ...

Girl: Dad, don't say things like that about him! You don't even know him yet. He's currently studying to get a doctorate in physics while working a full time job.

Dad: (to Girl) I wasn't talking ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Possible original joke my dad would always tell me that cracked me up

Chad (my dad) is walking down the street to the gas station to get a drink, when he gets hit by a car. He awakens to see an angel in front of him. "Hello, Chad. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you were struck by a car, and have been brought to Heaven. I'm here to bring you to God for judgeme...

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